News of the Restless

Wankers of the Week: The Drumpfocalypse Inches Nearer

Posted on January 13, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Crappy weekend, everyone! Brace yer ovaries and grab yer rosaries, the global nightmare is lurching closer every day. It’s Friday the 13th, Flight 666 has landed safely in HEL, and that’s not the scariest part. It’s now just one week until THAT DAY. You know, the one in which the US as we know it (shitty and imperfect as it so often is) commences its long journey down the black hole of the Space-Time Continuum? Yeah. THAT day. Everyone knows it’s gonna suck, the question is only how hard. As for the following, well…we already know just how much THEY blow:

1. Katy Fucking Talento. For the umpteen thousand and umpty-umpth time: NO, THE PILL DOES NOT CAUSE ABORTIONS AND INFERTILITY, YOU FUCKING IDIOT. It prevents them by preventing ovulation! Hey, kiddies, see what happens when you don’t have comprehensive sex ed, but you DO have purity culture? You get poopy everywhere! And just think, Drumpf hired this. Drumpf hired Teh Stoopid. But he has a YUGE brain! The YUGEST!!!

2. Bryan Fucking Fischer. Oh dear, someone has forgotten Article 11 of the Treaty of Tripoli. Anybody want to remind him of what it says? Because it’s still valid to this day…

3. Paul Fucking Ryan. How scared is this chickenshit? So scared that he had to hire six security guards to stop a petition from being delivered to his office. Rugged individualists are such fragile snowflakes, aren’t they? PS: Lest you think the graphic below is an exaggeration, I can assure you it is NOT.

4. Shai Fucking Masot. Surprise! Repugs in the US are not the only ones adept at wanking an election in their favor. Israeli “diplomats” in the UK are the same! Gee, I wonder where they learned THAT from! PS: Oh look, they tried to undermine Jeremy Corbyn, too. What a pity no one was fooled. PPS: Sign, sign, sign!

5. Don Fucking MacIntyre. Oh look, here’s one of those imbeciles that Neil Fucking Macdonald thinks we should stop snarking about because being ridiculed somehow “empowers” them. As though listening to them politely and treating their bullshit as equal to fact somehow doesn’t do that.

6. Martin Fucking Shkreli. Oh look, PharmaBro is back in the news again! And this time it’s for harassing a Teen Vogue writer for daring to criticize his boy, Der Drumpf. And of course, he’s going the SEXUAL harassment route, because bros gonna bro, and got his troll army to brigade her, too. Creepy is as creepy does, and this douchebag is a creepo supremo. (Also, barely literate troll is barely literate.)

7. Jim Fucking Crichton. When a little girl has to ask her mother tearful questions about the N-word you said in her presence, that’s when you KNOW you’re a racist. But I guess mom and daughter are the real racists for making an issue of your racism, eh?

8. James O’Fucking Keefe. Oh dear, yet another prank “gotcha” video by the ineptly-named Project Veritas, gone belly-up before it could even be shot. How embarrassing! I guess he’ll just have to disrupt the Drumpf Inaugural Farce all by his widdle wonesome!

9. Kevin O’Fucking Leary. Oh look who was in Florida, addressing all the Con-job snowbirds. Yeah, that guy from Dragons’ Den, the one who thinks he’s gonna be Drumpf of the North. How about NO? Also, fuck Drumpf and fuck YOU for calling him “king”. King of piss is all he is.

10. Tomi Fucking Lahren. Why?

Hey 1% shill, go cry harder about reverse racism and other imaginary shit. And this time, put some real feeling into it, because no one is fooled. Or, in other words: You’re not earning your inflated salary. PS: And looky here. I think we finally know why she doesn’t sound sincere!

11. Kellyanne Fucking Conway. Judge Drumpf by what’s in his heart, not what’s coming out of his mouth? Ooooooo, girl, considering that whole PEEOTUS story that just came out, you sure picked the wrong choice of words there! And what’s in the heart of a man who hires prostitutes to piss on a bed the Obamas slept in, anyway? (For that matter: WHAT FUCKING HEART???) PS: Ooooo, this “worst instincts” stuff sure opens up its own can of worms, does it not?

12. Ayelet Fucking Shaked. Oh lord, it’s her again. Ms. Little Snakes. And once more, she falls on the side of settlers, colonization, and apartheid — and of course, good ol’ Nazified Der Drumpf. How I wish a wall would fall on HER.

13. Yelena Fucking Mizulina. Domestic violence is a whole lot more than just “a slap”. But thanks for letting abusers off with no more than one of those on the wrist. And thanks for telling the world that Russian family culture and traditions are really just all about the patriarchy and the beatings! You actually managed to make Pooty-Poot look good, Serena Joy.

14. Marie Fucking Osmond. Much as it pains me to include someone I watched on TV as a kid, include her I must…because Marie is one of those “we have to unite” ones. Never mind that the US is being called upon to “unite” behind a man whose entire campaign is built on divisiveness, and whose entire career is built on fraud. No, she’s volunteering to sing at the inaugural farce because it’s the uniting thing to do! Hey, Marie? If they tap you, please sing “Paper Roses”…and dedicate it to the Drumpfs’ marriage.

15. Al Fucking D’Amato. Meanwhile, on board a plane, a former US senator and current Drumpf supporter tried to lead a passenger revolt…and got ejected for it. Buhbye, bozo!

16. Amanda Fucking Willis. Because it wouldn’t be a wankapedia without someone from Florida screwing everything up royally, here’s Florida Woman…getting rip-roaring drunk on Fireball whisky at her best friend’s wedding reception, then getting into a brawl and stealing the best man’s car and almost running him over with it. Maid of Honor is clearly becoming a term of irony these days.

17. Peter Fucking Thiel. Oh look, it’s the case for kakistocracy, being made by a pile of ca-ca. Freedom from corruption is “boring” and a “bad thing”? Funny you should say that, Petey. Because if not for your influence — dare I call it INTERFERENCE? — the most crooked and corrupt administration in US history (if not the entire world) wouldn’t be about to take office. Yeah, that’s right, I’m not blaming the Russians for that…why would I need to when the real problem is so much closer at hand, and at home?

18. Bill O’Fucking Reilly. Yeah, HIM again. And he’s a LITERAL wanker this week. Turns out that Andrea Mackris wasn’t the only FUX Snooze employee he harassed with his gross-ass sexual fantasies. There was another woman, and her name is Juliet Huddy. And at least once, he called her up while he was literally wanking. Billo, at long last, have you no shame?

19 and 20. Jack Fucking Posobiec and Tim Fucking Gionet. “Rape Melania”? Now, now, you “alt”-Reich dumpster fires, don’t be giving Der Drumpf any more vile ideas. Seems to me he’s raped quite enough women and girls as it is. Also, ha, ha — your unmasking sure looks good on you, Nazi-boys!

21. Richard Fucking Spencer. And speaking of Nazi-boys, look who’s moving to Washington, DC. Yup, the dowdy — oh sorry, “dapper” suit-and-tie Nazi from Montana who thinks he’s started something. With his ugly haircut and poorly pronounced German? Don’t make me fucking laugh. Oh wait, he couldn’t even scare up an extra $60 for a measly parade permit to scare the Jews back home! Ha, ha. Whoops, there I go, laughing at fascists again. I just can’t help it!

22. Andrew Fucking Anglin. And just to round out the list of Nazi wankers, here’s this guy, whining about how he hasn’t heard back from the ACLU yet. Well, fucking DUH, dude — do you seriously think your plan to harass Jews constitutes “free speech”? There’s a reason why hate-crime legislation is actually popular, and no, it’s not an alien lizard Rothschild conspiracy!

23. Randy Fucking Weber. Eight years of disrespect to a black Democratic president, and suddenly he’s badgering the press to “respect” a bogus billionaire who’s earned bupkus? Pffft.

24. Kellie Fucking Leitch. “Drain the [Rideau] Canal of influence paddlers [sic] and lobbyists”, she says…while holding expensive fundraisers, attended by lobbyists, for herself. Does this woman even listen to herself? PS: Apparently not. And she’s forgotten another thing: Smart or stupid is in what you do, not in what’s tagged onto your name!

25. Ben Fucking Carson. It’s not his intention to do anything to benefit any American, he says? Well, THAT’s obvious! And just think, kiddies, this man has an MD. He and #24 are proof that you don’t need much in the way of brains or a conscience to become a doctor, and that’s fucking SCARY.

26. Paul Fucking Anka. He’s planning to sing a modified version of “My Way” for his ol’ buddy Drumpf’s inauguration? Well, then, I think it’s only fair that we all refer to him from now on as Paul Wanka. PS: Well, looky here. Somebody IS intimidated, after all!

27. Marine Le Fucking Pen. What have we here? Oh, nothing. Just one fascist paying a social call to another at his humble abode. Why do you ask?

28. Bruce Fucking Borders. So, trans people won’t be able to change their birth certificates in Indiana, thanks to him? I would ask what unlucky star he was born under, but I just know it’s Anus Major.

29. Cory Fucking Booker. He dropped his prog-cred in the toilet yesterday by voting against cheaper drugs from Canada; now he’s flushed it by letting Ivanka Fucking Drumpf host a ritzy fundraiser for him. You know what to do, New Jersey readers…don’t you?

30. Bob Fucking Thorpe. Just like #28, he’s bound and determined to drag his state back into the Dark Ages. Arizona, your move!

And finally, to the 13 fucking Democrats who voted against cheaper drugs for their fellow US citizens. I’ve already noted #29 as being one of them. What were their motives? In a word, MOOLAH. The drug companies bought and paid for them. And it looks like they got their wish…IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT, LIKE THE TRUE COWARDS THEY ALL ARE. May your political careers be nasty, brutish and short, you guys, because YOU are the reason your fellow US-Americans have lost confidence in the Democratic party. When there’s so little difference between you and your Repug opponents, what’s the use of voting at all?

And that, incidentally, is why you’re in such deep shit now. Time to stop blaming the Russkies, and time to start looking in the mirror. Long and hard.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Did the CIA “cuckold” Gabriel García Márquez?

Posted on January 12, 2017 by Sabina Becker

According to author Joel Whitney (interviewed here by David Pakman), oh yeah they did. And Gabo, a close friend of Fidel Castro, was not impressed:

BTW, the CIA’s lit-mag funding program has been an open secret for some time now. Whitney’s book is not the first or only one dedicated to it. Frances Stonor Saunders wrote the book on the CIA’s “cultural Cold War” back in 1999. She covers not only the publishing angle, but also the weird, bland excursion of the NATO-based art world into “postmodernism”, which was posited as a “sophisticated” Free World answer to the “socialist realism” of the Warsaw Pact countries. The whole Abstract Expressionist “movement” is a CIA baby. It’s as boring as it is baffling, and I can’t begin to tell you how many hours I’ve spent staring at pieces of it, wondering what the whole point of them was, because they said absolutely nothing to me. Did you know you were supposed to be brainwashed into “loving freedom” by that oh-so-expensive yet oh-so-unprepossessing picture composed of nothing more than three discordantly-colored stripes on a big long board that took up a whole wall in some chic gallery? Yeah. You were. But considering how many people questioned the whole premise, much less the business wisdom of spending millions on a single exemplar, I’d say the CIA art experiment was a flat, matte failure. People were more alienated than exhilarated by what they saw. And a whole slew of mediocre artists got a lot more fame than their works merited.

And meanwhile, a whole lot of brilliant authors, of whom Gabo was by far not the only one, got duped into supporting what was, at its base, a propaganda offensive. It’s no surprise that he was devastated when he found out the truth, and angry too. We all should be. Because at the bottom of it all is the inescapable truth that our “artistic freedom” is being nurtured by a clique of chronic, pathological liars who have the power — and the money — to shut out anyone who doesn’t get and stay in line.

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Posted in Artsy-Fartsy Culture Stuff, Crapagandarati, Cuba, Libre (de los Yanquis), Fascism Without Swastikas, Isn't It Ironic?, Spooks, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off

The PeeOTUS.

Posted on January 11, 2017 by Sabina Becker

So, last night, THIS happened. The whole world found out that Der Drumpf…is really, REALLY into pee-pee:

Nice choice of highlighter colors there, eh?

Yeah, I’ve got a million juvenile jokes on the brain today, just like everyone else who’s heard that news. And the butt of them all is now one BIG, snurky piss joke. From now on, Drumpf is going to be known as the world’s biggest bed-wetter, even if he didn’t pee that bed himself (and why didn’t he? It would have been cheaper…)

But seriously, folks. This isn’t about sexual perversions. (Although I’m sure Drumpf has some ugly ones, the worst one STILL being those 13-year-old girls he paid Jeffrey Epstein for the privilege of raping). And no, Drumpf is not a pee-drinker (a harmless enough fetish, albeit a dumb one). This is not about “kink-shaming” or so-called sex-workers’ rights, so cool your jets.

In fact, it’s not about sex at all.

It’s about how one man has so little impulse control that he couldn’t even resist the urge to “defile” a bed he knew the real POTUS had slept on…four years previously. One who was so consumed with racism, petty hatred and vindictiveness that he actually went to the trouble of seeking out several prostitutes to stand on that bed and pee while he watched. FOUR YEARS AFTER THE REAL POTUS SLEPT IN IT. Little wonder he couldn’t even look the man in the eye when shaking his hand. Remember this?

Yeah. That photo. It now says even MORE about him than we knew.

And really, what a stupid stunt to put himself in a compromising position, too. Because in the end, the Obamas weren’t even remotely touched by it. They never came back to sleep in that “defiled” bed. (Which I hope Drumpf paid the Moscow Ritz-Carlton decently to replace, assuming he had anything left after stiffing all his contractors and gold-plating his tacky-ass penthouse.) No, he only person who ended up suffering from it (other than whoever had to remove that soiled and stinking mattress) was Drumpf himself. He is now, far from being the mightiest man in the world, a global laughingstock. And he has no one but himself to blame.

No one but himself to blame for all those Trump — oh sorry, SCION — International Hotels that will now no longer get built in Moscow, St. Petersburg, Sochi, or wherever, to compete with (and, he no doubt hoped, outcompete the Ritz-Carlton chain, whose bed he “defiled”.)

No one but himself to blame for his own disgrace, before he’s even inaugurated.

No one but himself to blame for the inevitable falling-out with Melania (run, girl, RUN! And take Barron with you!)

No one but himself to blame for the impeachment that is now no longer a question of if, but when.

And no one but himself to blame for how his “friends” in Russia played him like the cheap-ass fiddle that he is. They didn’t even need to buy the rope to hang him with; he paid for it all himself. And they never had to blackmail him, in the end, for whatever nefarious purpose; they still got a good laugh at his expense.

Now the whole world knows what Russia has known since at least 2013: that Der Drumpf is, psychologically speaking, stuck at 10 years of age. Little wonder he talks just like his youngest son; he never progressed mentally beyond that age himself. It all explains so much, from the pussy-groping to the business ineptitude. He’s an overgrown juvenile with money, power and privilege.

And that bodes ill, should he ever get his hands on the nuclear launch codes. More than ever, it is imperative that he doesn’t, because that wouldn’t be in anyone’s interest, not even Russia’s. One blackmail threat from the Kremlin, and it would be “Oh yeah? Well, I’ll show YOU” — KABOOOOOM! And then the retaliatory strikes from Russia, and no more world to build his shitty hotels in anywhere.

Fortunately, I don’t see it coming to that. The Kremlin no longer has its best piece of kompromat, if indeed that is what this is. For, really, what better thing to blackmail him with than his dirtiest little secret? And now that that’s out, that’s OUT. Phew!

On the not-so-bright side, however, there’s still all that other right-wing trash he dragged in with him. Mike Pence, Betsy DeVos, and the whole filthy gang…whom that other filthy gang, the congressional Repugs, have been only too happy to rush through confirmation and rubber-stamp. Those people are dirty, even dirtier than Drumpf’s little stunt at the Ritz, but they sure as hell are no joke. They and the shitty policies they’ve shown no hesitation to ram down the country’s throat are going to put millions of innocent people in an early grave. Poverty and its associated diseases are, sadly, nowhere near as dramatic as a nuclear holocaust, so fat chance of the Drumpf-corrupted media reporting THAT.

And if you think it’s going to be bad for the US, just imagine how much worse it’s going to be for all the countries the US currently has its troops in. Or those its “diplomats” are actively trying to foment coups in. (Venezuela comes to mind, constantly.)

And let’s not even get started on all the Nazified internet trolls who voted for him, and who put him in office, and are now emboldened to think that THEY could control the world. (No, 4chan, no sense even TRYING to claim this stunt à la Daesh, either. “pol/acks”? What are YOU, ten years old too? Anyhow, everyone knows you were behind him, so this claim won’t wash.)

We can and should all be laughing along with the Russians on how they’ve managed to play Drumpf, but the fact is, the US is still stuck with the worst and crookedest government it’s ever had. And in a country with a long and sordid history of bad government, that’s a shower of filth that may well never end.

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Posted in Angry Pacifist Speaks Her Mind, Bullies, Der Drumpf, Fascism Without Swastikas, Fetus Fetishists, Filthy Stinking Rich, Fine Young Cannibals, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Racist?, Merry Old England, Newspeak is Nospeak, Obamarama!, Sick Frickin' Bastards, Spooks, Stupid Sex Tricks, Teh Russkies, The Hardcore Stupid, The United States of Amnesia, The War on Terra, The WTF? Files | Comments Off

“I feel like I need a lawyer”: Drumpf operatives caught offering bribes

Posted on January 10, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Well, well. What have we here?

Oh look, it’s Allison Maass. Trying to bribe “protesters” to violently disrupt the Drumpf inaugural farce, in typical “Project Veritas” (oh what an ironic name!) fashion, and then put out a highly edited “exposé” video supposedly “proving” what baddies the other guys are. Only here’s the catch: The people she’s trying to frame as bad guys are actually a documentary film team, counter-stinging her and James “Dildo Boat” O’Keefe’s crapaganda mill.

In other words: Fake documentarians got busted by a group of REAL ones. In an age of fake journalism wreaking real havoc, that’s kind of a big deal.

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Posted in Crapagandarati, Der Drumpf, Fascism Without Swastikas, Fine Young Cannibals, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off

Oh sweet Jesus NO.

Posted on January 10, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Yes, that is an actual dating profile. And if you ever needed a reason to avoid dating someone from an Internet lonely-hearts site, here you go:

The man who used a dating site to lure his victim to an Edmonton garage before killing and dismembering him is now using a dating site for inmates.

[…]

In 2011, Twitchell was convicted of the 2008 first-degree murder of Johnny Altinger. Twitchell dismembered Altinger and dumped his remains in a north Edmonton sewer.

Twitchell had testified he lured Altinger to his garage to create online buzz for a short film about a serial killer modelled after TV serial killer character Dexter. He produced the film in the garage two weeks earlier.

Twitchell was sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole for 25 years and is incarcerated in Saskatchewan Penitentiary, near Prince Albert.

Well, at least this one’s incarcerated and bound to stay that way for a good long while yet. But still, ugh — who’d want to date THAT?

Well, in case you’ve forgotten, Ted Bundy — convicted of over 30 murders of young women and girls — still managed to find “love” (note the quotes, there for a reason) while awaiting his date with Old Sparky. He even got married to some gullible groupie who no doubt thought he was just a poor misunderstood dear — or that she was the special snowflake who would single-handedly “rehabilitate” him. (Spoiler: He was definitely not misunderstood. He went to the chair unrehabilitated and unrepentant, and probably was only sorry about one thing: that he was ever caught.)

And Mark Twitchell wouldn’t even be the first example of a killer who looked for victims in the classifieds, either. That honor goes to Harvey Murray Glatman, the “Lonely Hearts Killer”, who lured his victims by taking out ads in the newspapers, sometimes posing as a “glamour” photographer, and other times as just some lonely schmo looking for love. The ruse worked, and Glatman would take photos of his bound, gagged, terrified victims before raping and strangling them to death.

There really is nothing new under the Sun, and Mark Twitchell is nothing original either. The Internet is just the latest in a long line of ways for the unscrupulous to take advantage of the vulnerable, and for serial killers and rapists to find victims who appear, in their twisted view, to be “willing”. Internet dating sites are the direct descendant of the old back-of-the-newspaper personal ads, so it’s hardly surprising that the usual (and not so usual) assortment of creepers would be found exploiting them.

Mark Twitchell should never have access to another human being again, no matter how “lonely” he might profess to be.

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Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Sick Frickin' Bastards, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off

Music for a Sunday: One for David Bowie

Posted on January 8, 2017 by Sabina Becker

This isn’t by him, but the vocal and melodic influences are definitely there, as is the overall feeling.

And I miss him more than ever.

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Dear Neil Macdonald: Nobody needs your stinkin’ advice.

Posted on January 8, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Yes, this IS snark. And no, I’m not gonna stop it, no matter who hectors me.

And yes, Neil Macdonald, this includes YOU. I mean, what the fuck kind of “advice” is THIS condescension, anyway?

But with all due respect to my earnest friends on the left, a bit of advice: stop being so damned irritating about it.

Oh gee, Neil, thanks for that lovely, timely “advice”. We’re “irritating”, and that’s why we need to stop protesting whenever we see something and feel compelled to SAY something? So that the delicate skins of our right-wing adversaries don’t get a wee bit itchy? Why don’t they grow a thicker hide, then, like they’re always telling us to do? I mean, last time I looked, the symbol of the US Republican party WAS an elephant, and no creature has thicker skin than THEY do. And aren’t they the ones who wore THESE shirts?

Somehow, I don’t think occasionally slapping people like this upside the head (metaphorically OR literally) when they deserve it is such a bad thing. And rubbing their noses in their own shit when it all starts to stink and get flyblown isn’t such a bad thing, either.

But according to Neil the Free Speech Warrior, that’s out of bounds. I mean, just look at this shit:

Particularly on campuses, the left has developed a prissy, hectoring self-righteousness, which is what happens when a bunch of people who think the same way get into the same room and congratulate one another endlessly on being right. (“Herds of independent thinkers,” as columnist and author Nat Hentoff so beautifully puts it).

Not only do they block out any opposing viewpoint, they begin to shout it down and censor it (because, you know, it’s wrong), and ultimately try to regulate it, writing rules and laws prohibiting its expression. Consult a few university speech codes — particularly those drafted by student unions — for elaboration.

To many social activists, free speech (except when it protects their speech) is just another tool of patriarchal suppression. All debate is just false equivalence.

You can tell that Mr. Macdonald hasn’t been near a university campus lately, eh? Because last I looked, suddenly it was politically correct that any old asshole could get in and have a platform to be heard, even if everything they said was outright toxic. And if “debate” was “shut down”, it was because someone dared to stand up and challenge — oh sorry, heckle the likes of Milo Fucking Yiannopoulos, Ann Fucking Coulter, etc. Or they just stood up on their hind legs and challenged the sorry-ass speaker’s “right” to be there in the first place. Which is, like it or not, ALSO a use of freedom of speech. And a commendable one at that, since it draws the line where the bullshitters are doing their damnedest to erase or blur it. And where the authorities are getting increasingly reluctant to set a limit on campus-speaker bullshit, because they mistakenly believe that everyone has to be exposed to the mental equivalent of anthrax spores in order to “toughen them up” for the “real world” (as though university were not a tough enough place already, or as much a part of reality as any other).

Protesting injustice is an absolute right, even if it inconveniences some special snowflake on the fascist wing, and fails to net some professional bullshitter a few thousand dollars in speaking fees.

This form of free speech, however, is increasingly being trampled and forgotten by well-meaning advice-givers like Neil Macdonald, who think that every last opinion, however odious, needs and deserves to be heard equally. Even that of Richard Fucking Spencer, the “dapper” neo-Nazi who recently came right out in badly-pronounced German to literally “heil” Der Drumpf in Washington, DC.

BTW, as a German-Canadian, I really don’t appreciate an Anglo Yank appropriating my ancestral language (and pronouncing it so poorly) in an underhanded attempt to revive the worst chapter of my ancestral country’s history, this time on North American soil. When even my far-from-liberal father, who was born the year Hitler came to power and has living memories of what life was like under Nazism, says that these guys need to be stopped, that ought to tell you something.

But I suppose that to Neil Macdonald, the far worse oppression is me trying to stop them, eh?

And because any other viewpoint is patently valueless, perhaps even dangerous, they almost immediately go ad hominem, rather than engaging on the issue.

Actually, Neil, this is how the right, and especially the far right, operates. We don’t.

But I’ll tell you one thing, I’ve learned that trying to debate those people is definitely valueless, because they don’t engage to listen or demonstrate respect while differing from us, they engage only to drown us out, intimidate us, silence us, and gloat over our hurt. Nobody else’s hurt matters to these people. (Do I need to bring up those fucking shirts again?)

And now that Neil is on a roll with the hay-baler, get a load of all the strawmen he’s churning out:

Anyone who suggests that someone accused of sexual assault deserves due process — because due process is the only thing standing between a falsely accused person and punishment — is immediately accused of being pro-rape, or promoting rape culture, or helping rapists punish their victims.

Actually, Neil, this never happens. Where did this happen? The Ghomeshi trial? Oh please, don’t make me laugh…because that trial was MORE than fair. He got way more process than was his due, and thanks to his wealth and celebrity status, he also got the best lawyer money could buy. As luck would have it, she even got to play the “feminist” card while whacking the complainants…and the judge allowed it. Which is, by the way, why I say “way more process than was his due”. Complainant-whacking is unethical, and allowing it in court is illegal. Marie Henein and Judge Horkins broke the law. Don’t just take my word for it, take that of actual legal experts. (And you might want to look into their rather unusually close personal relationship, too, as it definitely appears to have had some bearing on this case.)

As for “a falsely accused person”, in the case of rape as with every other crime, that percentage amounts to something in the low single digits. Which is also, incidentally, an order of magnitude greater than that of actually guilty sexual assailants in Canada being found guilty as charged. Remember this chart?

Yeah, kind of inconvenient, that. But it’s also the truth. Sexual assailants don’t get fair trials in Canada, they get favorable ones. Our justice system was written by and for the most privileged class, and that’s well-to-do men. Jian Ghomeshi and Professor Whatsisface in BC have gotten off not because they actually were innocent, but because their relative social privilege carries with it a greater presumption of innocence. Even ironclad evidence cannot stand against it. Yet we’re supposed to believe that giving victims more of a voice, and more of a hearing, somehow robs the accused of “due process”? Don’t make me fucking laugh, Neil, you wouldn’t like me when I get going.

And there is so much here to get me going. Look at all these strawmen:

You can bet they’re listening closely every year at Halloween, when progressives reliably denounce as racist anyone allowing their children to dress up as a member of any other culture. Like, say, sending a little girl out dressed as Mulan.

Or when they’re denounced as Islamophobes for even discussing the question of why so many people who commit mass murder of innocents do it in the name of Allah. Or as transphobes for using the pronouns “he” or “she” without explicit permission. Or as homophobes for obeying their priest or imam. Or as some sort of uninclusive-o-phobe for uttering the phrase “Merry Christmas.”

There are millions of people out there who aren’t terribly interested in a lecture about the difference between “cisnormative” and “heteronormative,” and how both words supposedly describe something shameful.

Hey, Neil? Leave some straw for the cows and the horses, you jackass.

Oh dear, you’re still not done pontificating? Ugh:

Until now, all those people have just rolled their eyes and stuck ever more closely to their own communities, reckoning Canada is actually a pretty decent place, rather than a tyrannical hegemony of various phobes.

Yeah, well…when they’re not the victims of racism, sexism, religious bigotry, or various normative phobias, it’s easy to see where they got that idea, however delusional it is. A world where their own kind is the only kind is very cozy and reassuring, and they don’t take kindly to having that delusion popped. No wonder they circle their wagons and get all defensive when some rude leftnik challenges their shit.

Of course, that sticking-closer-to-their-communities thing is what makes right-wingers the special snowflakes they are, so fragile that you can’t even question their behavior without them falling apart and making scenes like this about it:

That’s right, having to be equal to Those People, and pay up equally, is terribly discriminatory for conservatives. The poor babies! Better get Der Drumpf to make a federal case of it for them, eh?

Just imagine how they’ll melt down when he fails to make those $1 reusable bags free for white people after all their voting for him and making a big tra-ra about it. Oh hell, I’m imagining it, and giggling over it already.

But here comes Neil again, pouring cold water long after the Ice Bucket Challenge has run its course:

Right now, there’s not much of a Trump nation to join in Canada. But there could be. Certainly a couple of rather opportunistic Conservative leadership contenders are trying to create and lead one.

Just watch: their every speech will contain an invitation to those who are “sick of political correctness.” We’re already hearing recycled Trump-tropes about insiders and elites and left-wing media.

So, liberals, tone down the snark. Because while every starchy little condescending shame-tweet might help you feel superior, it really just empowers Trump’s Canadian pretenders.

Hey, Neil? How about you just fuck off with that “advice”? Would you tell Charlie Chaplin, the Marx Brothers, and the Three Stooges to tone down THEIR mockery of fascists because it somehow “empowers” these idiots to get their bubbles repeatedly pricked? No? Then don’t give it to me. Because I’m not going to fucking take it.

No more than I am going to take the fascists and their attempts to silence me.

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Posted in Bullies, Canadian Counterpunch, Confessions of a Bad German, Crapagandarati, Der Drumpf, Do As I Say..., Fascism Without Swastikas, Isn't It Ironic?, Men Who Just Don't Get It, Not So Compassionate Conservatism, The Hardcore Stupid, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off

Wankers of the Week: WWCFD?

Posted on January 6, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy New Year to you all, especially all you true Star Wars fans who rightly observed that the Rebel Alliance are fighting against fascism, not for it. May the Force be with you! You have nothing to lose but your slave-dancer chains. And those chains have many links. Some of the weakest ones are, in no particular order…

1. Alan Fucking Dershowitz. Sez he’s going to leave the Democratic party if Keith Ellison becomes DNC chair. Hey Al, is that a promise? Because it’s one I’d love to see them hold you to. So long, farewell, and don’t let the door hit you where your mama done split you.

2. Greta Van Fucking Susteren. She may have left FUX Snooze, but the racism and demonizing tendencies she got paid for while working there certainly haven’t left her. Otherwise, she’d call in the National Guard everytime Florida Man (who is typically white) gets high on bath salts and goes around standing his ground, and quit picking on “inner city” Chicago.

3. Sean Fucking Spicer. Stop mocking Der Drumpf for taking credit for shit he hasn’t done? Are you kidding? He isn’t even in office yet. And the prospect of him ever being there at all, even for the blink of an eye, is so depressing that we’ve got to have SOME way of coping with it. Even if that means sick humor at his expense. So take your “proprieties” and stuff ‘em back up the orifice you pulled them from. It really is a laugh that anyone should defer to that pussy-groping wanker.

4. Gerard Fucking Baker. Afraid to call Drumpf a liar, even when he lies constantly, chronically and pathologically? Then the rest of the world should hesitate to call you a journalist, much less an editor. Maybe it would be better to call YOU a liar, too.

5. Katie Fucking Hopkins. She’s totally not racist, you guys! And to show you just HOW totally not racist she is, she retweeted an open Nazi who approves of her totally-not-racism! Good job, you horse-faced fascist git!

6. Kellyanne Fucking Conway. First, they came for the ethics panel, and she did not speak out, because she is not an ethical person. And why is that? Because she sold her own ethics downriver on the day Der Drumpf put her on his payroll. Why else?

7. Marsha Fucking Blackburn. If anyone really cares about draining the political swamp, how about voting out the cretinous cruds like this one, who actually supports the gutting of the one office that stands between the US congress and an actual swamp? Just a random thought. PS: Ha, ha.

8. Jack Fucking Abramoff. Hey! Remember him? The guy who turned the US congress into an actual swamp along with other lobbyists? Well, now he’s lecturing THEM on morality. Anbody fooled by this act?

9. Reed Fucking O’Connor. Once more, with feeling, and loud enough that Hizzoner can hear it: If someone’s religion prevents them from doing their job, they should exit the medical profession and let someone else who is qualified do it instead. Fuck all these idiotic “conscience” clauses.

10. Ivanka Fucking Drumpf. Remember what I said about draining the swamp? Well, this one and #7 are just two of the many crocs now swimming in it. And this worse-than-useless childcare plan is just one of their many crocks now floating in it. For fuck’s sake, Ivanka, just stick to peddling your overpriced baubles, wouldja?

11. Mike Fucking Enzi. Oh look, the swamp just got deeper and muddier. And the first “repeal Obamacare” resolution is now poisoning the waters. Drain that motherfucker! Drain it, I say!

12. Jeff Fucking Sessions. You know you’re a racist — and unfit to be attorney general — when the NAACP holds a sit-in at your office until you withdraw or they are arrested, whichever comes first. Gosh, isn’t it just like old times again?

13. Mordechai Fucking Ben David. He just basically called the president of the US the Hebrew equivalent of the N-word? Well, bless his heart!

14. Timothy Fucking Blake. Because it wouldn’t truly be a wankapedia without at least one actual wanker, here you go. This one played with himself in shopping-mall parking lots, caught the sploodge in syringes, and then squirted it on random women in the malls. And it only took about a dozen incidents before he was finally caught. And just think, you guys, this gross-ass fucking creeper is married! Something tells me he won’t be for much longer, though.

15. Jennifer Fucking Boyle. Oh fuck, HER again? Yup. And the racist wanks just keep coming, unabated. She really does have a persecution complex. And she won’t stop yapping till everybody knows just how much of an entitled snowflake she is for not getting a $1 reusable bag for free.

16. Nick Fucking Kouvalis. Ah, how good to know that Kellie Fucking Leitch’s press flack (who worked for Rob Fucking Ford in the past, as well as John Fucking Tory) is a deliberate spreader of fake news. Remind me again of why we’re supposed to vote Conservative, or take these racist fucking assholes seriously as politicians? Because I swore in the early ‘90s never to vote for another one, and so far, all I’m getting is confirmation of the wisdom of that choice.

17. Chuck Fucking Todd. No, Der Drumpf’s magic tweets did NOT reverse the Repugs’ closed-door decision to gut the ethics committee. The mass protest of millions of outraged US citizens did that, you fucking moron of a presstitute.

18. Bo Fucking Bice. Who? Oh, just that white boy who’s out to dethrone #15 as the Most Entitled Aggrieved White Person in Amurrica, that’s who. Srsly, though: calling somebody white is not racist. Why? Racism only works one way, and it’s in favor of white people.

19. Robert Fucking Stivers. So, women in Kentucky now only have one choice: whether or not to conceive? Well, I wish to Goddess that his mother had chosen not to conceive HIM. And that all the mothers of all his co-religionists had done likewise. In so doing, they could have saved the women of Kentucky from a world of ill-conceived hurt.

20. Jason Fucking Kenney. Yes, Jason, please do enlighten us all about climate change on Neptune while our planet goes to hell in a man-made handbasket. You do realize that you will NEVER have a shot at the PMO, right?

21. Joe Fucking Biggs. Hey, stupid, if you want to lube your dongle with Tabasco sauce (note correct spelling), you go right ahead. My ass, however, will be nowhere near you OR your vial of roofies. And I’m not gonna make you any fuckin’ sandwiches, either.

22. Kellie Fucking Leitch. Oh look, it’s #16’s boss again. And she’s not only agreeing with FUX Snooze’s idiocies about “socialized” medicine (which disgraces her as a doctor), she’s also getting endorsed by actual fascists here, which disgraces her as a politician!

23. Jerry Fucking Dias. Meanwhile, speaking of so-called Canadians disgracefully agreeing with bullshit from south of the border, get a load of HIM. The head of the UNIFOR union, agreeing with Drumpf? Or rather, falling for his blatant lies? Ugh. When will our leftists be leftists again?

24. Laura Fucking Ingraham. How to respond to an allegedly racially-motivated attack by a black gang on a disabled white man? Whip up the online racists! Yeah, that’ll work…ultimately, against this racist harpy.

25. Megyn Fucking Kelly. You can take her out of FUX Snooze, but you can’t take FUX Snooze out of her. She’s hyping the “blacks are thugs” angle for all it’s worth, too. After all, she and #24 have to compete with Tomi Fucking Lahren, the most racist blonde on TV. Speaking of whom, what’s SHE up to? Oh gee, I never would have guessed. Tomi, dear, remember Idaho, and shut the fuck UP (too)!

26. Newt Fucking Gingrich. Once more, with feeling: “BLACK RACISM” IS NOT A THING, YOU STUPID GIT. Now shut up, Newty, and fade back into obscurity where you belong.

27. Ann Fucking Coulter. Oh look, the Coultergeist FINALLY admitted she’s a neo-Nazi! Not that we hadn’t guessed it already, many years ago. Now, the big question: Will she deny and “set the record straight” by claiming that her cryptic numeric tweet wasn’t what the Alt-Reich thinks it was?

28. Paul Fucking Ryan. Well, well. Look who’s trying really really REALLY hard never to get laid again. That’s right…THIS GUY! Don’t worry, Paulie. Six months from now, your balls are gonna be bluer than Monica Lewinski’s famous dress. And two years from now, you and all your bedfellows in Congress will be out on your pimply asses, looking for work in the most hostile job market EVER. Especially if you go ahead and bill the US taxpayers while you build that wall that Mexico won’t.

29. Ezra Fucking Levant. Sued for libel AGAIN? This is getting to be something of a pattern for you, Ezzy. Maybe it’s a sign that you need to find some other line of work…like, oh, say, hammering licence plates, or breaking rocks. Something to keep your hands occupied at something useful, and your big mouth shut, in other words.

30. Blake Fucking Farenthold. Well, look who decided to vote in favor of gutting the ethics commission…someone with no ethics to be gutted at all! How very convenient!

And finally, to the Fucking Jewish Defence League. Only — and here’s the funny part — they aren’t actually in the business of defending any actual Jews. That’s right…they’d rather defend fascists FROM the Jews. Even when the fascists are marching AGAINST the Jews. This might seem odd, but this is the same JDL that sucked up to the English Defence League…not their co-religionists in a religious sense, maybe, but in a fascist sense definitely. Bedfellows really do make for strange politics, don’t they?

Good night, and get fucked!

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