News of the Restless

Wankers of the Week: Robbo’s Rehab

Posted on May 10, 2014 by Sabina Becker

Crappy weekend, everyone! Well, look like Robbo’s off to rehab (maybe), and a shaky start to it, too. He was finally — FINALLY! — turned away by US border agents en route to Chicago. Looks like he’s gonna have to do his stint closer to home, since the US finally twigged to the fact that he’s a dangerous drug offender (trafficker, as well as user), not just fodder for late-night TV comedians. So, since we won’t have him to kick around this week (unless he sets his rehab facility on fire, say), let’s turn our attention to the following, who are also fodder for comedy…or something:

1. Robert Fucking Reilly. Gays are worse than murderers? Um, HOW? By not recognizing that there’s something wrong with being gay? But, of course, there is nothing wrong with being gay. I know lots of gay guys, none of whom have so much as a jaywalking ticket. Dude, you better pray that your closet door never suddenly bursts open, exposing a whole row of pink-tutu-clad skeletons doing the can-can.

2. Chris Fucking Sevier. No, you can’t marry your computer, even if it is filled with shit that you whack off to every day (ewwww). For one thing, a computer is not a person. Therefore, it cannot give consent. You can certainly program it to say “I do”, but that doesn’t mean a goddamn thing. And whacking off is not consummation. So lay off same-sex marriage; it is NOT the same thing. PS: Ha, ha. Denied!

3. Mauricio Fucking Macri. No, all women do NOT like to be catcalled…or, as you call it, “complimented” by random strangers on the street. And it doesn’t matter what you believe; what matters is that you don’t do it if there is a chance that someone else will be offended. And if the idea of exercising some restraint offends your delicate caveman sensibilities, TOO FUCKING BAD. PS: It’s especially funny that one of the women upbraiding this wanker for that…is his own daughter. Ha, ha!

4. Tucker Fucking Carlson. Speaking of cavemen and their delicate sensibilities, what is up with Fucker and his fellow FUX Snooze Cro-Mags? Look, you guys, if you want to go spear-chucking on the weekends, nobody’s stopping you. And if you just want to grunt around the man-cave in leopard-print loincloths, ain’t none of my business, as long as you do it behind closed doors and don’t frighten the horses. And if you’re worried that a woman buying you dinner will demand sex of you, relax…nobody wants to dine OR sleep with any of you superannuated fratboys anyway. Equality is not a case of “gone too far” in this world, for the simple reason that it hasn’t gone far enough. And if that’s too far for you…again, TOO FUCKING BAD!

5. Steve Fucking Wiles. Know how I keep saying that all homophobes have pink-tutu-clad skeletons dancing in their closets? Well, here’s a literal case of that very thing happening. He used to perform a drag-queen act, and now he’s campaigning for office on a platform against same-sex marriage. What turned his head? Oh, probably all that money…and all the booze, coke, and other trappings of right-wing hypocrisy it can buy. Not surprisingly, he switched his party affiliation along with his performing wardrobe, too.

6. Tal Fucking Fortgang. Dude, if you seriously think you have no privilege just because your family lived through the Holocaust, perhaps you should stop fronting for right-wing moneybaggers. Or are you sucking up, perhaps, in the hope of scoring a permanent pipeline to privilege? Careful, because those same moneyed interests who are loving all over you right how won’t hesitate to throw you under the swastika-covered bus when it comes down to the crunch. PS: Here ya go, Tally…your privilege just got checked for you. You’re welcome!

7. Peter Fucking MacKay. Oh looky. Widdle Petey has decided to start a food fight with the Supreme Court, on behalf of Stevie Peevie, his boss. Jesus H. Christ, what is this, high school? Because it seems that our so-called government has devolved to the level of a bunch of spiteful jocks trying to give atomic wedgies to all the brainy kids in the cafeteria, or something like that. Put away the peashooter, Petey. And take off that silly beanie. And sit the hell down and shut the fuck up. And when you’re in a hole, STOP FUCKING DIGGING.

8. Stephen Fucking Harper. And speaking of Stevie Peevie, you know you’re a shitty prime minister when no fewer than six former heads of the Canadian Bar Association have to upbraid you on your judge-picking…and your picking on the Supreme Court. Yeah, that’s right, Stevie…the lawyers of Canada don’t like to see you pissing on the rules of the judiciary. Or the legal process. How afuckingbout that!

9. Steve Fucking Hickey. Dude. Please. DON’T talk about your scat fetish in front of other people. They might get grossed out. And they might also laugh and point and say that you’re another of those dudes with the flamboyant skeleton doing the Watusi in his closet.

10. James Fucking Weldon Fucking Alton. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how tacky, gross and sleazy he is for dressing up as Captain America…and then sending dick pics to an under-age girl. Oh yeah, and he’s a Florida Man, too. That’s gotta be good for at least another Fucking right there, right?

11. Todd Fucking Starnes. People opposing state-mandated prayer are “basically Hitler”? Um, Hitler was devoutly Catholic, and frequently wrapped his fascist ideology in Christian trappings. Your argument is shite.

12. Robert Fucking Kelley. Pro tip: If you upload a video titled “Me Driving Like an Idiot”, of course the cops are going to take an interest. AND charge you with…wait for it…DRIVING LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT, duh.

13. Don Fucking Meredith. Not only is he not a real doctor, he’s not even a real doctor honoris causa. The organization that awarded him the (fake) honor is not accredited, nor authorized to do any such thing. And what the hell is a “Christian clinical counsellor”, anyway? Is there any depth of fraud to which SupposiTories will NOT stoop? If there is, I have yet to see it.

14. David Fucking Barton. He wants to ban women from voting? I have a better idea: Let’s all ban religious fanatics from voting, and unplug their microphones everytime they try to say something stupid in public. Because these asshats are all out of good ideas anyway, and letting them run their mouths only encourages them.

15. Kim Fucking Kardashian. Y’know, most people realize that racism (a) exists and (b) sucks, WITHOUT having had a kid first. But then again, most people aren’t privileged twits who are famous for nothing, either.

16. Toshihiko Fucking Nishi. Oh lord, where to start with THIS hot steaming pee-scented mess? Ladies, if a cabbie offers you food on a long taxi ride, DON’T TOUCH A BITE. That is all.

17. Doug Fucking Ford. While Robbo is out there in some undisclosed location, lying about how “great” rehab is (a sure sign that he’s NOT actually in rehab, as anyone who’s actually been could tell you), Dougie’s lying for him…as usual. It’s truly touching how Tweedledum and Tweedledee stick together, at least until you remember that omertà is a real thing.

18. Pamela Fucking Geller. So, she’s got her overpriced panties in a bunch because Subway has some stores serving halal meat? Well, isn’t that awfully kosher of her. Pammy, put a sammitch in it. And sit the fuck down.

19. Donald Fucking Sterling. It takes a special kind of dick to be a racist AND sleep with a black Mexican woman, but to blame your racism against blacks and Mexicans on your dick? Um, yeah. That’s a wank.

20. Angel Fucking Nuñez. The US is full of witchcraft? Dude, you say that like it’s a bad thing! Take it from me; I’m a Witch, and I think it’s fucking awesome. So nyaaah.

21. Keith Fucking Ablow. So, your son is distracted by girls in leggings? Boo fucking hoo. Dude, I got news for you: Your son is distracted by girls, PERIOD. Teach him to pay attention to his lessons instead; the fault lies not with the schools, but YOU.

22 and 23. The Fucking Benham Twins. Whose glorious idea was it to give these professional bigots a show on HGTV…a channel watched very heavily by gays, women and other people whose “agenda” they hate? Well, whosever idea it was, it didn’t last long. The show is already cancelled. Ha, ha.

24. Steve Fucking Beshear. Newsflash, Gubnor: Not all straight couples can reproduce, and not all who can, even want to. And then there are all those people reproducing outside of marriage. You’re gonna have to find a better reason to ban same-sex marriage. Oops! There isn’t one. And no, the economy won’t do it either; same-sex marriages actually give economies a boost. Also, gay couples do reproduce, too…when they’re not too busy adopting the foster kids all those oh-so-Christian straight couples don’t want because they’re not perfect newborn white babies.

25. Steve Fucking Green. Oh look, he’s out there trying to get PUBLIC schools to put religion on the curriculum. Dude, get a fucking hobby and quit yer fucking lobbying already!

26. Ted Fucking Cruz. Gay people shouldn’t be required to do business with hypocritical homophobic “Christians”. Fixed it for ya!

27. Eric Fucking Schmidt. If you don’t want to be called on your hypocrisies, then the thing to do is STOP BEING SUCH A GODDAMN FUCKING HYPOCRITE. See how that works?

28. Jon Fucking Fortt. Pro tip: Never whitesplain hip-hop anything to a black dude. Ever.

29. William Fucking Price. Pro tip: Never babble bullshit about the “divorce-industrial complex” when you are, in fact, on your third marriage yourself…and you are NOT a two-time widower. Also, shut the fuck up about “fathers’ rights” when it’s Mothers’ Day. If you don’t want women hating your fucking guts, try not being so goddamn detestable toward them. See how simple that is?

30. Cam Fucking Edwards. Using the abduction of the Nigerian girls from Chibok has got to be the most cynical piece of NRA bullshit to date. Newsflash: Nigerians neither want nor need US interference in the region. Especially not with all that oil in the Niger Delta. Oops! Did I let a secret slip there?

And finally, to the fucking Koch Bros. When even Kansas Repugs are pissed off at you, it’s time to pack in your Randroid self-pity party, stop trying to buy the politicians, and fuck the hell off, already.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Posted in Wankers of the Week | 1 Comment

The ironies of the Venezuelan opposition, part 50

Posted on May 9, 2014 by Sabina Becker

Howdy, folks, and welcome to our 50th installment of VenOpIronía! And since this one’s extra-special, it doesn’t even take place in Venezuela, but right here in Canada. And even this far from Caracas, the Venezuelan oppos can’t help but show their true, “peaceful” (note the quotes), “democratic”, “free speech” face:

That’s Julian Ichim, from Kitchener-Waterloo, telling the hard truth about our widdle fascist friend, MariCori, up there at the lectern, in Toronto, yesterday. And as you can see, he gets handled very peacefully (by being roughed up), and his free speech is heard (by him being silenced).

This little shindig was put on by a group calling itself the Canadian Council for the Americas. Obviously some kind of imperialist “pro-business” front group. Certainly they don’t represent the people of Canada, since this is the first I’ve heard of the fuckers. Apparently, all they ever do is host rubber-chicken luncheons at overpriced venues where right-wing twits from other parts of the continent come to peddle their obsolete regional politics and capitalist economics. Wowzers!

Also, their website is a bug-ridden, unprofessional piece of crap. And their sad little Facebook page only has 84 “likes”. Which is kind of pathetic (and ironic in itself), considering how their self-appointed task is to improve business relations between Canada and those peons sitting on “our” natural resources down south, or something like that.

Even outside of Venezuela, those oppo-fascist ironies just keep on coming, eh?

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Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Economics for Dummies, Fascism Without Swastikas, Huguito Chavecito, Isn't It Ironic? | Comments Off

Maricori’s pathetic clown show on the Hill

Posted on May 9, 2014 by Sabina Becker

“With Canadian parliamentarians it’s clear that in Venezuela it’s not about right or left, but Democracy [sic] or dictatorship.” Yeah, sure, Maricori, keep telling yourself that. You would know about dictators, seeing as you supported Pedro Carmona in 2002, and even signed his decree abolishing all democratic institutions in Venezuela.

Oh, Maricori. You poor widdle thing. You must really be desperate, seeing how your little “movement” is falling apart back home. So now you’ve come all the way up here just to see us, eh? And whether Canada wants to or not, it has to put up with your silly whining and pathetic attempts to drum up support for fascism and US interference where, as usual, none is wanted…

María Corina Machado continues her tour of the the world putting on her show, and this time she was in Ottawa, Canada, where she was received by senators of the governing [Conservative] party.

Following the same script as ever, following protocol down to the last millimetre, the ex-deputy met with parliamentarians, members of the Commission for External Affairs, and with MPs of the Conservative Party, as well as the minister for external affairs, John Baird.

Forgetting that Venezuela has been an independent country for more than 200 years, MP Randy Hoback stated: “We recognize the deputy democratically elected by her people, we demand that she be restored to her charge as deputy, and demand that Venezuela cease its repression and free those arbitrarily detained.”

Translation mine. Sorry, I couldn’t find a transcript of Randy Hoback’s silly remarks in English, so I’m going by the Spanish version instead.

So, you may be asking, who the fuck is this Randy Hoback? Well, basically…he’s nobody. A Conservative backbencher from Alberta, a party hack, one with no real sway over anything. He’s just running his mouth here so the homefolks will get the mistaken impression that he’s doing something important. Remember, the SupposiTories are as top-down a party as ever existed anywhere, and Harpo is running the show. The real big kahuna in all this Venezuelan clown show is John Baird, our lovely foreign-affairs minister, and he’s not quoted there. Which I guess tells you how important Maricori really is up here.

In any event, we’re not the country who’ll “rescue” Venezuela from the throes of evil Bolivarian democracy. The same which, Hack Hoback notwithstanding, democratically elected an overwhelming PSUV majority — a real one, not like this sham Conservative majority Hoback & Co. have going — and just as democratically and lawfully expelled Maricori from office for fascist putschism. That would be the United States of Amnesia, and right now, they’re too busy installing fascist puppets in Ukraine and propping up corrupt puppets in Nigeria to do anything for their puppets in South America.

And speaking of US puppets in the Americas, guess what? Panama’s also fed up with Maricori’s silly antics, if this is any indication:

Cabello said that “it appears” that doors are opening toward re-establishing relations with Panama.

“The only thing we ask for is respect,” Cabello said.

“Martinelli, you won’t leave the presidency without showing the list of those Venezuelans which you say have money in Panama, bring it out before you go,” said Cabello.

“Ms. María Machado, I think, will be out of work, but it doesn’t matter because she has someone financing her, and it’s true they’ve invited her to an activity in Canada, it’s true she says that they will treat her as a deputy. The organizers of the activity say no, but she insists. Oh well, even if people end up going crazy, you’re going to stay out of work, María Machado,” Cabello concluded.

Translation mine.

Oh yeah, that’s right…Panama just had elections, and the famously crooked Ricardo Martinelli is now on his way out of a job, too. Whoops, there goes one more prop for Maricori…

Bwahahahaha.

So, as usual, Maricori’s running all over the place, showing her obscure little face, putting on her usual sob-sister act…and getting bugger-all to show for it.

I’d feel sorry for her, but I’m too busy laughing my ass off.

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Posted in A Man, A Plan, A Canal, Canadian Counterpunch, Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Huguito Chavecito, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off

The company J. J. Rendón keeps

Posted on May 5, 2014 by Sabina Becker

rendon-fake-samurai

Remember our ol’ buddy Jota-Jota, the samurai of silliness? Remember all the dirty-tricks campaigns he’s launched against Chavecito and Madurito? Well, get a load of the kind of company he runs with…and all for top dollar, of course:

J. J. Rendón, preferred advisor to known right-wing politicians from Venezuela, Colombia and Central America — among them, Henrique Capriles — has received $12 million US over the last three years from three major Colombian narcotraffickers, presumably to get them an agreement from the Santos government for surrender in exchange for no extradition [to the US].

So said drug lord Javier Antonio Calle Serna, one of the two “Comba” brothers, in the US, on January 10 of this year, in a confession to a Colombian prosecutor. During the meeting, the criminal affirmed that between 2010 and 2011, he and other narcotrafficking capos, such as Diego Rastrojo, “Cuchillo” and “Loco” Barrera, wanted to propose to the government that they would disarm their mafias and cease drug trafficking in the country.

These revelations have just been published by the Colombian daily, El Espectador, which tells how the three capos confided in Rendón to obtain from the government an acceptance of their plan to submit to justice, and to convey that plan to the president.

According to El Espectador, the proposal was sent by way of a document with the signatures of the mafiosi and a video, but “in the end it didn’t work out”, because, according to Serna, they demanded an accompaniment from the US government that never arrived.

“The Colombian government strung out the project and started capturing my people; when I saw that time was passing and nothing was happening, I decided in favor of the American government and turned myself in,” Serna said.

Consulted by the newspaper, Rendón denied having received any money, and stated that “due to his closeness with the president”, Santos, in 2011, some lawyers representing the capos asked him to serve as a bridge to the authorities.

Rendón, a fugitive from Venezuelan justice who is famous for the cynicism of his methods, assured that he “simply acted as a channel to bring that correspondence” to the Prosecutor’s Office.

“There was a meeting. I met with the president, I handed him that, and left. The president said that the Prosecutor’s office would take charge of that,” said the organizer of electoral campaigns characterized by their dirtiness. “This denunciation looks like another plot against me,” suggested Rendón, now living in Miami despite the denunciations of the Venezuelan government and an Interpol warrant against him.

During an interview, Rendón’s attorney, Abelardo de las Espriella, admitted enigmatically that although the president and the then attorney-general, Viviane Morales, “knew about J. J.’s approaches, that they had as their sole proposition the surrender of a significant group of narcotraffickers and to generate a political event favorable to the government.”

Upon investigating the case, El Espectador came across an extensive document, of 109 pages, titled “Agenda for solving the problem of narcotrafficking and the violence it generates”, dated June 2011, in which it is established that J. J. Rendón was officiating as “general strategist” of said proposal.

El Espectador states that various sources confirmed that this project was known not only by the high government, the former attorney-general Morales, the chief of police, the intermediaries of the process, and President Santos, but also by functionaries of the embassy of the United States.

The author of the article writes: “Even though J. J. Rendón told this paper that there is nothing secret about these approaches, what is certain is that only now does the country know of the proposal in detail, which in the year 2011 was formalized by the top drug lords.”

Sources confirmed to El Espectador that J. J. Rendón participated actively in the management of the plan, even though “he maintains that he acted as a simple messenger and hardly knew of the minutiae of the process.”

“Now [Rendón] must respond to the accusation that he received $12 million US for advancing this proposal, an accusation which he reduces to a new plot against him,” concludes the journalist, Juan David Laverde Palma.

Over the last 27 years, Rendón has advised the presidential campaigns of Enrique Peña Nieto, Juan Manuel Santos, Álvaro Uribe Vélez, and Porfirio Lobo, among others. Discredit, disparagement, and the grossest of lies are his principal strategies.

The unscrupulous Rendón declared, in an interview with Colombian journalist María Jimena Duzán, that he is an anti-ethical advisor because “that ethical thing is for philosophers”.

In Miami, Rendón stays in touch with the criminal network of terrorist Luis Posada Carriles, advisor to each conspiracy to bring down, by all means, the Venezuelan government. This was confirmed by the recent publication in Caracas of an exchange of letters between Rendón and Ricardo Koesling, a Cuban-Venezuelan who, for decades, has been moving in Posada’s circles.

Even though he is under an Interpol capture order, by request of the Venezuelan government, Rendón remains in the US with the total complacency and protection of the immigration authorities and the FBI.

Though he rebuffs the accusations over the million-dollar proposal he made to the Colombian government, Rendón does not deny his relations with some of the most dangerous drug lords in the world, who saw in him a man they could trust.

He calls himself a “samurai”, but the dubious relations he maintains, the secrecy which he always cherishes, the immorality of the defamation campaigns he peddles, all surely place his claims in doubt.

Translation mine.

Somehow, I can’t imagine someone like Jota-Jota doing anything for anyone just out of the goodness of his heart…mainly because, as his own “anti-ethical” statements show, he hasn’t got a heart, let alone any goodness in it. So of course I find it hard to believe that a bunch of Colombian drug lords would ask him to ferry a few documents to Juan Manuel Santos’s office, in exchange for nothing. Samurai kitsch doesn’t come cheap, and neither does Miami real estate. $12 million US, spread out over three years and at least as many drug barons, sounds about right.

The funny part is that this grand (and costly) scheme, like everything else Jota-Jota has done, has basically blown up all over him like a beached dead whale. As the informant who turned himself over to the US government has testified, Santos did nothing about the proposal, other than maybe use it to line the seat of his chair. One drug runner after another was getting caught, and nothing was guaranteed…least of all protection from extradition to the US. Meaning that even as a simple messenger boy, if we are to take Jota-Jota at his untrustworthy word, the Samurai of Silliness is an epic failure.

And an expensive one, too.

UPDATE: The Correo del Orinoco reports that Jota-Jota is stepping down as Santos’ campaign manager, “voluntarily”, with a sanctimonious little speech about the “enemies of peace” using him “as an instrument” against the credibility of Santos. Whatever could it mean? Ha, ha.

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Posted in Crapagandarati, CubanaBomber Death Watch, El NarcoPresidente, Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Huguito Chavecito, Isn't It Ironic?, Mexican Standoffs, Not Hiding in Honduras, Spooks, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off

Music for a Sunday: Not weak and insipid

Posted on May 4, 2014 by Sabina Becker

Carole Pope and Rough Trade were doing the vampire thing way before it was cool. And apparently, they were onto something with their lyrics, too, since it’s now been determined that transfusions of young blood can help reverse aging, at least in mice. Good thing Countess Báthory is long dead!

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Posted in Music for a Sunday, She Blinded Me With Science | Comments Off

Wankers of the Week: Rob Ford’s Sex Tape

Posted on May 3, 2014 by Sabina Becker

Crappy weekend, everyone! OMG, did I gross you out? Well, good. Because apparently, there is such a beast, and I can’t imagine it being anything other than horrible. There is in fact a video of him smoking crack, too, but then we all knew that for months already. And we already have a fair idea of how that looks. We also always suspected that he’s a violent, crassly racist piece of shit, and this is apparently also on tape, and we also can well imagine how THAT looks. We don’t, however, want to know how Robbo looks while humping what I assume is the hired help. Do we? No, we do not. And here are some other people, who did other things we’d all just as soon not see:

1. Rochelle Fucking Sterling. Last week, it was her husband getting listed. This week, it’s her…because she’s no better, at least as far as racism goes. Also, she sounds like the landlady from hell.

2. Warren Fucking Farrell. Shorter: Dat ass! Dat ass OPPRESSIVE! Dat ass is to men what Brad Pitt allegedly is to all women! Run from DAT ASS!

3. Andrea Fucking Tantaros. Guess who’s been reading #2’s garbage? No, feminists are not to blame for boys doing poorly in school. It’s idiots who think boys are just naturally more boisterous, and should be indulged instead of disciplined, who are the problem. And when EVERYONE has to sit down, shut up and learn something, what’s that? EQUALITY. But I guess someone didn’t learn her lessons, did she now? And don’t anyone blame feminism for idiots like her getting promoted, either.

4. Allen Fucking West. Shorter: Never mind Donald Fucking Sterling’s racism…WHAT ABOUT BENGHAZI??? Jesus H. Christ, are we STILL on that?

5. Louie Fucking Gohmert. Shorter: Never mind Donald Fucking Sterling’s racism…WHAT ABOUT OBAMACARE DEATH PANELS??? Yup, that broken record is still playing, too.

6. Sarah Fucking Palin. If waterboarding is how you “baptize a terrorist”, maybe she should be the next one to get some religion. After all, she sounds pretty ungodly to me. And that screech? Sheer, unmitigated TERROR!

7. Mike Fucking Vanderboegh. Oh look, a dude who runs like a pregnant cow is threatening to rip Harry Reid’s balls off. Stroll, Harry…stroll! Don’t worry, you’ll get away handily. Ha, ha.

8. Don Fucking Popadick. Because this wouldn’t be a wankapedia without a real live wanker (or something along those lines), there’s this appropriately named flasher. And just to make it even more perfect, he was caught in Mooney’s Bay. Another roadside attraction, no doubt.

9. Steven Fucking Anderson. This birth-control-using feminist could waste a lot of words on this slut-shaming pastor, but I think I’ll just go with a loud and hearty, church-hallelujah-style FUCK YOU, YOU SHITTY MOTHERFUCKER, AND DAMN YOUR ASS TO HELL!

10 and 11. Domenico Fucking Dolce and Stefano Fucking Gabbana. Yes, that’s right, a designer wank for you this week, kiddies. And what is it? Multimillion-dollar, or rather multimillion-EURO tax evasion. And fucking DUH the taxman is gonna go after you if you have that much money just lying around in Luxembourg, doing nothing while your own country is bankrupt and the social security net is crumbling under ordinary Italians all over the boot.

12. Jeanine Fucking Young. I don’t know how a woman judge, of all people, could sentence a rapist to public service in lieu of jail time, let alone at a rape-crisis centre, of all places. But I think this may be a sign that someone needs to get the fuck off the bench and leave sentencing to someone more competent and less, er, “creative”. PS: Oh, nice. Exactly what IS the correct way for a rape victim to behave?

13. Pat Fucking Robertson. Yes, Patwa, that’s right. Don’t try to convince anyone else your god exists. For once, you’ve actually given a semi-sound piece of advice, there. Too bad you’re still a fucking wanker.

14. Julia Fucking Gasper. Gay hookups “violate democracy”, and therefore Grindr should be banned? Uh, no. I have a better idea: Instead of banning Grindr (which not all gays use, and many actually dislike), how about we just ban bigotry and automatically disqualify any homophobic candidate from running for public office?

15. Matthew Fucking Lombard. If your “conscience” gets in the way of your business, you need to change your line of work. You want to take a stand against gays, freemasons, and “immodesty”? Be a preacher, not a printer. Problem solved!

16. Buddy Fucking Smith. Since when is bullying the queers a “religious freedom”, while a stated refusal to discriminate is “bullying”? Oh, since “family” became a dog-whistle for “perfect excuse to bully anyone who isn’t cis-het and producing children”.

17. Paul Fucking Wesselhöft. Yeah, dude, we get it. You’re racist. And you’re dying to say “nigger, nigger, nigger” to some person who’s already heard it all too often, and stick it to those PC Police otherwise known as the Black Panthers. Also, you’re racist. We know, we know.

18. Justin Fucking Bieber. Uh, guys? He wasn’t joking when he asked Robbo if he had any crack. He was fresh out, and trying to hit somebody up for a fix. Somebody he just knew was likely to have one on him. Ha, ha.

19. Darrell Fucking Trigg. Never mind that pesky ol’ Founding Fathers’ separation of church and state! Vote for this guy, he’s got it all: bible-thumpin’, queer-bashin’, probably some good ol’ woman-hatin’ too. Hyuk hyuk hyuk, the South will rise again!

20. Michael Fucking Conzachi. Never mind that no one knows (yet) what touched off the latest Fort Hood shooting. A Voice For Morons already has it all figured out, and as usual, it’s women and queers who are to blame! Yup, there’s an actual Lesbo Circle of Doom in the military, trying to arrange things so that military LGBTs getting married have it better than straight folks going to a parent’s funeral, or some such. And of course, the fact that a military woman stopped the shooter before the carnage got worse is just an insult never to be borne. After all, only MEN are allowed to be heroes!

21. Katie Fucking Hopkins. What is she, a concentration-camp kapo? Who is this person, and why is her opinion being blatted to the four winds? She’s an idiot, that much is certain. And shouldn’t she get a REAL job before she spouts off on what kind of “uniforms” she wants the unemployed to wear?

22. Steve Fucking Hickey. Mang, what is it with all these homophobes who spend wayyyyy more time thinking about gay sex than the average gay guy (or even the ABOVE-average gay guy, come to that)? Honestly, this one’s so obsessed with it, you kind of wish he’d finally come out of the closet, just so he could see it’s really nowhere near as dramatic as he makes it out to be. But then again, that would spoil his fantasies. And besides, I don’t think the gays would want him, do you?

23. James Fucking Franco. Nope, I still don’t understand why he’s famous. And nope, I still don’t get why anyone thinks he’s hot. But yes, I do believe we have a wanker here. Again.

24. Eric Fucking Hovind. Creationists, give it a rest. Your religion is NOT a science. The Grand Canyon was NOT eroded in a matter of days. The flooding in Pensacola doesn’t prove a thing…except, of course, that you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.

25. David Fucking Campayo Fucking Lleo. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how stupid and racist it is to throw bananas at black Brazilian soccer players in Spain. Bananas are for eating, not throwing — just ask any actual monkey.

26. Maggie Fucking Gallagher. The death of “biblical morality” as an acceptable public political statement? BRING IT ON, BABY!!!

27. Donald Fucking Sterling. A man who treats all women as prostitutes (so badly that even the legal brothels of Nevada have banned him), kvetching how he should have “just paid off” the mistress who recorded one of his many, MANY racist tirades? I guess recognizing irony just isn’t the old boy’s strong suit, is it?

28. Demitri Fucking Marchessini. If women in pants are destroying western civilization, why does that same civilization stubbornly insist on grinding right along, trousered women notwithstanding? And if wearing the “opposite” sex’s clothes is so destructive to society and all, why are there still Scotsmen…in kilts, no less? I’d say it’s sexism, racism, LGBT-phobia, imperialism, etc., that are the real wreckers of the social fabric of the world.

29. Rakesh Fucking Agrawal. Make a few new notes to yourself, dude: 1. Don’t insult your colleagues. 2. Turn off your autocorrect. 3. Don’t tweet drunk, even if you ARE in New Orleans.

30. Gurbaksh Fucking Chahal. When you’re on video hitting your girlfriend over 100 times in half an hour (!!!), do yourself a big favor and clam the fuck up. Because nothing you say or do is going to improve the way you look, so your best look is to say and do absolutely NOTHING. Yes, not even a cringing “thanks for not giving me any jail time, your honor, even though my sorry ass totally deserves every bit of it.” PS: That board you’re on? What are they all, psychopaths? Because getting off light for some pretty heavy girlfriend abuse is not something to be congratulated for by colleagues. Especially not if there is hard evidence of the fact.

And finally, to all the ugly white people who weren’t content to be merely sore losers in Boston, but racists as well. Hockey is not just a white folks’ game. It hasn’t been one for a very long time. And you know what you need to do when your team loses? GET THE FUCK OVER IT. And for the love of all that’s holy, DON’T BE A FUCKING RACIST TOWARD THE GUY WHO SCORED THE WINNING GOAL. Remember, hockey is only a game. And racism, conversely, is NOT. And if you resort to racism over the loss of a mere game, you might just be what is wrong with this world. Or at least, the wide world of sports.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Festive Left Friday Blogging: May Day in Cuba

Posted on May 2, 2014 by Sabina Becker

So, you think the gringos could bring any capitalist influence to bear on socialist Cuba? Think again. This is what it looked like yesterday in Havana:

Over a million workers marched and celebrated their day. And not coincidentally, there was a distinct tone of defiance in the air. After all, it’s been more than 55 years now that Cuba has been free, and a socialist work in progress.

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Posted in Cuba, Libre (de los Yanquis), Festive Left Friday Blogging | Comments Off

Happy May Day!

Posted on May 1, 2014 by Sabina Becker

Still under the weather here, so please enjoy Billy Bragg’s rendition of the international socialist anthem.

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Posted in Socialism is Good for Capitalism! | Comments Off

Something to brighten this rainy night

Posted on April 30, 2014 by Sabina Becker

Sorry I’m not posting any scintillating translations right now; I’m kind of tired and under the weather. Please enjoy this video of a half-dozen Klukers getting run out of town on a rail, with my compliments:

I especially like the black guy asking if he can join up.

Here’s the second part:

Yup, that Master Race is looking oh-so-masterly right about now. Ha, ha.

(Thanks, Revolution News!)

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Posted in Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Racist?, Karma 1, Dogma 0, Schadenfreude, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off

Peace and order restored in Mérida

Posted on April 29, 2014 by Sabina Becker

rodriguez-torres

So, how’s that coup going in Venezuela? Not so well for the putschists, ha ha:

Security corps have restored calm to the Venezuelan state of Mérida, following a spate of far-right violence dating back to last February, according to the Minister of Interior Relations, Justice and Peace, Miguel Rodríguez Torres.

“Mérida is liberated. Our Bolivarian National Guard will guarantee the right of free transit to its citizens. We want peace,” wrote the minister on his Twitter account, @RodriguezT_MIJP.

In another message, Rodríguez wrote: “There has been a tremendous effort on the part of our GNB officers to return peace to the city of Mérida.”

Rodríguez Torres congratulated the commanding general of the GNB, Justo Noguera, and the Bolivarian National Police “for their excellent work in re-establishing order in Mérida”.

The minister stated that “opposition radicalism has brought environmental and social disaster to this beautiful city.” Later he reflected: “This is how they try to gain power.”

Extortion, homicides, kidnappings and undue use of firearms stand out in the list of crimes perpetrated by the vandal groups who were operating in the sectors of El Rodeo, El Campito, and Cardenal Quintero, in the Libertador municipality of Mérida.

On April 25, Major-General Justo Noguera announced that more than 2,000 members of the GNB were active in the region to guarantee peace there.

To date 41 people have been killed, between February 12 and April 21, 2014. They were victims of violent blockades, traps set by the opposition, obstacles, and coups de grâce executed by terrorists.

Also, 5,000 trees were cut down indiscriminately, and damage was done to infrastructure and public property, causing losses totalling approximately $10 billion.

Translation mine.

All that death, all that wasted money, and what has it accomplished for the opposition? Nada. Zippo. Zilch. Bupkus. Madurito is still firmly in power, and democracy isn’t about to bow to terrorism. Or imperialism.

And those of you in the northern hemisphere supporting these violent so-called “protests” — don’t you feel like idiots now?

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