Chavecito may have been out of the army lo these many years, but…
…that doesn’t mean he can’t still don a uniform from time to time. Or look muy sabroso in it.
Chavecito may have been out of the army lo these many years, but…
…that doesn’t mean he can’t still don a uniform from time to time. Or look muy sabroso in it.
Honestly, what can you say about a headline like this…
Chavez fumes at neighbour Colombia…other than that it’s just pure dumbassery, since nowhere in the piece that follows is there even a suggestion that the president in question is “fuming” at anyone?But don’t take my word for it. Or even the (increasingly dubious) word of the Beeb. Here’s a video of the press conference in question, where Chavecito addresses, very patiently and at length, the questions of the foreign press about recent accusations from Colombia (totally unfounded) that he was arming the FARC. The Big Guy points out that the weapons in question are (a) old, having been purchased from the US during the 1980s; (b) incapable of being fired more than once (they were designed for single use); (c) incapable of reaching targets more than one kilometre away; and (d) stolen as of some 14 years ago. Meaning, he can’t possibly have handed them to the FARC–they were plundered from the Venezuelan arsenal, probably by a greedy officer looking to make extra cash in his spare time by selling what wasn’t his, during a time when Chavecito was already out of the army (he retired from it in 1994 with the rank of lieutenant colonel, in order to pursue a career in politics). Now, watch the video and see for yourself whether he’s “fuming” at anyone or over anything:Mind you, this is in Spanish. But as my German mother says, it’s the tone that makes the music, so pay attention to the ‘Cito’s tone. Does it strike you as “fuming”? No, he’s pleasant as can be. The reporters he’s addressing are women, so he’s on his best behavior. He’s explaining, as well, Venezuela’s historic relationship to Colombia, and emphasizes that Simón Bolívar, Venezuela’s national hero, was Colombia’s liberator, and its first president as well. In short: he’s got nothing against Colombia; it’s the government of Colombia with whom he’s got a legitimate bone to pick. (Oh hell: try a whole carcass.)He also produces a piece of weaponry confiscated from a Colombian paramilitary captured on Venezuelan soil, likely in one of the Venezuelan opposition’s many attempts at a putsch. (They like to hire Colombian paramilitaries to do their dirty work.) The stamp on the weapon indicates that it is “Property of the Colombian Army”! Now, how did THAT get into THOSE hands? The Colombian army has some ‘splainin’ to do. But of course, they’ll never explain anything. They prefer to lob accusations at an innocent man, an elected leader, popular throughout the region–and they like to make their shit stick, using such useful idiots as whoever writes the headlines for the BBC.So, Beeb, congrats–you win the Dumbass of the Day award. Feel special!

“No such law proposal exists.” What? You mean Hugo Chávez is not gagging the media? And he’s not ruling by decree on this one? That means the Committee to Protect Journalists is lying to us, too!“Only a discussion around how to combat the ‘media dictatorship’ and ‘media terrorism’.”A discussion? Gee, that sure sounds a lot like someone is using freedom of speech!“There is no consensus.”What? Pluralism?? In Venezuela??? Holy fucking shit! That means it must be…gasp…shudder…A DEMOCRACY!!!“It’s not official.”But…but…but…the Associated Press keeps telling me it is! Why would they do that? Do they not know that lying, like libel, is illegal–and unethical?“There are media owners who are systematically disseminating false opinions.”Oh. Oh. OH! Now I get it. This isn’t really about free speech, is it? No, of course not. It’s about media ownership of the airwaves–which by their very nature are actually public, not private–and with them, the ownership of people’s minds. That changes the debate considerably, wouldn’t you say?Hang on, there’s more:In response to private international and national media claims that Venezuela is discussing a media law which denies freedom of expression and punishes journalists, National Assembly members said that no such law proposal exists, only a discussion around how to combat the “media dictatorship” and “media terrorism.”The president of the media commission in the National Assembly, Manuel Villalba, said on Tuesday that a proposal for a law with 17 articles, as claimed by some media, doesn’t exist and that rather, the Attorney General, Luisa Diaz, had presented ideas to the National Assembly, which are being debated, but that there is no consensus around her proposals.“It’s not official,” Villalba said, explaining that no law had been formally presented or proposed. “All this just confirms that there are media owners who are systematically disseminating false opinions,” he said.
“Incorporates everything that is unequivocally expressed in the Law of Journalist Practice and the Code of Ethics.”Meaning, this proposed (not yet official!) bill not nearly as new and restrictive as it’s been made out to be. That law and code both predate the Bolivarian Republic, by the way. “Should focus on protection for journalists who are coerced into putting their name to, or writing articles that they don’t believe.”Now who could those be? Surely not those who were told, as Andrés Izarra was by his bosses at RCTV during the coup of ’02, “nothing pro-Chávez on screen”? (Izarra quit his formerly cushy job, rather than practise shitty journalism.)“Everyone has the right to freedom of expression, so long as they don’t violate the rights of others or attack the state, the health of other people, or the public morale.”I wonder if the media barons know that. Because it seems to me that THEIR notion of freedom involves an awful lot of violating the rights of others, attacking the state, injuring the health of others, and wrecking the public morale.Especially those at Globovisión, which has come under fire, and deservedly so. Their presstitutes have done everything from stealing confidential documents to deliberate provocation to…well, shit like this:Legislator Rosario Pacheco said that so far the draft that they have of the law considers media crime the publication of false, manipulative or distorted information that causes “harm to the interests of the state” or that threatens “public morale or mental health.” The assembly has discussed a maximum penalty of four years prison.Journalist Asalia Venegis told Venezuelan Television (VTV), “This law project… incorporates everything that is unequivocally expressed in the Law of Journalist Practice and the Code of Ethics, which establish a series of perspectives over what the treatment of the news and the role of the journalist should be.”Diaz also suggested the law should focus on protection for journalists who are coerced into putting their name to, or writing articles that they don’t believe. Therefore, she said, rather than going against freedom of expression, the law should “promote safe and true freedom of expression that reaches everyone and doesn’t attack the peace of the citizens.”Further, she said in Article 20 of the Constitution, everyone has the right to freedom of expression, so long as they don’t violate the rights of others or attack the state, the health of other people, or the public morale.
Is Lina Ron merely a hot-headed would-be revolutionary suffering from an excess of zeal, as she appears, or is she something worse–a ringer for the opposition? Many Bolivarians think that Lina Ron could be an infiltrator; she’s been called up on the carpet more than once for her “undisciplined” actions. It’s amazing that she could have received so many prior warnings (from none other than Chavecito himself!) and still keep doing what she’s doing; such “activism” on her part plays right into Globoterror’s hands. (They insist that it was Chávez himself who sent her and her band of brigands to tear-gas them, which is a blatant lie. He would have to be an idiot to give orders of that nature, and anyone who’s observed him in action, even if they don’t like him, would still have to admit that the man is farA small group of people identified with Lina Ron’s pro-Chavez United for Venezuela Party (UPV) were filmed firing tear gas into the Globovision offices and clashing with police in La Florida, before making their getaway on motorcycles early Monday morning.The attack occurred a day after Diosdado Cabello, head of Venezuela’s telecommunications agency (CONATEL), announced the closure of 34 private radio stations for operating illegally or violating regulations.Globovision, a virulently opposition television channel is loathed by grass-roots Chavez supporters, particularly for its involvement in the 2002 coup that briefly ousted the democratically elected Chavez from power. Many groups call for the channel to be taken off air.While making clear that the government is willing revoke Globovision’s broadcasting license due to its continuous violation of Venezuelan law, Chavez said, “These types of actions do damage to the socialist revolution, because they are counter-revolutionary.”

Oh, nice. When the right-wing fuck up, they really fuck up, don’t they.And this is the schmuck who presumes to tell us that Venezuela and Bolivia are full of terrorist infiltrators, drug smugglers and other assorted scum? And the media just blindly believe him? What else is this putz going to say in his monumental arrogance?Well, check out the purty mouth on him:Israeli police today recommended that the hardline foreign minister, Avigdor Lieberman, be indicted on corruption charges.A police statement said that having completed their inquiries, detectives believed there was sufficient evidence to bring Lieberman to trial on charges of receiving bribes, fraud, deception, breach of trust by a public servant, money laundering, obstruction of justice and tampering with a witness.According to the Ha’aretz newspaper, Lieberman and his associates are suspected of establishing several companies, some of them shell companies, in order to launder millions of shekels and funnel them into his pockets.One of those companies was allegedly headed by Lieberman’s daughter Michal. Police have investigated whether Lieberman continued running these alleged operations even after becoming a public official. In April ‑ days after being sworn in as foreign minister ‑ Lieberman was questioned for more than seven hours over the allegations against him.The attorney general must approve the recommendation from the police before Lieberman is formally charged and it could be weeks or months before a decision is made. Police say the investigation began in 2006 and covered events going back to 2000. The combined maximum sentence for the alleged crimes would be 31 years in prison.
But of course, right-wingers are never criminals. Oh noooooooo.Except, of course, as the passage I cited above this one shows, the investigation has concluded, all right–with the recommendation that charges be pressed. Meaning, Avigdor’s not off the hook. In fact, all his troubles are just barely beginning. At the very least, it means he will have to step down as foreign minister in order to stand trial.For Latin America, meanwhile, the implications are that they won’t have to put up with any more false accusations out of him, because he’s got some pretty damn real ones against himself to contend with. It can also only hurt his party in the next election, and I rather hope it does.And I’ll bet the Iranians and Palestinians would sleep a lot more soundly, too, knowing that the man with the most power to hurt them is going to be out of commission for as long as 31 years.“For 13 years the police have conducted a campaign of persecution against me,” he said. “Only an appeal to the high court, which demanded a halt to the judicial torture of me and my family, obliged the police to conclude the investigation.”

If I were a director at Stratford, I’d strongly consider casting El Narco to play Macbeth. He’s definitely got the chops, if you’ll pardon the pun…Of course, Macbeth was egged on to commit murder too–just like El Doptor Varito, who did it in Venezuela and Ecuador. Heaven only knows where he’ll pull his knife next, but a word to Bolivia and Brazil–watch your backs!Is this a dagger which I see before me,The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.Art thou not, fatal vision, sensibleTo feeling as to sight? Or art thou butA dagger of the mind, a false creation,Proceeding from the heat-oppressèd brain?I see thee yet, in form as palpableAs this which now I draw.Thou marshall’st me the way that I was going;And such an instrument I was to use.Mine eyes are made the fools o’ the other senses,Or else worth all the rest; I see thee still,And on thy blade and dudgeon gouts of blood,Which was not so before. There’s no such thing:It is the bloody business which informsThus to mine eyes. Now o’er the one half worldNature seems dead, and wicked dreams abuseThe curtain’d sleep; witchcraft celebratesPale Hecate’s offerings, and wither’d Murder,Alarum’d by his sentinel, the wolf,Whose howl’s his watch, thus with his stealthy pace,With Tarquin’s ravishing strides, towards his designMoves like a ghost. Thou sure and firm-set earth,Hear not my steps which way they walk, for fearThy very stones prate of my whereaboutAnd take the present horror from the timeWhich now suits with it. Whiles I threat, he lives:Words to the heat of deeds too cold breath gives.—Macbeth, Act II, scene i

Yep, you guessed it. Only I suspect that for “Dr.” O RLY? et al., the problem is precisely that the “kettle” is, in fact, a schwartzer. Albeit, alas for their whole cause, a natural-born US citizen and legitimately elected president.Sorry, O RLY, you shoulda stuck to dentistry. You don’t have the legal or the moral standing to do what you’re doing. After this, though, I doubt you’ll find any sane people wanting your fingers in their mouths.2. and 3. Ryan Fucking White and C.M. Fucking Route. A background check? What, you guys think the FBI hasn’t done it and cleared him already–like, right about the time when he first ran for local office in Chicagoland? Figures that you Keystone Kops are from Georgia, where the odds are much higher that you’ll find birthers (among other assorted racists and dumbasses). No doughnuts for you!4. Lou Fucking Dobbs. When even a FUX Snooze whore like Chris Fucking Wallace–and a flat-out racist like Don Fucking Imus–thinks you’re whack, you’re fucking WHACK, dude.
5. and 6. Bernie Fucking Goldberg and Bill O’Fucking Reilly. Yeah, right, this whole “birther” thing is some kind of left-wing conspiracy to make all you ‘wingers out there look bat-shit crazy. Like you needed any help!7. Jason Fucking Hommel. Keep your ill-gotten money, Mr. “Silver Stock Report”. What I want to know is, what makes you think anyone who uses biblical “prophesy” (that’s a verb, dumbass!) as a basis for his daily decision-making is anyone to go to for a reward for a real birth certificate that the Obama campaign already released long ago? Admit it: your “offer” is null and void. (That’s legalese for “ain’t gonna happen!”)
8. Wiley Fucking Drake. First this unholy roller prays for Obama’s death, now he’s trying to invalidate his birth. O, sweet Jesus–what the hell is wrong with your so-called followers who claim to be “pro-life”, and then turn around and do shit like this? Figures that he’s a Southern Baptist–they broke with the mainstream Baptists onaccounta they started lettin’ the niggruhs in! PS: Imprecation isn’t “praying”, nor is it “agreeing with God”, it’s cursing. Don’t take God’s name in vain, y’all!9. Mark Fucking Joseph. This Neville Chamberlain of the Internets has a sooooooper-genius answer to the whole Birther problem (and the bigger problem of the anti-Birthers, who have the temerity to yell bullshit when they’ve had a bellyful). Namely, that the anti-Birthers should join forces with the Birthers to demand that Obama produce what he has already produced! I would have devoted more rantspace to the silly fuckwit than this, but alas, Tom at Thump and Whip has already, well, thumped and whipped him over it.10. Tommy Fucking Seno. See above, and add “blaming Obama” to the list of soooooper-genius fuckwitteries.
And that’s it for today. It’s now official: Obama was born in Hawaii, I was born in northern Ontario, and all those Birthers were born in a barn. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some serious grogginess to attend to. Cake, ice cream and homemade pasta, anyone?
O, what can ail ye, wretched “knights”,
Alone and whitely loitering?500+ years out of date,And no bards sing.–special thanks to Bartholomew’s Notes for the inspo, and apologies to John Keats.
4. The Fucking East Hampton Village Board of Zoning Appeals. I don’t know how many people are on it, but they’re all shits. How could anybody be opposed to poor kids becoming literate–and coming into a posh neighborhood library to borrow its oh-so-posh books, in the hopes of maybe one day bettering their lives? No, better not let that happen. Better just do away with the entire children’s section instead. Better still, never build one, so that those poor kids never even get the notion of walking in those hallowed and pluperfectly posh doors. These guys remind me of Sarah Fucking Palin, only more so.5. Donald Fucking Wildmon. He doesn’t yet know Obama’s plans for healthcare reform (no one does, because they’re still being formulated), but that hasn’t stopped him from opining (idiotically and crypto-racialistically) on them. I wonder how much the Big Pharma and Big Insurance industries are paying him to blow that ol’ dog whistle.
6. Same goes double for Bill O’Fucking Reilly.7. American Fucking Idol. Remind me again: Why do people watch this show? It’s crap. All so-called “reality” shows are crap.
Oh, silly me. Of course. And if big bucks are somehow attached to it, it must somehow be good, right?8. Karl Fucking Rove. If 84% of US citizens with health insurance are happy with what they get, why are they dropping like flies? Answer: Ask Bill O’Fucking Reilly. He knows.9. Fucking record industry greedheads. Fortunately, to shame them, we’ll always have the awesomely creative, always compelling Annie Lennox. Like my best friend says: “Some artists truly let the Muse rule, rather than the dollar.” Amen!
And that’s it for this week. Brought to you by the “anything for a buck” guys from Newhart.
