News of the Restless

Wankers of the Week: My spycrowave knows all your secrets!

Posted on March 17, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy St. Patrick’s Day to all the Irish folks out there. Special shout-out to one of them whom the Irish are reluctant to claim, Kellyanne Fucking Conway, who as usual supplied all the (inadvertent) mirth and merriment of the week in the form of some truly nonsensical blarney about microwaves turning into cameras and spying on you. Thanks, Barrick O’Bama! And thanks to all these others, too — not necessarily Irish, and in no particular order:

1. Scott Fucking Baio. Chachi, Chachi, Chachi. Is that any way to talk to Trevor Noah, who is funnier in his sleep than you ever were while wide awake? And really, is that any way to talk for someone whose family came to the US (NOT America, just the US) on a boat?

2. Newt Fucking Gingrich. Newty, Newty, Newty…PLEASE stop angling for relevance. Or for positions within the Drumpf “administration” (note the quotes, there for a reason). That ship has sailed, and when it hits the inevitable iceberg and sinks, it will only take you down with it.

3. Fareed Fucking Zakaria. I haven’t trusted this two-bit shit pundit since he first came out in favor of Dubya’s wars. I can see that my good judgment still holds. There is literally NO comparison between Steve Fucking Bannon — an alcoholic Nazi crapagandist — and Howard Zinn, a beloved and rightly respected leftist historian. N-O-N-E. And how embarrassing IS it when professors and legal experts have to write to the Washington Post to set them straight on that?

4. Jason Fucking Kendall. White guy walks into Middle-Eastern restaurant, is shocked to see Middle Easterners working there, starts screaming and hitting one with a pipe? Hardly. This was a targeted attack, and now he’s in jail. Maybe he might want to think twice before taking it upon himself to be a one-man immigration and deportation department in future, hmmm?

5. Richard Fucking Lloyd. Because it wouldn’t be a wankapedia without Florida Man, here’s one who threw a complete shit-tantrum when an Indian convenience store owner, whom he mistook for an Arab Muslim, didn’t have the “right” kind of juice, and decided it was time to run all the Ay-rabs out of town (and country) for that.

6. Sean Fucking Hannity. Because it wouldn’t be a wankapedia without the Baby Jesus, here’s him bawling his fool eyes out again and stirring up trolls into misgendering Chaz Bono in his flailing desperation to bitch-slap a liberal. You’re welcome.

7. Kayla Fucking Dee. Soooooo, if your own kids die of polio because you refused to vaccinate them, that’s just God’s plan? Well, then. I bet you won’t bother to cry when it happens. Because anyone who’s that blithe about contagious, lethal, preventable diseases is a certifiable sociopath. And anyone who’d think their own kids will be spared because God makes special plans for them is a certifiable idiot.

8. Steve Fucking King. Well, look who just went full fascist. Some jackass from Iowa who just endorsed Geert Fucking Wilders, and in turn had David Fucking Duke endorse him. I’m sure that will go down so well, ha ha. And I’m sure you won’t ever be primaried on account of THAT, either. PS: Ooooo, what have we here? Smells like a scandal. And massage oil. PPS: Ha, ha! PPPS: And holy shit, he is dafter than Charles Fucking Manson. Take a bobby pin and burn a swastika into your forehead, Stevie.

9. Sean Fucking Spicer. Because when questioned about his creeping fascism, the White House Easter Bunny responded in a creepy, fascist manner. Happily, the woman he insulted didn’t take it lying down. Or the insults she got for it from ‘wingers on the tweeter, either.

10. Alex Fucking Jones. Puddemup! Puddemup, I say! Careful, dude, that’s Alec Baldwin you’re challenging. Not only might he just take you up on your unkind offer; if he did, he would whup your pudgy redneck ass. Because he’s kind of used to doing that already.

11. Gavin Fucking McInnes. Surprise! Sometimes, a site that appeals to Nazis gets some ACTUAL ones to come out of the woodwork. Did Ezra Fucking Levant really think his islamophobia — oh sorry, anti-Muslim bigotry was somehow special and different? Nope. It’s the same old antisemitism, just aimed at yet another group of non-Christian people. But crank magnetism being what it is, someone who hates the one can just as easily hate the other, provided he’s not the other one himself. Confused yet? Don’t worry, I’m sure it all makes perfect sense over there in Nazi — oh sorry, Alt-Right country. (These fucking snowflakes. You gotta say things just so, or you’ll hurt their fragile feelings. And then they’ll get all triggered and demand an entire country as their safe space!)

12. Ezra Fucking Levant. And while we’re on the subject of #11 and his wankery, Ezzy should be feeling mighty foolish right now for having dragged him along to Israel in an effort to show how “not so bad” the “alt”-right is. Looks like that effort to de-Nazify The Rebel Media™’s image has backfired rather spectacularly. PS: Ha, ha.

13. Lauren Fucking Southern. While we’re still on The Rebel Media™ beat: Never mind that she’s NOT a real journalist, and what she worked for (until recently, when she decided to go full Nazi) was NOT FUCKING EVER a real media outlet. Damned if the little neofascist camp-follower didn’t wangle herself a slot in the White House “press room” (note the quotes, there for a reason). I’d ask who she had to blow (hopefully only in the metaphorical sense) to get in there, but I already have a fair idea. Oh well, at least she’s not stinking up my beautiful, multicultural country anymore with her bilious monotone vomit. Girl, BYE.

14. Joan Fucking Huffman. Did a microwave spy on her? Nope. She just forgot her mike was open before telling a trans man (who is also a doctor who treats trans people) that he was a “pervert”. For being trans. Funny, but the only perversion I could see was in her thought processes. But isn’t it just like a ‘winger to project their own problems onto others?

15. Theresa Fucking May. Yes, that’s satire…but it’s funny because it’s true. She really does have zero sense of irony. Ha, ha.

16. Jon Fucking Jafari. Well, well. Look who’s a Nazi apologist. Yup. THIS guy. And he’s carrying water for #8, of all the stupid-ass motherfuckers. Talk about giving online gamers a bad name…as if the GamerGits hadn’t already done nearly enough on that front. And given that this guy is half Iranian, there’s also a huge fucking shitload of irony in his apologia. Because his dad came from one of the seven countries Drumpf is trying to ban Muslims from entering from, natch. And that makes HIM one of the “other people’s babies” that #8 wants to ban.

17. Felix Fucking Kjellberg. And while we’re on the subject of Nazi apologia that gives gamers a bad name, how about HIM? Yeah, he’s learned nothing from his last brush with negative public opinion. And that’s why he gets no quarter here. The “sorry you didn’t get my lame sense of humor” thing is so fucking old already. Except, of course, to meatspace Beavises and Buttheads who chuckle at every fart joke as if it were the witticisms of Noel Coward.

18. Larry Fucking Klayman. Is it just my eyes, or does he look like he’s in the last stages of liver disease? Certainly this fucking whackjob talks like he never could put a bottle down, so it wouldn’t surprise me.

19. Ralph Fucking Shortey. Dude, just change your name to Ralph Fucking Shorteyes. It fits. And how many right-wing, anti-LGBT politicians does this make now who were caught at motels with underage kids? I’ve lost count. PS: Aaaand BOOM. Yeah, tell us again about how trans women in bathrooms are so dangerous, but right-wing politicians prostituting someone else’s kids aren’t.

20. Pat Fucking McCrory. So your stupid anti-LGBT legislation has made you unemployable, has it? Well, boo fucking hoo. Now you know how LGBT people feel when people like you treat THEM as pariahs.

21. Kevin O’Fucking Leary. Liar, liar, pants on fire — plane got caught in a telephone wire? Nope. Kevvy was just caught fibbing to Winnipeggers about a flight out of TO that didn’t get cancelled due to bad weather.

22. Allison Fucking Pearson. “Off with Nicola Sturgeon’s head”? What fucking century is this, again? And coming not long after Jo Cox’s murder for opposing the Brexit, how fucking irresponsible can one get?

23. Mick Fucking Mulvaney. Cutting Meals on Wheels is “compassionate”? In what bizarre parallel universe is it even remotely that? I have a better idea: How about we cut HIS salary, along with security for all of Drumpf’s trips to Florida AND his fucking border wall, and save seniors and the disabled who need that food?

24. Arthur Fucking Orr. And sticking with the uncompassionate conservative theme for a moment, how about him? How are working poor people supposed to get to their jobs (and bring home the food-stamp bacon) if they can’t even own a car? I say we cut HIM off, too.

25. Rex Fucking Tillerson. Duck and cover, kiddies, Exxon’s secretary of state has just declared war on North Korea. Which may or may not have nukes capable of reaching North America. Feelin’ screwed yet? Please, whoever’s in charge of that nuclear football — HIDE IT FROM HIM AND DONNIE, Y’HEAR?

26. Lynn Fucking Beyak. Oh Lord, HER again. Senator Stupid Shit just doesn’t know when to stop fucking talking. And now she’s pulling the “fake news” card. Resign, you useless, racist eater.

27. Charla Fucking McComic. No, teabagger, Drumpfcare hasn’t taken effect yet. In fact, it hasn’t even been agreed upon, much less enacted. What you’re talking about there is that evil, wicked Obamacare you hated so much. Feel embarrassed yet? Don’t worry, you will…when you get stuck with bills you’ll never be able to pay.

28. Pamela Fucking Geller. What the hell is this professional troll doing in getting all worked up over a school board in Brampton? As usual, mixing herself in where she doesn’t belong, and stirring up hate where none was before. In other words: Cooking up the All-Amurrican grilled bullshit sandwiches, same as she always does.

29. Mike Fucking Pence. Who the hell says “Top of the morning” in Ireland, ever? Literally no one. And that wasn’t even the most cringeworthy part of today’s visit. Poor Enda Kenny had to sit through an awful lot of guff. But hey! At least he got in a fine dig at Drumpf…one so fine that the latter isn’t going to realize what it was until Mr. Kenny is back on Irish turf.

30. John Fucking Rivello. Sending a flashing graphic to a journalist you know to be epileptic, with an eye to provoking a seizure (which of course it did)? That’s attempted murder. Telling him he deserved it, and being just one of a flock of trolls all doing the same? Yeah. That’s a fucking wank. Hope you enjoy jail, asshole.

And finally, to Der Fucking Drumpf himself. From his failure to shake Angela Merkel’s hand to his idiot followers urging a boycott of Hawaii (which is slated to fail spectacularly!), there is literally nothing he and his didn’t wank at this week. And we all know where he’ll be sulking over it yet again this weekend, for the umpth straight weekend in a row. Hey! All those useless seniors, disabled folks and schoolkids aren’t entitled to free meals, but the World’s Biggest Manbaby is still, inexplicably, under Secret Service protection. As is Trophy Wife #3, who is understandably reluctant to be in the same time zone with him. For how much longer? Nobody knows. Pardon me while I consult my spycrowave.

Good night, and get fucked!

Share this story:

Posted in Wankers of the Week | Comments Off

Sebastian Gorka, super senius…

Posted on March 16, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Hey! Remember Drumpf’s so-called terrorism expert, Sebaaaaaaastian Goooooorka, Super Genius? Well, it looks like he’s had a little run-in with a speeding train called Reality:

Sebastian Gorka, President Trump’s top counter-terrorism adviser, is a formal member of a Hungarian far-right group that is listed by the U.S. State Department as having been “under the direction of the Nazi Government of Germany” during World War II, leaders of the organization have told the Forward.

The elite order, known as the Vitézi Rend, was established as a loyalist group by Admiral Miklos Horthy, who ruled Hungary as a staunch nationalist from 1920 to October 1944. A self-confessed anti-Semite, Horthy imposed restrictive Jewish laws prior to World War II and collaborated with Hitler during the conflict. His cooperation with the Nazi regime included the deportation of hundreds of thousands of Jews into Nazi hands.

Gorka’s membership in the organization — if these Vitézi Rend leaders are correct, and if Gorka did not disclose this when he entered the United States as an immigrant — could have implications for his immigration status. The State Department’s Foreign Affairs Manual specifies that members of the Vitézi Rend “are presumed to be inadmissible” to the country under the Immigration and Nationality Act.

Gorka — who Vitézi Rend leaders say took a lifelong oath of loyalty to their group — did not respond to multiple emails sent to his work and personal accounts, asking whether he is a member of the Vitézi Rend and, if so, whether he disclosed this on his immigration application and on his application to be naturalized as a U.S. citizen in 2012. The White House also did not respond to a request for comment.

But Bruce Einhorn, a retired immigration judge who now teaches nationality law at Pepperdine University, said of this, “His silence speaks volumes.”

Well, it seems that the Suuuuuper Geeeeenius has broken his silence now, and it’s only to say what anyone could have predicted he would:

Sebastian Gorka, a top national security adviser to President Trump, has denied reports that he is a member of and took an oath of loyalty to a Nazi-allied group.

On Thursday, The Forward reported that Gorka is a member of Historical Vitézi Rend, a far-right Hungarian group that had ties to the Nazi party from the World War II era.

When BuzzFeed News reached Gorka by phone on Thursday, he stonewalled when asked about the report. “Send a request to White House press,” Gorka told BuzzFeed News. Captain Gyula Soltész, a current leader in the Historical Vitézi Rend in Hungary, later told BuzzFeed News that Gorka is a current member.

So, just to recap: He denied (and lamely tried to give the media the run-around), but a simple howdy-do to the so-called order’s current head confirmed that yup, he’s one of theirs. Fact-checking: What even is that shit?

Whatever that shit is, it’s something “Doctor” Gooooooorka has clearly never done in his life, or else he wouldn’t have written such laughable term papers and tried to pass them off as doctoral material. Or proudly pinned a brooch from a known Nazi-symp organization to his suitcoat on every conceivable occasion, either.

Share this story:

Posted in Der Drumpf, Fascism Without Swastikas, Hungarian Goulash, Isn't It Ironic? | Comments Off

West Virginia feels the Bern

Posted on March 15, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Holy frack. You have GOT to see this town-hall meeting Bernie Sanders attended in McDowell County, West Virginia:

McDowell has the distinction of being the setting of Homer Hickam’s memoir, Rocket Boys (and the movie based on it, October Sky). It’s overwhelmingly dependent on coal mines for its economic survival, with a long history of company towns and brutal anti-union violence. It’s the poorest, most economically depressed county in the US. It’s also the one that went most overwhelmingly for Drumpf…though not because of anything the man himself promised (which was all bullshit and hot air anyway, and the local folks probably knew it), but because he was plainly and simply not Hillary Clinton. She was perceived as one of those out-of-touch neoliberal/neo-conservative elites that the locals have plenty of cause to dislike and mistrust (because guess who screwed them out of everything, time and again? Yup.) And when the DNC rigged its own primaries against Bernie, they had no other option except Big Dumb Orange You Know Who. Being told that Drumpf “loves coal” isn’t what did it; not getting the Democrat they wanted and needed was. (West Virginia went overwhelmingly to Bernie Sanders in the primaries.)

But although Drumpf has essentially turned his back on the place now that he got to where he wanted to be, Bernie sure hasn’t. And the locals will not forget him. He’s the man who should have run against Drumpf, because he’d have won. He speaks to them plainly and simply, yes…but he doesn’t insult their collective intelligence. He knows their value, and he knows they’re not dumb. He also knows they had nothing worthwhile to choose from once the primaries ended. So he’s back there again, talking and listening, and no doubt working on a real economic plan to revive the region, even though it’s a long way from his native Brooklyn (and his current home state of Vermont).

What will it look like? No doubt a lot greener than the current, coal-dusted vision that Drumpf has for his industry-owning, regulation-hating cronies. The fact that the miners in the room all agree that they’d take non-coal jobs, as long as they paid as well as coal, raises the possibility of, say, wind farms on the mountaintops, instead of slack dumps and polluted streams. Those take skilled workers to build and maintain. Black lung isn’t an issue there, as it is in the mines. That’s just one of several possibilities, and I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if Bernie has thought of it already.

Keep watching him, folks.

Share this story:

Posted in Der Drumpf, Economics for Dummies, Environmentally Ill, Isn't It Ironic?, The Bern, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off

Stupid Sex Tricks: Forget spycrowaves. How about spybrators?

Posted on March 14, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Relax, your nuker isn’t spying on you. But if you bought this internet-capable sex toy, guess what? You’re about to have your privacy invaded on a whole new level:

Two anonymous women who alleged an Ottawa sex toy company was collecting real-time data on their use of an Internet-connected vibrator without their consent have reached a US$3.75 million settlement with the firm.

Under the terms of the settlement, Standard Innovation Corp. has agreed to destroy the personal information it has collected from users of the vibrator and stop collecting such information from now on. The vibrator, known as the We-Vibe Rave, could be paired with a smartphone app to allow a partner to control it remotely.

So, if you’re one of the 300,000 who bought one of these, and one of the approximately 100,000 who used them with internet capability, good news! There’s anywhere between $199 and $10,000 in smelly green US smackeroos in it for you.

If you’re not too embarrassed to try and collect, that is.

PS: Oh shit, this actual spybrator has been out since last year, too. Nope nope nope nope, DO NOT WANT.

Share this story:

Posted in Spooks, Stupid Sex Tricks, The WTF? Files | Comments Off

Cambodia’s “war debt” is bullshit

Posted on March 13, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Ever wonder what’s been going on in Cambodia since Pol Pot became history? Well, a few things have: It’s become a high-water mark of sorts for human rights abuses, with one third of the country’s people killed in a genocide so massive that there are walls of skulls to commemorate it. It’s also become, sadly, a hub for child sexual abusers — oh sorry, “sex tourists”. And for the drug trade, which is sucking the lifeblood out of Cambodians at all levels, but especially the farmers and peasants. It’s also hugely in debt to the international banksters, who keep giving it loans to pay back their loans. And now, in the crowning moment of chutzpah, guess what else is going on? No, really — you’ll never guess, because this shit just can’t be made up:

Half a century after United States B-52 bombers dropped more than 500,000 tonnes of explosives on Cambodia’s countryside Washington wants the country to repay a $US500 million ($662 million) war debt.

[…]

Over 200 nights in 1973 alone, 257,456 tons of explosives fell in secret carpet-bombing sweeps – half as many as were dropped on Japan during the Second World War.

The pilots flew at such great heights they were incapable of discriminating between a Cambodian village and their targets, North Vietnamese supply lines – nicknamed the “Ho Chi Minh Trail.”

The bombs were of such massive tonnage they blew out eardrums of anyone standing within a 1-kilometre radius.

[…]

The bombings drove hundreds of thousands of ordinary Cambodians into the arms of the Khmer Rouge, an ultra-Marxist organisation which seized power in 1975 and over the next four years presided over the deaths of more than almost two million people through starvation disease and execution.

The debt started out as a US$274 million loan mostly for food supplies to the then US-backed Lon Nol government but has almost doubled over the years as Cambodia refused to enter into a re-payment program.

So why was that debt never written off or forgiven? Because the Vietnam War, into which Cambodia was illegally drawn, was all about capitalism and imperialism. No debt, no pound of flesh for capitalist imperialists. Simple.

And now that Cambodia is looking somewhat like it’s back on its feet, guess what? The vultures are circling again:

William Heidt, the US’s ambassador in Phnom Penh, said Cambodia’s failure to pay back the debt puts it in league with Sudan, Somalia and Zimbabwe.

“To me, Cambodia does not look like a country that should be in arrears…buildings coming up all over the city, foreign investment coming in, government revenue is rapidly rising,” Mr Heidt was quoted as saying by the Cambodia Daily.

“I’m saying it is in Cambodia’s interest not to look to the past, but to look at how to solve this because it’s important to Cambodia’s future,” he said, adding that the US has never seriously considered cancelling the debt.

Even though they knew that there was little likelihood of Cambodia ever paying it back. Even though they knew that Cambodia has a responsibility to look after its own first, so children don’t end up getting sold to sex traffickers, and so that farmers don’t end up growing opium poppies so foreign drug lords can get rich off their misery.

No, better to just make them pay off that debt to the same country that illegally bombed them 50-odd years ago.

And if you think that doesn’t make much sense, just imagine yourself in my shoes, in total agreement for the first and only time with a former Cambodian dictator:

Cambodia’s strongman prime minister Hun Sen, a former Khmer Rouge commander who defected to Vietnam, hit back, saying “The US created problems in my country and is demanding money from me.”

“They dropped bombs on our heads and then ask up to repay. When we do not repay, they tell the IMF (International Monetary Fund) not to lend us money,” he told an international conference in early March.

“We should raise our voices to talk about the issue of the country that has invaded other (countries) and has killed children.”

And in actual point of fact, they’re STILL killing Cambodian children. Partly through all the unexploded ordnance that still litters the Cambodian countryside. Every so often, an old bomb or landmine goes off, and with it, so do lives and limbs.

And let’s not forget how capitalism, especially sex capitalism, is killing those kids, either. AIDS is now an ever-present scourge in Cambodia, thanks to all those poor misunderstood perverts who come in preying on the young, small and helpless.

But none of that matters. The banksters are still insisting on their pound of flesh. And now that they’ve got a fully complicit buffoon in the White House, their chutzpah has broken loose. At this rate, we shouldn’t be too surprised to hear that war has been declared on Cambodia…all over again.

Share this story:

Posted in Angry Pacifist Speaks Her Mind, Banksters, Der Drumpf, Drrrrruuuugs, Economics for Dummies, Filthy Stinking Rich, Human Rights FAIL, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, The United States of Amnesia, The WTF? Files | Comments Off

Music for a Sunday: What I wanna know, man…

Posted on March 12, 2017 by Sabina Becker

…why oh why is it suddenly winter for realz when we’re just on the cusp of spring?

Bonus! There’s also a German version:

And in case you hadn’t guessed, we’re due for a major snowdumper tomorrow through Tuesday here in Southern Ontario. Lovely! See you on the other side, eh?

Share this story:

Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Confessions of a Bad German, Music for a Sunday | Comments Off

Wankers of the Week: Drumpf’s tinfoil is getting tighter

Posted on March 10, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy one to the tinfoil hatter who’s still, inexplicably, squatting in the White House. I bet he’s feeling those walls closing in, judging by how many weeks in a row now he’s spent in Florida. But there is no escape from the public, and the adulation is getting weaker and fainter as the calls for impeachment grow louder and the evidence piles up. Prepare for the big meltdown, kiddies, it’s coming. And here’s who else melted down this week, in no particular order:

1. Mark Fucking Levin. All right. So. First cracker right out of the box, how about the guy who planted that ridiculous “Obama wiretap” idea in Donnie’s head? Now he’s saying he’s not fucking Nostradamus and has no fucking proof. Marky, why not just admit you lied?

2. Steve Fucking King. And while we’re on the subject of crapaganda and liars, how about him? “Not one morsel of dissent” during the entire eight years that a black man was in the White House, while Repukes like this one were actively obstructing him at every turn? That’s not just a lie, it’s a Big Lie. The kind you’d expect in a dictatorship, not a so-called democracy with so-called freedom of speech. But as usual in Repugnantcon Land, it’s all “free speech for me, and none for thee”.

3. Sarah Fucking Huckabee Fucking Sanders. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how grotesque it is to see her get hired on the basis of nepotism, just to polish that massive orange turd.

4. Derek Fucking Fildebrant. No, little boy, a racist is NOT “somebody who’s winning an argument” (a position a right-wing Albertan wouldn’t know shit about anyway, since they’re used to having all their victories just handed to them on a hereditary basis). It’s an idiot who thinks that throwing out racism memes is a way to win an argument.

5. Kellie Fucking Leitch. And while we’re on the subject of racist ‘wingers from up here, how about her? She just revealed her list of “Canadian values” questions, and man, are they something else. And by “something else”, I mean they’re a fuckin’ JOKE. And by a fuckin’ joke, I mean they’re something that the majority of her own supporters wouldn’t pass.

6. Franklin Fucking Graham. Oh dears, someone sure has his panties in a bunch over a couple of harmless gay characters in Disneyland. Is that a whiff of mothballs I smell? Do I hear something tap-dancing in your closet, Frankie? I have so many questions.

7. Roger Fucking Stone. You can run, but you can’t hide from the Wayback Machine…or from a public eye now sensitized to all forms of misogyny. Also, you DO know what libel is, apparently, or else you wouldn’t have tried to erase those embarrassing tweets. Innnnnnnteresting!

8. Steve Fucking Bannon. Holy crap, does this flyblown dung-eater ever harp on his awful taste in reading materials. And no, it’s not The Turner Diaries. It’s worse. It’s a stunningly ill-written French novel that the publisher of The Turner Diaries actually praised. Thus proving that pretty much ALL right-wingers have deplorable taste in reading materials, and that it gets worse the further right you go.

9. Alex Fucking Jones. Why is he still alive? And why is he still babbling? And most of all, why is he calling for mass murders based on political views he disagrees with? So much for this bullshit “free speech” contention of the far-right…AGAIN.

10. Nathan Fucking Daniel Fucking Larson. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how blatantly unfit to run for office this scum-sucker is. He’s a felon, BTW, so he can’t vote himself, much less pronounce on depriving women of the franchise. Also, he has the most raging case of flibbertigibbertarian Backpfeifengesicht I’ve ever seen.

11. Rob Fucking Schaaf. And speaking of blatantly unfit for public office, how about him? He thinks that drug-overdose deaths are just a dandy way of cleansing the gene pool. Oh, and get this: He’s a fucking doctor. Of all the people who should know better…fuck. Maybe it would be better to revoke his medical licence, eh?

12. Jason Fucking Chaffetz. Meanwhile, the congressional turd-polisher-in-chief is busy lacquering over the shoddiness of the US healthcare system (which is now even worse than ever) by saying people should buy insurance, not iPhones. You can tell it’s been a while since he last priced the cost of his own coverage, eh? Well, there’s something you can do to raise his awareness, and that’s sign and share this.

13. Daryush Fucking Valizadeh. Is it just my weak eyes and ears, or is Roosh looking and sounding more like the Taliban each day? Crikey, between his archaic “thoughts” (note the quotes, there for a reason) and that beard, all he needs is a turban. And a one-way ticket to Tora Bora. Certainly no western woman has any use for him, anyway.

14. Lynn Fucking Beyak. Trying to sell the indigenous peoples on the virtues of the residential school system is like trying to sell the children of Chernobyl on the virtues of nuclear meltdowns and fallout. That “well-intentioned” canard is what the road to hell is paved with. Give it a rest, already! PS: And BOOM. Romeo Saganash hits the nail on the head here. Mouthing platitudes about forgiveness and good intentions doesn’t undo the real, concrete damage that is still reverberating through the indigenous peoples today.

15. Meghan Fucking McCain. Well, there goes that “Republican voice of reason” image that she worked so hard in the early days to cultivate. Ever since she’s been a talking head on FUX Snooze, her brain’s just been leaking out her ears, and her colon has been backing up into her mouth. Poor thing. I hope her gold-plated insurance plan covers the treatments for that, whatever she’s got.

16. Kevin O’Fucking Leary. Welp, didn’t take very long for the bigot in HIM to come slithering out, did it now? But of course, no one has greater respect for women than he does, not even Drumpf! And I really don’t want to see what HIS idea of “competence” is, since he ran his own businesses into the ground…repeatedly. Call me funny, but I think that bespeaks rather a LACK of competence on his part.

17. Lou Fucking Engle. Any doctor will tell you that fasting won’t keep any disease (other than maybe morbid obesity) from dogging you. And it’s absolutely powerless against witchcraft (take it from this Witch, she knows).

18. Maxime Fucking Bernier. Welp, looks like Cons can also scratch HIM off their list of “party leadership candidates who aren’t complete fuckheads like #5 and #16”. Bad news, guys, he’s just as fuckheaded as both of them…maybe even both of them combined!

19. Zachary Fucking Gross. Scalping your girlfriend and setting your pitbull on her? That’s a crime. Mouthing off at a judge? That’s contempt of court…and one helluva wank. Also, that’s a paddlin’.

20. Nick Fucking Vedovi. Two rapes of underage girls? That’s a crime. Breaking out racist insults on an Asian women because she doesn’t text you back right away? That’s a wank…and it’ll get you kicked off your dating app.

21. Jim Fucking Jordan. Pro tip: NEVER spout Repug talking points about medicare to a Canadian reporter. And NEVER disparage our single-payer system. You will get a colonoscopy, free of charge…and also, free of anesthesia.

22. John Fucking Shimkus. Yes, men SHOULD pay for prenatal care. After all, women don’t get pregnant by parthenogenesis. And if you’re going to talk them out of having abortions, as I suspect you would do since there’s an R after your name and you’re from the “heartbeat bill” state of Ohio, the least you CAN do is pay for it, you fucking doorknob.

23. Joey Fucking Hensley. “Christian family values” dictate that teachers should never even be allowed to say that homosexuality exists, according to him. And also, God’s will dictates that a four-times-divorced adulterer should have no qualms about boinking his own cousin. OR trying (twice!) to run over his most recent ex-wife with a car.

24. Carter Fucking Page. Is he as loony as he seems, or is Drumpf trotting him out on purpose as a red herring, to lend credence to his stupid “I wuz wiretapped” claims? Oh, I dunno…why not both?

25. Katie Fucking Hopkins. Meanwhile, across the pond, we have someone else who, like Drumpf, should never tweet. Maybe spray those idiocies across the sides of buses instead?

26. Rush Fucking Limbaugh. The Pigman thinks that the women who marched on the 8th are “self-medicating”, with “skulls full of mush”, who are “pretty much miserable”. Well, of course, the Pigman would know all about that. After all, he went deaf on Vicodin, OxyContin, et cetera, et cetera, and for those whoremongering junkets to the Dominican Republic. Does that sound like a happy, stable, solid-brained person to YOU?

27. Sean Fucking Spicer. What is this, an unconscious cry for help? Flying, or in this case WEARING, your country’s flag upside down is traditionally regarded as a distress call. In which case, maybe this is not a minor wank, but just Spicey’s roundabout way of saying he’d rather go back to being the White House Easter Bunny again.

28. Wayne Fucking Allyn Fucking Root. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how asinine — and SCARY — it is to hear Drumpf and “making passionate love” mentioned in the same sentence by this doubleplusfuckingasshat. Still, I will give him points for one thing: Drumpf really IS screwing the public, “every day, seven days a week” — no doubt about that.

29. Mike Fucking Kelly. So, Barack Obama stayed in Washington to run a shadow government? Then who’s in his shadow cabinet? And why are they not passing any shadow laws? I have SO many questions…mainly concerning what this guy is smoking.

30. Bill Fucking Flores. So, that’s the whole Trumpcare plan, then? Pay extra if you come down with something unexpected? Pay through the nose, and if you’re not covered, you’re screwed? Funny, but that sounds so much like the situation that Obamacare was supposed to address!

And finally, to all the fucking white supremacists out there. From the ones losing their shit over two of their own kind getting sent rightly to prison in Georgia for threatening a black kid’s birthday party with a loaded shotgun, to the ones plotting a cross-burning in North Carolina. And let’s not forget the ones in Arizona threatening a “liberal genocide”. Luckily, the antifascists are alert and ready to shut them down. And all this is gonna do, in the end, is not intimidate anyone, but energize and radicalize those who were on the fence before. Nazis and Klukers are gonna get punched, and they’re gonna find out the hard way that they’re not as macho as they believe they are. And I will be right here to drink their bitter, bitter tears.

Good night, and get fucked!

Share this story:

Posted in Wankers of the Week | Comments Off

Quotable: George Orwell on spy technology

Posted on March 9, 2017 by Sabina Becker

So, kiddies, now you know: Samsung is the official manufacturer of Big Brother’s telescreens.

And Orwell was only out by about 30 years on the date by which such technology would be possible.

Share this story:

Posted in All the Tea in China, Isn't That Illegal?, Quotable Notables, Spooks, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off

Happy Women’s Day. Here’s what we’re (still) up against.

Posted on March 8, 2017 by Sabina Becker

What are we working for? CHANGE. And what are we working to change? These things, among many, MANY others:

If you’re driving while female, be careful about honking your horn at anyone blocking the road. Some asshole with a crowbar could beat you within an inch of your life for it.

If you’re female and can’t drive because you’ve had too much to drink, be careful about taking a taxi. Not only could you be sexually assaulted while unconscious, a judge could say that “clearly a drunk can consent” (meaning you did, just by being drunk and passed out), and your assailant’s defence attorney will still try to spin the case to claim he’s innocent…even if he was seen stuffing your pants and underwear between the car seats, and your DNA was found on his mouth.

If you’re female and living in Alberta, this is what the conservative parties of your province are doing on campus. They’re pushing misogynous crapaganda. Or trying to. And the only reason they didn’t get away with it this time is that they got caught…and caught flack for calling feminism “cancer” in their promotional e-mails. The real question is, why did they even think it was a good idea to screen this “men’s rights” garbage in the first place? (The answer will become apparent when you click on the link and scroll down.)

And no, said crapaganda is not any less misogynous if a woman is filming, pushing, and promoting it. Just sayin’.

If you’re female and living in Ireland, Tuam is a four-letter word to you for sure. And phrases like “mother and baby homes” and “Magdalene laundries” are an outright curse. As is the way the country lags behind the EU in terms of birth control and abortion rights, which is why atrocities like those of Tuam and the Magdalene laundries took place in the first place. Ireland isn’t openly known as a theocracy, but for the last 100 years it may as well have been, because the Catholic church was given far too free a hand in the social agencies of the state.

If you’re female and living in Russia, you may or may not know of the role your foremothers played in the Russian Revolution of 1917. No, the big spark didn’t ignite in October, and ol’ Uncle Volodya Lenin was an Ivan-come-lately. It was a women’s strike in St. Petersburg on this day that got the ball rolling. And that’s pretty significant today, too, because Russia has seen some real setbacks in women’s rights…the biggest recent one being the decriminalization of wife-beating.

If you’re female and a Muslim and can fly a commercial jetliner with an all-woman crew, rejoice…in the irony of landing your plane in a country where women are not yet allowed to drive cars. But hey! That country isn’t on the Muslim ban list, despite having produced 15 of the 19 hijackers of 9-11.

And of course, right-wingers in the US never seem to hold that country up as one of “those places where women have it so much worse than you cunts do in this, the best country in the world.” Where a whole bunch of organizers just got arrested for protesting outside of one of Drumpf’s dumps. Yay! MOAR irony!

If you’re female and living in Virginia, you’ve got this luvverly Libertarian candidate, who thinks it should be legal for fathers to marry their own daughters, as well as abuse them, and above all, to keep women disenfranchised permanently at the voting booth. Thankfully, he’s so toxic that even his own party — a veritable bowl of mixed nuts — is trying to get rid of him. Because he’s embarrassing? Maybe. Because he’s a felon who threatened the life of the first black US president? Oh, possibly.

And oh yeah…this draft-dodging pussy-grabber is STILL squatting in the White House. And tweeting platitudes, as if anyone would ever forget all the sexist shit he’s put out on Twitter in the past. Or the blatantly sexist conflict of interest he’s got going with China right now.

Happy Women’s Day!

Share this story: