So, what was really in those leaked Podesta e-mails?

According to these guys, something kind of surprising…and no, nothing to do with pizza parlors and secret back rooms. Something much more mundane, and most likely the real reason the US election went up Shit Creek:

Here’s the meat of the story, courtesy of The Hill:

Vice President Biden believes Hillary Clinton lost the presidential election in part because she never figured why she was running for the nation’s highest office.

“I don’t think she ever really figured it out,” Biden told the Los Angeles Times in an interview published Thursday. “And by the way, I think it was really hard for her to decide to run.”

As evidence, the vice president pointed to similar concerns raised privately by Clinton allies in hacked emails that were published by WikiLeaks in the midst of the campaign.

[…]

“She thought she had no choice but to run,” he said. “That, as the first woman who had an opportunity to win the presidency, I think it was a real burden on her.”

[…]

But Biden said he had a sneaking feeling that Donald Trump could pull off a victory by the way he energized crowds in white, working-class areas, like near Biden’s birthplace of Scranton, Pa.

“Son of a gun. We may lose this election,” Biden recalled thinking. “They’re all the people I grew up with. They’re their kids. And they’re not racist. They’re not sexist. But we didn’t talk to them.”

He said the Democratic Party as a whole suffered because “we were not letting an awful lot of people — high school-educated, mostly Caucasian, but also people of color — know that we understood their problems.”

There is “a bit of elitism that’s crept in” to party thinking, he said.

That, plus the elephant in the living room: the massive popular appeal of Bernie Sanders, who DID energize the grassroots, and who got shafted in another way by DNC elitism, namely the machinations of Debbie Wasserman Schultz and the Democratic superdelegates (who could not be more of an unfairly advantaged elite if they tried). The media’s collusion against him was another factor, and an underreported one (for obvious reasons).

There’s an important lesson to be gleaned from all this: If you don’t stand for something, people who will fall for anything will vote against you, and people who matter will sit this one out. And they will, collectively, fuck your country’s shit up.

Share this story:
Posted in The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on So, what was really in those leaked Podesta e-mails?

“Veteran Rockette” is out of step with modern Rockettes (and reality)

Es wird nicht aus der Reihe getanzt! Oder doch?

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the New York Post. The right-wing tabloid has finally dug up a lone voice of good old-fashioned conformity — masquerading, as conformity so often does, as “professionalism”. Meet someone you’ve never heard of, and probably will never hear from again, unless maybe FUX Snooze makes her a regular commentator:

“The only thing the Rockettes should be focused on is performing for our nation and helping unite us all with the joy, love, beauty and strength for which they are famous,” says Patty DeCarlo Grantham, a retired member of the world-famous troupe.

Grantham, president of the 552-member Rockette Alumnae Association, says she “cringed” when controversy erupted last week over plans to have the Radio City Music Hall dancers perform during the festivities surrounding Trump’s Jan. 20 swearing-in.

Grantham was specifically upset over ex-Rockette Autumn Withers urging the troupe, famed for their high-kicking in unison, to boycott the inaugural.

“We are all aware how contentious this election has been for our country,” Grantham wrote in an email to the Madison Square Garden Co., which owns Radio City.

She also wanted MSG owner James Dolan “to know that in no way does Ms. Withers’ opinions reflect the opinion of the Rockette Alumnae Association.”

“Like the millions of people who are true Rockette fans, we cannot wait to see the Rockettes proudly ‘strut their stuff’ for the upcoming inauguration of the President of the United States of America.”

Grantham sent a similar message to members of her organization, saying: “I know most of you, and certainly Russell [Markert, who founded the Rockettes in 1925] would consider it a great honor to be invited to perform for our country’s most prestigious celebration of democracy.”

Methinks somebody has a strange idea of “democracy”, given that the person the Rockettes were commanded to perform for has actually lost the popular vote by a margin of close to three million. And he would never have a shred of democratic legitimacy if not for that other creepy anachronism, the Electoral College, which was supposedly put in place to prevent just such a disaster from happening, but in fact was really meant to preserve slavery, plutocracy…and indeed, everything BUT democracy. They actually certified this clown-show. It was a slap in the face to democrats, big-D and small.

And that slap stings especially hard for the Rockettes, who would have to kick up their legs in tiny costumes and paste on big, fake smiles, knowing all the while exactly what kind of thoughts were running through the soon-to-be president’s badly-coiffed head. Everyone in the world knows just what Der Drumpf thinks of leggy women. Women like the Rockettes, who have braved a great many leers over the near-century of the troupe’s existence. So one can only imagine the Rockettes’ collective dismay at finding that their management has literally thrown them to the wolf — a wolf well known to barge into teen beauty contestants’ dressing rooms unannounced, but invariably while the girls are between costume changes.

Of course, such understandable workplace-safety concerns don’t matter squat to the management of Radio City Music Hall, any more than they do to Drumpf. And the Post? Well, they dismiss all that as mere “griping”. Or, as their “well-respected veteran Rockette” puts it, “an opportunity for people who want to get publicity to get publicity.”

As though pushing the Rockettes into an engagement that not one of them wants were not exactly that…for James Dolan & Co. And as though putting herself out in front of Rockette alumnae in this fashion were not exactly that…for Patty DeCarlo Grantham.

Meanwhile, however, there’s a definite rumbling coming from Radio City, and it’s threatening to drown out this voice of bogus reason:

They wanted no part of Trump or his inaugural, but felt they might lose their jobs if they didn’t show up for the festivities. Eighty of the Rockettes are part-timers or are on call, and their jobs were at risk if they turned the inaugural gig down. Thirteen are full time and work under a contract that says they are obligated to work at “all regularly scheduled performances.”

Despite their fears, many Rockettes spoke out, publicly. They told the press that they did not want to perform for a president-elect who is sexist, anti-Latino, anti-LGBT and who threatens their colleagues who are undocumented immigrants working as stage hands.

One Rockette, “Mary,” whose name was changed to protect her from retaliation, told Marie Claire magazine that her colleagues were crying through their Christmas show. The woman who danced next to her “felt she was being forced to perform for this monster.”

Mary, a part-timer, went on to say, “If I had to lose my job over this, I would. It’s too important.

“This is not a Republican or Democratic issue — this is a women’s rights issue,” Mary said. “This is an issue of racism and sexism, something that’s much bigger than politics.”

And the Rockettes’ union wound up backing them up, so no one will be losing her job if she begs off.

So it’s clear that this is not about partisanship OR a mere publicity grab. Most of the Rockettes have been fighting for their rights anonymously. They could not be LESS publicity-minded. And not one of them has come forward whining about her vote in the election, either. All of them are concerned about the message their performance would be sending to all the people the Drumpf administration will be trampling on. And they don’t want to put any of their sister dancers at risk for a sexual assault, either.

The Rockettes may kick in unison, but even they have the right to dance out of line when the “line” is out of step with the times, with reality, and with good sense. And certain alumnae, who are not being called upon to put a smiling face on a deadly farce, would do well to remember that.

Share this story:
Posted in Der Drumpf, Do As I Say..., Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Isn't It Ironic?, Not So Compassionate Conservatism, The United States of Amnesia, Uppity Wimmin | Comments Off on “Veteran Rockette” is out of step with modern Rockettes (and reality)

Compare and Contrast: POTUS vs. Drumpf

How do you wish your country a happy new year? Well, here’s how Barack Obama does it:

And here’s how Der Drumpf, er, tries to do it:

Gonna be a long next four years, folks. Hope you’re well stocked with medication.

Share this story:
Posted in Compare and Contrast, Der Drumpf, Obamarama!, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Compare and Contrast: POTUS vs. Drumpf

Music for a Sunday: Hope you’re sleeping too

I hope you’re…

I’ll bury you good and straight and right, 2016. Happy New Year…

Share this story:
Posted in Music for a Sunday | Comments Off on Music for a Sunday: Hope you’re sleeping too

Wankers of the Week: The Year That Couldn’t End Soon Enough

death-person-of-the-year.jpg

Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy New Year to one and all. Looks like 2017 is, indeed, going to be at least as crappy as 2016 has been. Let’s hope it’s not as full of death, at least not for people we actually like. But if we’re gonna talk people we dislike and wouldn’t miss, well…let’s just say all of these are on MY list, in no particular order:

1. Newt Fucking Gingrich. Uh, Newty? You may want to NOT use the blow-up doll metaphor when speaking of Der Drumpf. We really don’t need that image in our heads, much less with regard to his trophy wives.

2. Lana Fucking Sprayberry. Pro tip to all the white trash out there: Never tell innocent black people how to comport themselves before police. They already KNOW there’s no “right” way to avoid getting arrested, handcuffed, beaten or even killed. Even if YOU don’t.

3. Nigel Fucking Farage. Why?

farage-unchristian.png

Never mind that Christian bollocks, here’s the Drecks Pistol. And even the atheists are like “fuck this noise”. PS: OMG, is it true that he’s trying for German citizenship, of all places, after all his railing against the EU? It would appear so. And THAT would make him one helluva hypocrite. Brexit really is the grift that keeps in giving, innit?

4. Carl Fucking Paladino. When your own son thinks you’re shit, you’re SHIT. Especially when he comes out and says so on Christmas Eve. PS: And BOOM. Buhbye!

5. Wilbur Fucking Ross. Well, now we know why Der Drumpf was so bullish about Brexit — his commerce secretary-to-be thinks it’s a golden opportunity to steal business away from the UK! What a blow this must be for all those poor idiots who voted for him on the grounds of xenophobia and racism. Or, as they would call them, “principles”.

6. Sean Fucking Spicer. Bad enough that Reince Fucking Priebus decided to announce the “birth of a new king” in concert with Drumpf’s soon-to-be accession to the US throne; now the RNC spokesdroid is referring to journalism as an “attack on Christ”. And he also had the nerve to accuse Buzzfeed of “politicizing Christ” when it’s what Repugs have been doing all along, especially with their messianic marketing this election year. Yeah, that’ll really convince people that you were talking about Jeebus, and not Drumpf, who is notoriously thin-skinned when it comes to journalists.

repug-jesus.jpg

7. Hussam Fucking Ayloush. He’s sad that there weren’t MORE “military personnel” aboard the TU-154 that crashed in Russia? Considering that most of the “military personnel” in question were a famous and much-loved choir, and the civilians aboard included a famous and much-loved humanitarian doctor, that’s just unconscionable. And sickening.

8. Tucker Fucking Carlson. So, how’s it feel to get your dick punched in by a girl who writes for Teen Vogue, Bowtie Boy? Ha, ha.

9. Chris Fucking Corley. Hey. Remember him? Last year, about this time, he was waxing all holy and self-righteous on his Xmas cards about the removal of the Confederate flag from the South Carolina statehouse, and earning a place on this list for doing so. This year, he’s been arrested for beating his wife, who caught him cheating. And he only paused a moment when he heard his own kids holler stop. Bless his heart!

jesus-sent-bernie.jpg

10. Boris Fucking Epshteyn. An “overwhelming” number of women actually support pussy-grabbing misogyny? Will wonders never cease! And here I thought the actual case was that they voted against all that, and it was only the white male vote that carried Drumpf. Goes to show I can’t trust popular votes OR my lying lady eyes.

11. Mike Fucking Huckabee. I don’t recall anyone asking Fuckabee what he thought should be done about the UN. And I’m pretty confident that his “advice” won’t be taken. Go fuck yourself, Hucky Fudd…all the way back to obscurity in Arkansas.

12. Michael Fucking Weiner. Never mind that child enslavement, let alone of white children, was NEVER on the agenda for anyone in the Obama administration. The Savage Whiner thinks it was, and he will not be persuaded otherwise. After all, this IS the post-truth era! And he’s entitled to his own opinion, as fact-free and idiotic as it is!

2016-all-yours.jpg

13. Dov Fucking Katz. Pro tip for all would-be johns: When offered the sexual services of a 15-year-old girl, with or without condoms, ACCEPT. And most definitely DO show up with hundreds of dollars in hand at an agreed-on location, so that the cops can arrest your perverted ass in a most unceremonious fashion.

14. Mike Fucking Cernovich. Not content to merely sell bogus muscle-boosting juice anymore, Juicebro is now undergoing an extreme fascist makeover. Only, as is somewhat predictable with such things, his Little Hitlerization isn’t going so well. Instead of taking over the world, he’s finding that all the other wannabe Little Hitlers are hellbent on doing dictatorship THEIR way. Or ways, rather. Which kind of bodes ill for the “alt-right” Nazi movement, but not so badly for life in general…or lulz in particular.

15. Tim Fucking Treadstone. And here’s the other half of the DeploraBRAWL with #14, who was shocked — SHOCKED! — to find actual Nazis in his totally-not-a-Nazi Nazi party! We see you, “Baked Alaska”. And we strongly suggest you name yourself for a different dessert, too. Preferably one made of sewage, to match your ideology.

one-hundred-nazi-scalps.jpg

16. Scott Fucking Walker. There are an awful lot of things Simple Scotty doesn’t understand, and global warming is just one of them…but this week, that’s what lands him on this list. Because trying to scrub it from official Wisconsin government web pages won’t stop it from happening…or counteract the need to do something about it besides incinerate facts in the Memory Hole.

17. Alex Fucking Jones. No, Carrie Fisher (and now, her mother Debbie Reynolds, too) was NOT killed by “starkillers”. She died of heart disease, which can affect virtually anyone…famous folks and common peons alike. At long last, shut up, you fucking moron!

18. Katie Fucking Hopkins. Why?

katie-hopkins-talentless.png

That’s why. Talent: it gets you further in life than being a professional piece of shit. And trust me, no one’s gonna miss this turd when she’s flushed down the toilet of Eternity.

19. Howard Fucking Caplan. Oh joy, oh bliss, another Pizzagate nimnul. Guess he doesn’t yet know that #17 has been quietly scrubbing that incendiary bullshit off his site, realizing (however belatedly) that it made him look bad.

20. Jim Fucking Bakker. Drumpf is for bible reading in schools and says “Merry Christmas” instead of Happy Holidays? Wow. That has got to be the LOWEST bar for holiness and righteous purity ever. But what do we expect from a guy who raped his own church secretary and bilked his viewers so he could buy his dog a climate-controlled kennel that’s fancier than most humans’ master bedrooms?

21. Milo Fucking Yiannopoulos. A quarter-million book deal for a professional troll? Bad move, Simon & Schuster, to reward him for blatant racism and misogyny. And a bad bargain, too, as it’s going to end up in the remainder bin before the new year is out. After all, Drumpfites and GamerGits are all functionally illiterate. They’re not going to buy some gay guy’s book, much less READ it.

drumpf-invitation.jpg

22. Bristol Fucking Palin. Remember her? She was on Dancing With the Stars, despite not being a star at all, in any sense. And now she’s pissy that no one wants to perform for Der Drumpf’s inauguration…well, no REAL stars, anyhow. Hey, Bristol, what’s stopping you…other than your complete lack of talent for being anything but an utter fucking asshole?

23. Paula Fucking White. Some say that the Prosperity Gospel is heresy. I say it’s just par for the Drumpfite course. If you’re gonna make a mockery of the inauguration for this monster, why not go all the fuck IN?

24. Bob Fucking Vander Plaats. God “intervened” to elect Drumpf? So, God is an Internet-trolling plutocrat with a sick sense of humor, zero competence, and an absolute loathing for women? Got it.

drumpfy-new-year.jpg

25. Kurt Fucking Schlichter. Trivializing the Holocaust just to make your boy look better? That’s a paddlin’.

26. Sarah Fucking Palin. Don’t talk about “national sovereignty” when it’s clear that you have zero understanding of the concept, Quitbull. And fergawdsakes stop waving those pom-poms for Drumpf; he’s not going to give you any jobs, so don’t make an even bigger fool of yourself than you already are.

27. Jennifer Fucking Boyle. What, YOU again, lady? Can’t you talk to any non-white person without making a fucking scene? Oh, I see…you can’t. No wonder you voted for Drumpf. Hey, maybe if you scream loudly enough, he’ll hire you as his press secretary, or some such.

drumpf-mandate.jpg

28. Andrew Fucking Anglin. Well, look who joined the meninist bowel movement. Yup, it’s that jackwagon from the Daily Stormer, and he, too, is having feeeeeemale trouble! As in, no girls want to fuck his pimply Nazi ass, and he’s gonna cwy. Bawwwww, diddums.

29. Bibi Fucking Netanyahu. All that bluster at the UN won’t do him any good…Bibi is under criminal investigation for bribery and fraud. You’re next, Drumpf!

30. Todd Fucking Starnes. A lone member of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir resigns rather than sing for Drumpf, because her conscience will not let her? And you think that’s “repulsive”? Dude, you should look at your own face in the fucking mirror, already. Oh wait, I forgot…you vampires don’t have reflections, do you? And don’t worry…if you think Drumpf won’t duplicate and even exceed Hitler’s feats, just give it time. Four years from now, you’ll be begging for deliverance from him. Assuming you haven’t been reduced to radioactive obsidian in the meantime.

drumpf-twilight-zone.jpg

And finallly, to the so-called mainstream fucking media of the United States of Amnesia. Especially the Chicken Noodle Network. Holy crap bubbles, you people think Drumpf is the national embarrassment? Well, he is, but he’s in a lot of company…and that company is YOU. While it’s easy enough to laugh at him for sucking up to Pooty-Poot (and I sure as hell am laughing), you have to admit that he’s right about one thing: That wily Russki is a smart man. Smarter than Drumpf, for sure. And smarter than all of you combined with Drumpf, too. And he’s eating your lunch and snurking while you’re busy pointing fingers in all the wrong directions and leading the unexamined life. You’re still so sure you have a functioning democracy while the evidence is staring you all in the face that you don’t. You of the press aren’t watchdogs; you’ve been lapdogs ever since Operation Mockingbird began (and never ended). He didn’t need hackers to make the US look stupid, in short; all he had to do is sit back and let you all chase your tails and bark at phantoms. At long last, have you idiots no shame? Or the spine to defy your corporate and CIA masters and just fucking report, instead of spinning endless crapaganda? Because it’s your epic failures that have enabled Drumpf to flourish and get away with everything he has.

Good night, and get fucked straight into next year!

Share this story:
Posted in Wankers of the Week | Comments Off on Wankers of the Week: The Year That Couldn’t End Soon Enough

White guy defends other white guy against evil natives. Film at 11!

Meet Konrad Yakabuski. Konrad has an awful beef against all the pesky non-white people ganging up on white people who claim non-white ancestry and make big bank and get critical acclaim by writing books about non-white people, from the viewpoint of non-white people, while claiming non-white ancestry to somehow justify the problematic parts of their works. Konrad apparently thinks that the best way to rapprochement between whites and non-whites here in Canada is just to let the whites go on saying and doing and pretending to be whatever they like, while the non-whites go on swallowing it, uncomplaining, same as it ever was. And that anyone who challenges this narrative is just being “politically correct” and a crank and a lyncher of noble white savages.

But we’re getting a wee bit ahead of ourselves here. Let’s take Konrad’s, er, points on one at a time, shall we?

When I returned to Canada in 2013, after a few years in the United States, I felt a bit like a stranger in my native country. Maybe it was the flat accents of the CBC anchors, or the barren British homeliness of downtown Toronto in January, but I suddenly felt more than a little foreign.

Oh dear. Already off to an inauspicious start, aren’t we. Alienated from our home and native land, criticizing the “flat accents” that are actually in high demand in US media precisely because they’re clear, unadorned, and not specific to any given place or ethnicity. And criticizing Toronto, too, which has braved all manner of inconveniences gamely and stood in for New York, Chicago, and any number of other US cities on movie sets. What point exactly are we trying to make here? Other than that by being among the Yanks for just a little too long, one becomes a little too much like the worst of them, and starts seeing things as they are not? Because TO hasn’t been exclusively British for literally decades now. In fact, as its indigenous-derived name broadly hints, it never was.

As a journalist, belonging has never been my main aspiration in life. Real journalists typically take pride in shunning all labels, attachments, causes and collectivisms.

Note the irony here of “shunning labels”, etc. — all while calling oneself a “journalist”. Uh, Konrad — that’s a label.

The further ironies of “shunning…attachments, causes and collectivisms” will soon become apparent. Bear with me while I slog through a few more turgid paragraphs before we get to it, though.

Our identities are never fixed, but subject to constant redefinition.

Behold, a Grand and Sweeping Statement™! I suppose this is meant to be the nut of the nut graf. That’s journo-speak for getting to the fucking point. Now, what IS the point?

In 2013, the Canadian part of my identity needed some refreshment and refinement. I found both in Joseph Boyden’s novel The Orenda, a haunting story of blood and belonging set amid the 17th-century Iroquois Wars.

As a Catholic boy with insistent parents, I was taught about the Canadian Martyrs, was educated by Jesuits and made pilgrimages to Sainte-Marie among the Hurons in Ontario. No one ever reads the same novel in the same way and, for me, The Orenda prompted a reconnection with my own and my country’s history amid the aboriginal awakening that was just then transforming our collective identity.

That awakening, while a necessary condition for reconciliation between native and non-native Canadians, also contributed to the rise of a less productive form of identity politics among some aboriginal leaders. It was only a matter of time before the latter came back to bite Mr. Boyden.

I think some translation is in order here. Sounds to me like what Konrad is trying to say, in his stilted and roundabout manner, is that thanks to Idle No More and other movements like it, he was feeling a bit of Catholic guilt at what the white Catholic missionaries did to the “Indians” when they first set foot on indigenous land. And that he needed some reassurance and justification to prove that the missionaries were not so terribly wrong. That the “natives” were not noble, but merely savages. And that the “civilizing” influence of white man was badly needed to straighten these truly, madly, deeply dirty savages out and turn them into nice godly white people, culturally speaking.

And for that purpose, The Orenda (which I too have read, and found problematic) came at just the right time for him. Because this novel, ostensibly from the indigenous point of view by an ostensibly (part) indigenous Canadian man, doesn’t lose much time delving deep into the savagery of the ignoble savages, who were killing and torturing each other before the white man came along and convinced them to kill and torture each other a bit more, this time for white man’s God and white man’s capitalism. And for a guilty-feeling white Catholic man, who would like to hang onto his white conservatism and Catholicism as his only anchors in an unsettling world that doesn’t revolve around his color, gender and ideals, that sort of thing is like balm to a chapped soul. So of course, he’s going to defend the not-so-indigenous author of that not-so-indigenous novel against his critics, indigenous and not…

The Orenda was taken to task for depicting the Haudenosaunee, or Iroquois, as excessively violent. By the standards of historical fiction, Mr. Boyden arguably took fewer literary liberties than most authors of this genre. But by writing about the wars among First Nations, rather than their oppression by French or British colonizers, he chose a politically incorrect plot twist for the Idle No More crowd.

Whoop! There we go. I was wondering when the spectre of Political Correctness™ was going to pop up. A bit late, but no less unwelcome for all that. We couldn’t have a conservative think-piece without it, because that’s how they pre-emptively slap down their critics, who would only point out how full of horseshit conservative think-piece-writers are. (See what I mean by seeking a balm for a chapped white Catholic man’s soul?)

Of course, Konrad is forgetting something: The “Idle No More Crowd”, as he calls them, ARE indigenous, and Joseph Boyden is not. And they’ve been dealing with being portrayed as heartless, mindless, godless savages for about 400 years now. One can’t really blame them for being just a wee bit exasperated at yet another white guy throwing occasional wet squibs of “nobility” and magical realism on top of the old bonfire of savaging-the-“savages”. Hell, I’m white — 100% German, in fact — and I’m exasperated, too. Frankly, that fraudster Karl May did a better job with Winnetou and Old Shatterhand!

This did not stop Mr. Boyden from becoming, in the words of one critic, a “darling of non-native Canada.” The Orenda’s critical and popular success – it won the 2014 edition of CBC Radio’s Canada Reads competition – irritated, to no end, many of the practitioners of aboriginal identity politics in Canadian academe and the arts. To them, Mr. Boyden’s personal journey, which led him to rediscover and reclaim in adulthood his own aboriginal heritage, was as made-up as his fiction.

Oh, those evil indigenous peoples! How DARE they criticize, however politely, a white man’s novel which portrays them in an ugly light? And how dare they question the “indigenous” identity of a man who in fact has none, but has repeatedly and proudly gone on record claiming to be indigenous in order to justify that ugly light in his novel? Best be quick and smear those people as “practitioners of aboriginal identity politics in Canadian academe and the arts”, the better to obscure the hundreds of years of legitimate hurt, anger and outrage they’re feeling about having their history, their culture, and their very lives yanked out from under them yet again…along with, of course, this land which was once theirs (and still is, by rights).

Were they just envious of his glitterati success or did they have a legitimate beef?

Oh gee, Konrad, I dunno. You tell me. After all, you’re the Christian white man…and your word clearly counts for ever so much more than any of theirs.

Growing up in comfortably white, upper-middle-class Willowdale, Ont., Mr. Boyden had an at-best tenuous connection to the native Canadian experience and its shared traumas. That didn’t make him much different from Barack Obama, who, unlike the vast majority of African-Americans, is not a descendant of slaves and was raised by a white mother and grandparents in comfortable Hawaii. Despite the colour of his skin, Mr. Obama was not born, experientially speaking, an African-American. He became one.

Oh lord. Are we REALLY comparing this white guy who wrote a book about the natives to whom he doesn’t belong, to a black guy who became a president? REALLY? Well, then, let’s be thorough about it and say this: Barack Obama never pretended to be descended from slaves. That puts him well ahead of Joseph Boyden on that level.

And if you’re going to grandly throw about phrases such as “experientially speaking”, you should know that Barack Obama has, in fact, experienced the EXACT same racism as every other black American, only through an amplifier and a huge bank of loudspeakers. He’s been called a nigger, he’s been told to “go back to Africa where you came from”, etc. This by whites who have not the fuckingest idea of the irony of their position, but who take a great deal of pride in being Politically Incorrect™. Whites who are just a wee bit less polite about their racism than, say, Konrad Yakabuski.

Can Joseph Boyden honestly claim to have been the victim of anti-indigenous racism? No more so than he can claim to be part indigenous in the first place. And THAT is the whole point. He’s a white man, with no claim to victimhood, propping up the racists’ world-view with with his fiction. Don’t think they haven’t seized on it. After all, he IS their literary darling!

No one can deny that Mr. Boyden embraced the aboriginal experience with humility and sincerity. His only sin was showing too much enthusiasm for a native heritage he may or may not have exaggerated. But he was merely reconstructing, as many of us do, his own personal identity from fragments from the past that he may have previously neglected or under-appreciated. He never sought special privileges that the state or individual band councils confer on First Nations members.

No, of course not. He only leveraged his imaginary wisps of First Nations DNA against all the critics who rightly took issue with The Orenda and its portrayal of the indigenous as a bunch of warring savages in dire need of some Christian civilizing and edjumacatin’ in those residential schools that did so much damage that the fallout is still falling NOW. What could anyone possibly have against THAT? I mean, it’s only what white people have done for centuries here in Canada to justify themselves and silence their indigenous critics, after all…

Mr. Boyden, articulate and successful, put on too kind a face for the angry mob of identity politics.

Uff. Methinks you do protest too much, Konrad. The man knows the jig is up, and that what he did is not defensible. Why are YOU defending him? Oh…yeah, now I remember:

In the age of Idle No More and Black Lives Matter, grievance is the glue that keeps groups such as these together. What’s demanded is endless reparation, not reconciliation. Anyone who promotes the latter rather than the former is a traitor to the group and its cause.

Better dip that broad brush a little deeper in the tar barrel, Konrad, you might miss a spot. Now lash out, quickly!

In the United States, this kind of identity politics has reduced the Democratic Party to a confederation of aggrieved minorities that a reluctant Hillary Clinton was constrained to pander to – not convincingly enough for the thousands of African-Americans who stayed home on Nov. 8, but enough to lead petrified working-class whites to form a bloc behind Donald Trump.

And here we go again with the bad invocations of US politics, and blaming the blacks and Latin-Americans for failing to elect Hillary, even though they turned out in record numbers to help her win the popular vote! Guess Konrad isn’t aware of the huge effort to disenfranchise those same “aggrieved minorities” on the part of the current president-elect and his men, either. That would severely undermine his thesis that “identity politics went too far”, or whatever the currently fashionable rot in Politically Incorrect™ circles might be. It certainly undermines his claim to be a journalist, since, if he were a real one worth his salt, like Greg Palast or Amy Goodman, he’d have made a note of that and not sat down to write this smug, idiotic stinkpiece, which runs counter to journalism’s oft-stated (and seldom practiced) tradition of comforting the afflicted and afflicting the comfortable. This is all about kicking those who are already down, and Joseph Boyden is not one of those. He’s been high on the totem pole, if you’ll pardon the indigenous metaphor, from the beginning.

And if you’re going to talk about bad identity politics, Konrad, you’d be well advised to start with your own, because white men are the reason that Donald Fucking Drumpf got “elected”. (Note the quotes, there for a reason.) You want to talk “confederation of aggrieved minorities”? These white guys think they’re already a minority (they’re not), and that’s why they’re “aggrieved” (again, note the quotes) and felt they had, out of “political incorrectness”, natch, to elect another smug, dumb, racist white mook like themselves. Only this one’s a rich one who got that way by ripping others off, and seeing it all as his fair due for being so fucking smart.

Is this narrative sounding familiar yet? It should. This is what the Black Lives Matter and Idle No More movements are fighting against: Stupid white men perpetuating the myth of their own “natural” superiority, the better to go on ripping off black and indigenous people, never to mention Latin-Americans. And women of all colors.

And because that rip-off is ongoing, so too must the struggle against it be. This is not a mere claim for “constant reparations” in the form of appeasement and white-man’s-guilt. This is about settling accounts that are centuries-old. It is about one set of people telling their hard truth, and another set accepting it, and both groups using it as their common basis for future relations. Appeasement and guilt will not do here. Honesty is what’s demanded, justice is what’s demanded, and nothing is happening.

So what is happening? The defence of a white man who has engaged, in micro, in the same old white man’s shit that’s been happening, in macro, for centuries. And this is how Yakabuski grandly closes it all out:

It would be a tragedy if the reconciliation all Canadians seek with First Nations were allowed to be hijacked by the kind of identity politics, and its reactionary counterpart, that have overtaken other Western democracies. Mr. Boyden’s lynching should set off alarm bells in this regard.

Nice dodge there, Konrad, but how about NO? “Reconciliation”, if that’s what you call glossing over all the racist hate and pretending that the ground has always been level, has been tried. It hasn’t worked. It’s also been tried in the form of white men taking on bogus indigenous identities — remember Grey Owl? Only that hasn’t worked, either.

And anyhow, a work of fiction that slyly justifies the evils of history, however eloquently and with whatever sincerity and appearance of nuance, isn’t going to achieve reconciliation between non-fictional parties. At best, it might spur a dialogue leading to other necessary processes, but the dialogue itself has to be honest. It has to be carried on by honest people, not sneak-thieves and liars. And what you wrote here, like what Boyden has written and claimed, is disingenuous, to say the least. In short: YOU’RE NOT HELPING.

Nobody’s saying that Joseph Boyden can’t write whatever what he wants, about whomever he wants, with whatever intention he has. All that’s being asked, in all modesty, is that he not do it under a claim to being someone he isn’t. Farley Mowat, for instance, wrote a great deal about indigenous people, often from their points of view even, but he never claimed to be one of them. Nor did he prop up white man’s need to be smug and comforted; he took satirical jabs at it whenever, wherever and however he could. And he managed to change a lot more minds with his books than The Orenda ever will.

There’s a lesson in there, for those who have the wit to read.

Share this story:
Posted in Artsy-Fartsy Culture Stuff, Bullies, Canadian Counterpunch, Confessions of a Bad German, Crapagandarati, Deepest Darkest Africa, Der Drumpf, Do As I Say..., Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Human Rights FAIL, If You REALLY Care, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Racist?, Men Who Just Don't Get It, Newspeak is Nospeak, Not So Compassionate Conservatism, Obamarama!, Pissing Jesus Off, Teh Injunz, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on White guy defends other white guy against evil natives. Film at 11!

“Deploraball” turns into DeploraBRAWL

Is there anything funnier than a bunch of ugly “alt-right” hatemongers turning on each other? Cenk doesn’t seem to think so. And I don’t think so, either. You can read all about the DeploraBRAWL at the Little Hitler Pageant here.

Assuming this “ball” ever gets off the ground, though, these guys are going to have trouble finding dates to schlep along. Seems women really don’t like guys who view them as chattel, much less as breeding stock. Being a pasty whiner with an inferiority complex and dorky pseudo-scientific ideas about race and gender isn’t attractive. Go figure!

PS: And in other fun deplorabawlings, they’re now threatening to “revolt” if Daddy Drumpf doesn’t give their swastika-tattooed asses a seat at the table. As though their unwashed faces weren’t revolting enough already. Hey, Nazi-boys: FUCK YOUR FEELINGS.

Share this story:
Posted in Der Drumpf, Fascism Without Swastikas, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Racist?, Schadenfreude, The Hardcore Stupid, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on “Deploraball” turns into DeploraBRAWL

More Music for a Sunday: Gone to the Meadowlands

The Red Army Chorus performing “Polyushko Polye” at Tchaikovsky Hall, Moscow, in 1992. This choir has been active in Russia since Soviet days, and its current ensemble was on their way to Syria yesterday when their TU-154 crashed. The plane vanished from radar not long after takeoff from Sochi. The ensemble was on its way to entertain Russian troops for the holidays.

Share this story:
Posted in Music for a Sunday, Teh Russkies | Comments Off on More Music for a Sunday: Gone to the Meadowlands

Music for a Sunday: Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas…

…but I think I’ll miss this one this year:

(Thanks to Dave W. for reminding me of this one!)

Share this story:
Posted in Music for a Sunday | Comments Off on Music for a Sunday: Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas…

Wankers of the Week: Crappy Unpresidented Holidays!

drumpf-lick.png

Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy holiday season to all and sundry, with a special note of Fuck Your Feelings to all the Deplorables who wore THOSE shirts, and who will soon be feeling the fuckery. Oh yes, very soon, and with everyone wishing them happy holidays and not caring a fuck for their Merry Christmas, because it’s not the only holiday going on during this time of year. (There’s also Yule, Hanukkah, and New Year’s Eve and Day, to name just four.) So, Gods bless us, every one…except for the Deplorables. And these execrable motherfuckers, in no particular order:

1. Richard Fucking Spencer. You want an all-white colony on the Moon, Nazi-boy? That could be arranged. But the oxygen will cost you extra. A LOT extra. Also, your German pronunciation sucks. Stop trying to appropriate my language, you poorly-dressed creep with a weak chin and an ugly haircut.

2. Philip Fucking Davies. No, of course he doesn’t want there to be violence against women and girls, oh heavens no. And yet there he is, filibustering to try to stop debate on (and passage of) a law that would do something about that very problem. His political career, at this rate, is bound to be very nasty, brutish and short, just like Der Drumpf’s fingers.

3. Ezra Fucking Levant. Why?

ezra-warning-label.jpg

That’s why. In his haste to burnish his Muslim-bashing credentials, the Putz decided to lift a page from #1’s book and go straight for the Nazi terminology to vilify all the media that aren’t in (goose-) step with his own views. But hey! At least he wrote what could just as easily be his own warning label. Because there really isn’t a single thing he and his so-called “Rebel Media” aren’t capable of lying about.

4. Tom Fucking DeLay. Watch out, folks, the Bugman’s been huffing Parathion again! Either that, or he has a really, REALLY strange idea of “clean”, because Der Drumpf’s administration promises to be dirtier than a mile-high manure pile, with conflicts of interest out the fucking wazoo.

5. Andrew Fucking Anglin. Just like #2, this whitewashed (heh) fucking sepulchre is claiming he doesn’t want any murder or mayhem. This even as he’s calling for a massive trollstorm against Jews. Does the man even read his own shit?

6. Tony Fucking Perkins. Ahem. ‘Scuse me while I shut my gaydar off, he trips it every time…there. Oh, how I wish he would just come out of the closet already. Nobody will want him, but at least he’d no longer be babbling about how all the LGBT+ folks should be persecuted more.

slinky-people.jpg

7. Bill Fucking Huizenga. Maybe a guy who let his own small son suffer all night with a broken arm before finally taking the kid to a doctor…ISN’T the best person to be making decsions, or even idle comments, on health insurance. Especially since he also can’t tell the difference between an X-ray, a CAT scan, and an MRI — all three of which I have had, and not paid a cent for thanks to our superior Canadian system, and which I can attest are very different from each other. Also, I paid nothing for my tubal ligation OR my lumpectomy. I guess that just makes me overly reliant on our health system, eh?

8. Alex Fucking Jones. And the Flaming Pants Award goes to…THIS GUY! Who, as usual, offers up not a shred of proof for any of his cockamamie assertions. But he HAS been known to quietly (well, as quietly as he can) take down ones that have managed to cast him in a really, REALLY bad light. Like the light generated by his own pants going up in smoke. Ha, ha.

9. Katie Fucking Hopkins. And speaking of taking down things that cast one in a bad light, how about HER? She “apologized”, over the tweeter, to a Muslim family she vilified in her column…IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT. Cowardly, cowardly custard…can’t cut the mustard.

twitter-knobhead.jpg

10. Nigel Fucking Farage. How pathetic are you when the husband of a murdered MP has to smack you down and remind you of just how slippery a slope you’re standing on? And how much more pathetic are you when the combination of slippery slope and smackdown becomes too much for you, and you just plunge headlong down that hill, with everybody else laughing and pointing? PS: This is not going to help rebuild your fucked credibility, either.

11. Sarah Fucking Palin. Drunk again, tweeting again, bouncing off the walls again. And a fist comes down like a hammer on a drum, hammer on a drum. See, I can quote and paraphrase song lyrics too, but I can do it better.

12. Newt Fucking Gingrich. “Technically, under the constitution”, Der Drumpf has the authority to commit nepotism and insider trading, and pardon all the relatives who did it for him? Nuh-unh, Newty. That would make him a criminal, subject to impeachment and trial, and his “pardons” null and void. What diploma mill graduated you, again?

spray-tan-gloves.jpg

13. Ted Fucking Cruz. Obstruction? It’s only wrong when the other side does it! Yes, really. Siddown, Ted, and shush.

14. Mike Fucking Huckabee. Put on the conical hat, Fuckabee, and join #12 in the corner with your idiotic and asinine calls for dictatorship. Especially that galling dumbth about fetuses being “deprived of life or liberty without due process”. Uh, how about the lives and liberties of WOMEN? You know, HALF THE HUMAN RACE? Don’t THEY count for anything???

15. Bill O’Fucking Reilly. Welp. Now we KNOW Billo is not only drinking, but humping a falafel in the shower again. And no doubt shouting racist epithets while he’s at it, too.

rushmore-facepalm.jpg

16. Brandon Fucking Coe. Sexually assaulting a 7-year-old is a heinous crime, but claiming she wanted it, when the average 7-year old doesn’t even know what sex is, and isn’t legally able to give consent, regardless? Yup, that’s a wank. And it’s one that didn’t fool the cops, and won’t fool a judge or jury, either. PS: His dad, Ronny, is also a wanker…for claiming it would be a “waste of time” to report a child rape to police. And just think, he’s an auxiliary officer! Hope he doesn’t stay one, because he’s clearly fucking incompetent.

17. Ann Fucking Coulter. When you’re a Coultergeist, you don’t need to wear a sheet to scare people. You just attend the Vdare holiday “gala” for white supremacy with your mean, scowly face hanging out there for all the world to see.

18. James Fucking Wiedmann. Looks like “Heartiste” still ain’t gettin’ any. And he’s pissed as hell that people of other colors than his own (white, natch) are apparently not only doing so, but making more of themselves. So much so that he’s now referring to Barack Obama as “the Gay Mulatto” (with no evidence as to his sexuality, and archaic terms for his racial composition) and fuming about his imaginary “treason”. Bawwww, diddums!

heres-to-drumpf.jpg

19. Ken Fucking Ham. Speaking of “bawwwww, diddums”: Looks like he haz a sad because Teh Gheyz are better at using the symbolism of the rainbow than his imaginary friend is. And now he’s lighting up his fake ark in the gay colors, just to show THEM! But shhhh, don’t anyone tell him that it didn’t start out as a Christian symbol. And especially don’t tell him about Iris, the Greek Goddess of the Rainbow!

20. Rick Fucking Bell. Trust the Calgary Sun and its hacks to stoop to just about anything to smear Premier Notley, even a bogus charge of hypocrisy. And to do it all fact-free, as usual!

21. Kellyanne Fucking Conway. I don’t doubt that Repug men in politics have mistresses and play golf a lot, but Jesus H. Christ, those are NOT the reasons they don’t spend much time with their kids. The real reason, as usual, is good old-fashioned SEXISM…which is what has them expecting their wives to do all the domestic shit while they’re out playing golf and schtupping their secretaries. Including her own boss, who she claims isn’t doing that…as though it would convince anyone who watched what he did to Wives #1 and 2 (and 3, too).

kellyanne-conway-face.jpg

22. Gersh Fucking Kuntzman. Think “journalists” can’t cause diplomatic incidents? They sure as hell can. And this one did. How? By pissing on the coffin of Andrey Karlov, the late Russian ambassador to Turkey, in the form of a completely bullshit op-ed about him. The Russian Foreign Ministry is now seeking a formal apology from the New York Daily News, which for some odd reason didn’t think it was completely irresponsible to run that article without so much as a fact check. What’s all this about fake news again, Mainstream Media?

23. Dan Fucking Patrick. Barring trans women from using women’s washrooms, but not doing the same with trans men using the men’s john? I smell the stench of sexism.

24. Scott Fucking Adams. And speaking of stinky sexism, the dilbert behind Dilbert has had yet another brain-fart. This time to the effect that Goebbels and Karl Fucking Rove were both right about that whole Big Lie thing. Keep repeating it, keep making it bigger, and it magically converts into truthiness! Only, of course, it doesn’t. And it doesn’t even really fool anyone who’s not a god-awful fool to begin with, either.

blessed-poor-wrong.jpg

25. James Fucking Delingpole. When are we allowed to say that the grieving widower of a politically-assassinated woman is an arse, he wonders. The answer is NEVER. But it’s always permissible to say that James Fucking Delingpole is one, because that’s just a simple statement of fact.

26. Bryan Fucking Fischer. Oh, so single-stall washrooms are “special rights”, now? Well, if trans people were granted the same rights as cis people, and were regarded as normal like cis people, no one would need anything special, would they now?

27. David Fucking Horowitz. He’s not racist — BLACK PEOPLE are! And he’s only been singing this refrain for what…the last 25 years, or so? At long last, Dave, give it up. Everyone knows it’s bullshit, and it doesn’t even ring on key.

war-on-xmas.jpg

28. Carl Fucking Paladino. Good feckin’ lard, what have we here? Racism, transphobia, and a persistent ignorance of the backgrounds and genders of the First Couple of the US? Yup. How about we drop HIM in Africa to die of mad-cow disease, instead? Seems he’s already halfway there. Oh, and he works for Drumpf…which I guess explains everything.

29. Harold Fucking Bornstein. Good gawd, he’s alive! And he’s a quack! And now we can see why he rubber-stamped Der Drumpf’s health check.

30. Donald Fucking Drumpf, Jr. So, whose idea was it to sell access to Dear Ol’ Dad — for “charity”? Uh, that would be Butt-Head. Meanwhile, brother Beavis Drumpf is looking for temporary foreign workers to staff the family plonk brewery — grossly underpaid, of course.

beavis-butthead-drumpf.jpg

And finally, to Donald J. Fucking Drumpf himself. Just when you think he couldn’t get any worse, he does: Trying (unsuccessfully) to force the Radio City Rockettes to dance at his inauguration (and no doubt stick around for a pussy-groping behind the scenes), hiring an ‘80s cover band called The Reagan Years (yes, really!) and scariest of all, resurrecting the worst chapter of the real Reagan years by talking of ramping up a nuclear arms race against…well, let’s just say that now, nobody can really call him Pooty-Poot’s puppet with a straight face anymore. We’re all too busy watching Dr. Strangelove and The Day After on endless loop…and practicing our ducking and covering, and trying desperately to budget for fallout shelters in our backyards. Yes, this has truly been an unpresidented week…and sadly, it doesn’t look any better for the coming year.

Good night, and fergawdsakes, don’t let us get fucked!

Share this story:
Posted in Wankers of the Week | Comments Off on Wankers of the Week: Crappy Unpresidented Holidays!