News of the Restless

A most historic downfall

Posted on July 31, 2012 by Sabina Becker

On this day in 1937, Canadian participation in the fight against fascism became officially illegal. Here’s a snip from Occupy Canada’s Facebook page:

On this day in history, 31 July, 1937, Canadians were banned in the fight against fascism and the struggle was forced underground. A year later, the fascists were victorious; and two years later, it was too late and the world war against fascism began.

WE REMEMBER! NEVER AGAIN!

And on that note, it might be a good time to revisit Los Canadienses, no?

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Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Isn't It Ironic?, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, Under the Name of Spain | Comments Off

Nothin’s gay at Chick-fil-A!

Posted on July 31, 2012 by Sabina Becker

Especially not their latest ad:

Thank you Jeebus.

PS: Awww. In spite of Sarah Fucking Palin and Rick Fucking Santorum shilling the shit out of them, things aren’t going so great for the Chick-fil-A-tors. Maybe they really do need a new ad campaign.

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Posted in Schadenfreude, Teh Ghey, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off

Clip ‘n’ Save: How to tell off a teabag

Posted on July 30, 2012 by Sabina Becker

Pleasant this is not. But satisfying? Oh, yeah.

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Posted in Clip 'n' Save, Not So Compassionate Conservatism, Obamarama!, The Hardcore Stupid, The United States of Amnesia | 2 Comments

Music for a Sunday: Round the Horn, if you dare

Posted on July 29, 2012 by Sabina Becker

According to its Wikipedia entry, this tribute to nautical derring-do (complete with hornpipe in the middle!) is actually a reference to frontman Tim Finn’s time in treatment for a mental breakdown. That lost-at-sea feeling is more than familiar to me as a part of my major depressive episodes, and so is the feeling that you have to charge through anyway. Much like sailing for six months in a…well, you get the idea.

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Posted in Music for a Sunday | 2 Comments

Wankers of the Week: The Olympigs, part d’oh

Posted on July 28, 2012 by Sabina Becker

Crappy weekend, everyone! How are we enjoying the Corporate Olympics and their heavy-handed security right now? Freedom and yippee and all that commercial cal. Wake me up when the hype is over. That is, if the drone from these motormouths doesn’t put YOU to sleep, too…

1. John Fucking McCain. No, of course there’s no proof that gun control prevents gun violence; only a sharp drop in statistics in every place where stricter gun controls were ever put in place. Just as there’s no proof that crystal meth exploded all over Wasilla, Alaska, when this clown’s former running mate was mayor. Sheer fucking coincidence!

2. Judson Fucking Phillips. Dude, if you’re gonna demand that your own president prove that he wasn’t a crack-smoking homo, I think I’m well within my rights to demand that you prove you stopped beating your wife. (I’m pretty sure you’re still smoking crack, by the sound of what’s issuing from your crack-hole.)

3. Louie Fucking Gohmert, AGAIN. Last week, he wanked by blaming gun violence on Teh Unbelieverz. This week, he whines that he was “taken out of context”. The hell he was! Also, he’s sorry, IF. Apology FAIL!

4. The Fucking Palin Clan. Yes, all of them. Because it takes a village to raise a child, and their village is obviously in a state of misrule. And while little Tripp may not be old enough to understand why it’s wrong to say “faggot”, “fag”, etc., his mother and aunt certainly are. They use those insults on a regular basis. And the fact that they don’t give a shit whom their insults hurt is to be squarely blamed on THEIR parents in turn, for raising them wrong: homophobic and callous and selfish and greedy. Fine Christians these folks turned out to be, the whole lot of them. I feel so sorry for Tripp.

5. Alex Fucking Jones. No, the Colorado theatre shooting was NOT part of a UN plan staged by Barack Obama (!!!) to take away your guns. But conspiracy-touting lunatics like you definitely shouldn’t be allowed to own them, because you’re clearly not sane enough to handle them responsibly. Nuts don’t kill people, but nuts with guns do. And I don’t want to be in the line of fire when any of you gun nuts blow your fucking stack.

6. Mitt Fucking Romney. If you wonder why this man doesn’t deserve to be president, just look at him. He makes money hand over fist while campaigning, and he is blatantly out of touch with 99.9999999% of the country he claims he wants to govern. His cars have an elevator, while his dog has to shit itself in fear strapped to the roof rack, he impersonated state troopers (a felony, BTW) as a student. He hates the Arab Spring, too. And if I had all week, I could go on. You get the picture now, don’t you? He just doesn’t like other people very much. Mittens is all about money and privilege, and all he cares about is making sure that gravy train never ends. He hasn’t a civic-minded bone in his body. And all the Brits are laughing at him, too.

7. Timothy Fucking Courtois. Because hey, it’s NEVER too soon for a loser to try to copycat the crime that gripped the nation’s attention for days on end, eh? And since this one was stupid enough to announce his intentions beforehand, and no one got hurt as a result (he was taken down quickly), he’s just a wanker. If he managed to fire off even one round, though, he’d be a criminal.

8. Rick Fucking Warren. Why?

That’s why. Oh, and this, too. Fucking fundie imperialist scumbag should pay heavy taxes on his megachurch racket, just so he has less (or, better still, NOTHING) to send to gay-bashing governments in Africa. Just imagine if that money went to constructive uses instead…like, oh, say, AIDS prevention that doesn’t involve homophobia. Or MURDER.

9. Dan Fucking Cathy, again. Last week it was for being an out homophobe; this week, it’s for lying about why finger-muppets are no longer included in ChickFiller’s equivalent of Happy Meals. The real reason? Danny-boy’s homophobic godbaggery didn’t go down so well with the Jim Henson Company, which makes the puppets. They pulled out of the deal. PS: Ha, ha. Also, John 3:16, bitch.

10. Laureen Fucking Harper. I don’t doubt that it’s hard work being married to the most detestable man in Canada (shy of Conrad Fucking Black, that is). But as for it overcoming HER “shortfalls” (I think she means shortCOMINGS)…I’m afraid nothing less than a divorce will do that. Sorry, honey!

11. Tony Fucking Blair. It’s been a while since I’ve listed him, but I think you’ll agree that his unqualified support of bankers and Maggie Fucking Thatcher amid the worst-ever financial crisis (which is, I might add, strictly of THEIR making) is definitely worthy of a hearty one-fingered salute.

12. Jonathan Fucking Denby. No, I don’t want to find Fifty Shades of Grody in my hotel nightstand. Or Atlas Screamed and Ran, either. Put back those fucking Gideon bibles. At least there’s a little bit of good smut in them. (Song of Solomon, anyone?)

13. James Fucking Taranto. He hopes “the girls whose boyfriends died to save them [in Colorado] were worthy of the sacrifice”? Well, duh — clearly their boyfriends thought so. And I know of one idiot who writes for the Wall Street Urinal whom NO ONE should ever sacrifice themselves to save.

14. Rick Fucking Santorum. Why?

That’s why. Blatantly shilling for the most homophobic (and SEXIST) junk-food chain in the land is about as wanky as it gets. But thanks for the warning, Butt-Sploodge. Your name, associated with THAT chain, is a great appetite killer! PS: Is anyone surprised by this? I’m not. Icky Ricky never met a closet he didn’t love. I’m just waiting to see him get caught in a wide-stance moment. I just pray that it’s not with an under-age boy.

15. Cliff Fucking Stearns. Vile, misogynous anti-choice opportunism has a name. Guess whose.

16. Gavin Fucking Bradford. There isn’t much you can say about a teacher who masturbates to 12-year-old girls pouring sour milk down their pants except Ew, ew, fucking EW!

17. Thomas Fucking Sullivan. Oh, the shame and humiliation of maybe selling a 44-bedroom mansion (mansion? That’s a mini-hotel!) to a gay couple, in a state where gay marriage is now legal. But you know what’s even more shameful and humiliating? Having your homophobic (and frankly hypocritical) reason for refusal made public, along with a very incriminating e-mail.

18. Brian Fucking Kilmeade. Awww, isn’t it touching how he stands up for Twittens — er, I meant Mittens? Threatening the British tabloids, no less! Okay, Brian, that was cute. Now shut the FUX (Snooze) up!

19. Russell Fucking Pearce. Never mind that movie theatres don’t allow guns on the premises. This Minutemoron seriously thinks that if only someone else in the Aurora theatre had been armed and dangerous, that whole mass murder thing wouldn’t have happened. And when he saw how well that WASN’T going down, he deleted it from his Facebook page. But we all know that he’s never gonna really change his tune on guns and the nuts who love them, so one really does wonder what was the fucking point. Because if it’s electability, he no haz it.

20. Kathlyn Fucking Ehl. Shut up and get off the tweeter, you’re too fucking bigoted to live. #idiots #racists #elderabuse

21. Neil Fucking Prescott. Oh look, another Batman-shooting copycat wannabe joins #7. Does anyone need more fucking evidence that US gun culture is out of fucking control?

22. Aaron Fucking Fruh. There’s not an iota of proof that there even WAS a “Noah’s Ark” flood, much less that same-sex marriage (or even just same-sex diddling) had anything to do with it. But hey, let’s just trot that out to make Chick-Fil-HATE look better, eh?

23. and 24. Ronald William Fucking Brown and Michael Fucking Arnett. Yes, a tag-team pair of wankers. And a good thing they got caught before they carried out the child-abduction and cannibalism they had intended, eh? Oh, and here’s the really rich part: These two call themselves Christians. And one of them has a supremely creepy puppet show on a televangelism channel, devoted (among other things) to teaching kids about the evils of porn. Makes his own possession of kiddie porn more than a little interesting, in light of that.

25. Stephen Fucking Harper. In yet another amusing cronyistic flip-flop, our Dear Leader has appointed his personal photographer to be the official photog of the Canadian Olympic team, above the head of the photojournalist who had originally been slated for the job. And the same goes for his official mouthpiece, Dimitri Fucking Soudas, who has been appointed their press flack. Seems that “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know in the PMO” isn’t just for the Liberals anymore.

And finally, to those fucking Saudi clerics who just can’t be happy and proud of their country’s female Olympians, and who are busy calling them ugly names instead. Shame on your dirty minds! You guys are stuck in the fucking Middle Ages, and you probably haven’t yet learned that the Earth turns on its axis and revolves around the Sun. Most of the Muslim world thinks you’re mean-spirited gits and full of shit. How funny it will be when you finally get left behind for good. I hope I live to see that day, and that those young women live to see it too. May they dance on your graves.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Posted in Wankers of the Week | 2 Comments

Why marriage equality matters

Posted on July 28, 2012 by Sabina Becker

Sometimes, it takes an old war veteran to put things in perspective:

Harlan Gardner, of Machias, Maine, flew in the last air battle of World War II. And he didn’t do it so that bigotry could go on reigning supreme back at home. If talk of sacrifice, bravery and doing it for the children is ever to mean anything, then it’s time equal rights were extended on ALL fronts, everywhere.

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Posted in Angry Pacifist Speaks Her Mind, Teh Ghey, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off

Quotable: Ron Reagan Jr. on guns

Posted on July 27, 2012 by Sabina Becker

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Posted in Guns, Guns, Guns, Law-Law Land, Quotable Notables, The United States of Amnesia | 2 Comments

Festive Left Friday Blogging: It’s always the 26th

Posted on July 27, 2012 by Sabina Becker

Carlos Puebla’s homage to the storming of the Moncada Barracks, the event that kicked off the Revolution, is a song that everyone who loves Cuba should know. (Yes, I’m aware that the anniversary was yesterday. But, as the song says, for Cuban’s it’s always the 26th.)

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Posted in Cuba, Libre (de los Yanquis), Festive Left Friday Blogging | Comments Off

How DID Simón Bolívar die?

Posted on July 26, 2012 by Sabina Becker

A lifelike reconstruction of Simón Bolívar’s face, based on the skeletal remains from his tomb. It looks recognizably close to his many official likenesses.

Further to yesterday’s evisceration of Daniel Wallis’s shitty snarkathon at the expense of one democratically elected president, one Liberator, and five proud South American countries, I present the following excerpt from the official report on the forensic investigation into the death of Simón Bolívar:

Studies were done in order to determine via molecular biology the presence of different microbiological pathogens, such as Mycobacterium tuberculosis, Mycobacterium bovis, Treponema pallidum, Brucella, Paracoccidioides brasiliensis, Plasmodium sp. Leishmania donovani and L. cutanea, all of which were negative.

Still pending is an investigation to determine the possibility of an infection by Histoplasma capsulatum. This process will permit us to compare and determine the existence of that particular pattern in ancient DNA. This fungus is the causative agent of chronic pulmonary histoplasmosis, in which there may be adenomegalies and disseminated calcifications in the lungs and spleen. This illness presets signs and symptoms very similar to those of chronic pulmonary tuberculosis with cavitations. It is most common in men of middle age, elderly persons, and patients with immune deficiencies, developing over a period of months or years, with lapses of inactivity and sometimes, spontaneous healing; or it can lead to death if not treated properly.

Chemical analyses to determine the presence of arsenic (As) were not conclusive; although there is no clinical evidence of poisoning by this element, it is a known fact that the records of the treating physician of the Liberator, Dr. Alejandro Próspero Reverend, describe a treatment in which [Bolívar] received medicaments containing arsenic.

The administration of cantharide powder, obtained from a dried insect (Lytta vesicatoria), given to the Liberator in elevated doses and in the form of plasters, is a poison which produces blisters on the skin at the site of administration, and acts on the genito-urinary system. Cantharide poisoning presents the following symptoms: difficulty urinating, more frequent urination, and blood in the urine, alterations which can progress to the point of anuria (cessation of urination) and thus, to acute renal failure, this bringing about the final chain of events in the death of the Liberator.

These clinical manifestations, added to the resurgent chronic broncho-pulmonary disease, evidenced by difficulty breathing, thoracic pain (more intense on the right side), cough with mucopurulent expectoration and fever, caused in the Liberator a hypoxia marked by diminished oxygen pressure and hydro-electric disturbances, which manifested with greater intensity at brain level, bringing about lapses of consciousness, raised capillary permeability, leakage of liquid from the intercellular and intravascular spaces into the interstitial space, with the consequent cerebral edema, which was accentuated by the hypoxia until it reached the cerebellar amygdalas and compressed the brain stem in which the centres governing respiration and cardiac function are located, leading to a cardio-respiratory cessation and, in consequence, death.

Translation mine.

And there you have it. TB didn’t kill Bolívar; someone please get Daniel Wallis on the horn and tell him that the official report found no evidence of it in the Liberator’s remains. No DNA from TB bacilli, either human OR bovine. How ’bout them apples?

But another possible cause of death is still undetermined, and its symptoms mimic those of TB. The fungal disease histoplasmosis does sound like a good candidate for the severe lung disease that is believed to have killed him. We’ll have to wait and see if indeed it is the culprit.

Meanwhile, arsenic is definitely NOT ruled out, as its use is listed in the papers of the Liberator’s treating physician. Is the exact dosage accurately listed, or was somebody fudging something? It’s hard to say for certain. The Liberator died in Colombia (home turf of his chief betrayer, Santander), waiting to get well enough leave South America and enter exile. Deliberate arsenic poisoning is a distinct possibility still. We’ll have to wait and see with this one, too.

Meanwhile, another interesting potential poison is listed: Cantharide powder, better known as “Spanish fly”. It is, as the report makes clear, a very nasty and highly toxic substance. If you’re looking to make someone horny, forget this one — unless you’re a necrophiliac, because it can cause a potentially lethal acute kidney failure, as it did in Bolívar. (Remember, this was more than a hundred years before the invention of the kidney dialysis machine, so the condition would not have been reversible, as it is today.) Bolívar’s physician gave it to him in the form of blister-raising plasters on the skin, possibly intending to draw down his fever; it ended up pulling his renal function down instead. This was one of the worst things anyone could have done to an already ailing Liberator, right up there with arsenic poisoning and bloodletting. But, like the other two, it could have been done with the best OR the worst of intentions. It’s a treatment that has long since fallen out of fashion, mercifully.

Long story short: Chavecito wasn’t wrong when he speculated that the Liberator was poisoned. He was indeed, and with more than one medicament. There is still the question of motive, and still the possibility that it was wholly unintentional. There is also the possibility that he did, in fact, die of histoplasmosis, or would have no matter how he was treated. The favored remedies of the day were all terrible, and he would have fared better without any of them.

But whatever actually killed the Liberator, tuberculosis has been ruled out. And I do believe that calls for a hearty chorus of “Suck it, Reuters!”

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