What’s up with airlines in Venezuela?

love-country-hate-airline

Further to my post the other day on Air Canada and how it’s embarrassed my country, here’s a little something which shows the larger picture…and just how it plays into the whole putschist mess that Venezuela is still mucking its way through:

The Administration and Services Commission of the Venezuelan National Assembly held a meeting on Wednesday with representatives of national and international airlines and travel agencies to discuss the situation of the sector amid numerous denunciations received from users, in particular concerning the lack of tickets offered for flights out of country, and high prices.

The president of the commission, deputy Claudio Farías of the United Socialist Party of Venezuela (PSUV), stated that they would propose to the national executive that they examine in depth the fare issue, since they had received denunciations that the airlines are only selling the most expensive tickets.

“We have cordially solicited that they look into this situation, and we have approved raising this situation before the national executive so as not to affect the passengers, and we will study the possibility of working on a law that might regulate aeronautical services,” said the parliamentarian.

[…]

“Concerning prices, there is no logical explanation. For that reason we have brought up the possibility of an in-depth review of the topic of the offers they make. Supposedly every airline has a policy in this area. We intend that this should be regulated and normalized in Venezuela,” Farías added.

The case of Nancy Landaeta exemplifies this situation. Although she was able to travel to Madrid last year with a ticket that cost her 9,000 bolivars with Air Europe, at the beginning of this year she tried to buy a ticket with the same destination for next April, and quote she received a few days ago set the price at 50,000 bolivars and no guarantee of a return allowance.

In the meeting in the National Assembly, airline representatives said that bilateral treaties have for decades defined a fare system which offers low costs to those who buy well in advance.

However, this does not seem to be an option for Venezuelans. Sandra González, of the Venezuelan Association for Travel and Tourism Agencies (AVAVIT), said that the activity of these companies is threatened because since the end of last year, airlines have been blocking the possibility of buying tickets in advance, and only allow them to be sold a maximum of 30 days before the trip. This therefore implies that one can only buy a ticket at the highest price.

“There are 15,000 jobs in danger because airlines keep presenting failures at the moment of ticket sales,” González said.

During the meeting, representatives of the airlines spoke of what they called the “distortion” of the sector in 2013. There was a great demand for tickets, which exhausted quotas rapidly, with many sold to passengers who did not arrive, and who only bought the ticket to take advantage of the travel allowance granted by the state, and thus illegally convert it into dollars.

A second element was the massive sale to persons from other lands, who bought in bolivars in order to take advantage of the exchange rates.

Giovanna Petrillo, of Avianca, commented to the Commission that as a result of this situation, there were flights with as many as 60% of seats vacant, even though all had been sold.

Both issues have tended toward normalization this year, according to the airlines who attended the meeting, thanks to measures adopted in conjunction with the government.

Farías denounced that the entire fare rise follows a speculative line and also carries a political intent: to generate ill-will in users, so as to create a crisis in this sector in Venezuela.

“The exit of Air Canada has an intention, it’s a political exit. Canada has a policy against Venezuela, and Air Canada obeys this policy. We will not fall into this trap, and for that reason, it is important that airlines make clear their situation today. All have stated that they will continue to operate in Venezuela,” said the deputy.

On Tuesday, the minister of Aquatic and Aerial Transportation, Hébert García Plaza, informed that Venezuela had terminated commercial relations with Air Canada, after that airline had decided unilaterally to suspend flights to and from Caracas.

Translation mine.

The meeting, incidentally, was attended by representatives of Aserca, Iberia, Margarita International Airlines, Aerolíneas Argentinas, American Airlines, Caribbean Airlines, Avianca and Taca. All of them — yes, even AMERICAN Airlines — are still operating normally, and advance tickets are being sold as far ahead as a year from now. So you can see that Air Canada’s unilateral decision to chicken out of flying to Caracas is even more ridiculous now. If even the Yanks aren’t sanctioning Venezuela, what the fuck is up with Canada?

Well, I can tell you exactly what’s up. We have a bunch of fascists and putschists squatting on Parliament Hill right now. They straight-up STOLE the federal election of 2011, fraudulently “winning” as many as 200 ridings even though Stephen Harper was already massively unpopular (and is even more so today). Now, they are unilaterally imposing their will on us Canadians. They’ve quashed demonstrations with police brutality, and we’ve even been told, flat out, that this is not Canada anymore. And they’re trying to prevent Elections Canada from stopping any further such frauds in the future. So it stands to reason that they will get their corporate cronies to line up.

And of course, they will do so with particular regard to all countries where the “tyranny” of a good example reigns. So naturally, Venezuela, with its internationally certified free and fair elections, where the good guys have overwhelmingly won for the last 15 years, gets kicked in the teeth. Including, of course, in the travel sector.

Can’t have Canadians sampling the sweet taste of Bolivarian socialism and actually LIKING it, now, can we?

PS: Looks like I’m not the only Canadian disgruntled with our so-called national airline. There’s a whole tweeter devoted to, well, how Air Canada sucks. There’s also a website totting up the reasons why. Ha, ha.

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Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Crapagandarati, Economics for Dummies, Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Huguito Chavecito, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Law-Law Land, The United States of Amnesia | 1 Comment

Putschist Venezuelan mayors, all you can eat!

And what have we here, this fine morning? Why, just another right-wing Venezuelan mayor, revealing that Frau Becker, like Herr Kafka, is not paranoid. They really ARE out to get Madurito, and they’re even willing to kill their own to do it:

A previously unseen and puzzling video demonstrates that Ramón Muchacho, the mayor of Chacao, is behind violent actions by hooded thugs in the guarimbas and barricades which have caused damage, destruction, human victims, and fear in his jurisdiction in the last few weeks, and in which he confesses that the violent “protests” were not so people could buy Harina Pan [corn flour], but “so the government leaves.”

The images were caught by residents of Chacao who attended the so-called “assemblies” convened by the mayor, while from February 12 onwards, there were violent actions which destroyed public property, urban buildings, units of the Caracas metro transportation system, attacks against residents and passers-by, injuries to members of the police, closures of roads, stringing of decapitation wires, causing death and generalized panic.

The video was broadcast during the meeting of Bolivarian governors and mayors called by President Maduro, who explained that this video was just a small sample of the large volume of documentary, photographic, and audiovisual material which residents submitted to the Revolutionary Government to unmask the irresponsible mayor.

Maduro recounted that the Plaza Altamira, a redoubt of guarimbero fascists, was recuperated by public forces, rehabilitated by the Mayoralty of Caracas in solidarity, and handed over to Mayor Muchacho so that he would maintain it free of fascists.

Maduro warned Muchacho that these powerful pieces of evidence of his fascist conduct have been placed before the Supreme Tribunal of Justice (TSJ). He added that if Muchacho continues along these irresponsible lines, the Executive will take action.

Translation mine.

We already know that yesterday, one putschist mayor was (finally) arrested. There are more where he came from, so to speak. They may be scattered here and there, but they all seem to be singing from the same fascist hymnal. They forget that while they have the mind-set that their towns are their own private fiefdoms, the law of the land says otherwise. And here’s Madurito again, laying it out very succinctly and in no uncertain terms:

The president of Venezuela, Nicolás Maduro, commented on Thursday that he would not accept any more violent actions in the land, for which reason he assured that any “mayor who goes astray will have to face the law.”

The announcement came during a meeting between the president and governors and mayors of the PSUV, after it was announced that elections would be called in the municipality of San Diego, in the state of Carabobo, following the arrest of local opposition mayor Vicencio Scarano, who supported the guarimbas.

“They don’t want elections, but they will have them, because that municipality is one where normally, the opposition sector wins 70 percent. Let’s see if they can elect one who’s not a fascist.”

Translation, again, mine.

Well, Madurito’s nothing if not a hopeful democrat. He still thinks they have it in them to elect someone who, though in opposition, is not fascist. I sadly fear that all of the opposition has gone over to fascism at this point. But at least he’s not hesitating to hold them accountable, and to put on trial any mayor found in violation of the law of the land. Washington won’t like it, but who cares what Washington thinks? Venezuela stopped being their backyard a long, long time ago.

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Putschist Venezuelan mayor arrested

daniel-ceballos-hoodlum

Well, well. What have we here? Oh, none other than the catch of the day, hooded like any fine young fascist thuggie of the Venezuelan streets. And now he’s in custody, finally:

The Venezuelan minister of the Interior, Justice and Peace, Miguel Rodríguez Torres, reported on Wednesday night that the First Control Tribunal had ordered the capture of Daniel Ceballos, the mayor of San Cristóbal, in the state of Táchira. He has now been captured by the Bolivarian Intelligence Service (SEBIN).

Rodríguez also announced on Wednesday night that another National Guard officer had been killed in the same city, as a result of violent actions on the part of the Venezuelan right-wing.

Translation mine.

Daniel Ceballos, you may recall from an earlier post of mine, learned some of his odious tradecraft from the Mexican drug gangs. And now he’s met the same fate they all should.

PS: Oh joy, the MUD has squeaked up, calling Ceballos’ arrest “vile” and a “violation of human rights”. I guess they haven’t seen the dummies he ordered his goons to hang from trees to intimidate any local Chavistas. Or, hell…the photo above, in which he’s got his shirt yoinked up over his head in a failed effort to disguise his rather distinctive features.

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Posted in Fascism Without Swastikas, Fine Young Cannibals, Huguito Chavecito, Law-Law Land, Mexican Standoffs | 1 Comment

Air Canada, our international embarrassment

air-canada-plane

Yesterday, I took CBC to task for bullshitting us about Venezuela. Today, it’s our so-called national airline’s turn:

The minister for aquatic and air transportation, Hebert García Plaza, informed that Venezuela has ended commercial relations with Air Canada after the airline decided, unilaterally, to suspend flights to Caracas.

García Plaza indicated that Air Canada, beyond suspending flights, planned a rupture in commercial relations.

For that reason, the administrative procedure to end relations begins immediately, said García Plaza, in a statement to the media from Fort Tiuna, Caracas, where he met with representatives from 21 international airlines.

“We will begin the necessary procedures via the Foreign Ministry. We will terminate relations with Air Canada until the President (Nicolás Maduro) decides otherwise,” said the minister.

Air Canada evaded international norms and did not inform the National Civil Aeronautics Institute (INAC) of its decision to suspend flights, denounced the minister.

“It was a sudden blow. They took a unilateral decision,” said García Plaza, referring to the suspension by the Canadian company.

Canada, allied with the United States, recently advocated for an intervention in Venezuela in the extraordinary session of the Permanent Council of the Organization of American States (OAS) on March 7.

“We won’t converse with them when they won’t converse with us,” García Plaza said.

The transport minister lamented Air Canada’s decision because it principally affects Canadian tourists who come to Venezuela to enjoy its natural beauty.

“We lament that they have taken a unilateral decision, because no matter what, Canadians will continue to come to Venezuela. That I assure you,” García emphasized.

He added that “geographically, Venezuela will continue to be the north-Caribbean face of the continent, and we will continue to be a country friendly to the world, with a way of being that motivates receptive tourism.”

García recalled that Air Canada flies to other countries “with a much graver security situation than our country has.”

Upon review of the airline’s press releases, it was revealed that Air Canada did not suspend service to Ukraine, which is embroiled in a grave situation of violence, territorial breakaway, and possible military conflict.

Air Canada offices remain open in Ukraine, a country in which it operates by way of alliances with airlines such as Lufthansa, LOT and others.

Recently, Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro vowed to take strict measures against airlines that reduce the frequency of their flights to Venezuela.

“Any airline that leaves Venezuela, will not return as long as we are the government. They will have to oust us,” Maduro warned.

Translation mine.

So, thanks a lot, Air Canada, for joining the Harper Government™ and all our god-awful mining companies in embarrassing us horribly on the international stage. It’s thanks to corporatist clowns like you that Canadians can no longer hold their heads up in Latin America, and are being forced to apologize for what is not our personal fault. You’re still flying to Ukraine following a fascist coup in Kiev, and in the midst of some blindingly obvious political instability that might just turn into a shooting war over Crimea…but you let a few fascist punks in Venezuela convince you that it’s no longer safe to fly to Caracas? I call bullshit.

And I urge every Canadian who is sincerely opposed to fascism (which, in the end, is just capitalism minus gloves) to boycott any airline which will fly to Kiev…but not Caracas. I will be doing so until Air Canada demonstrates good faith, good sense, or both, and reverses this ridiculous situation.

PS: And if anyone else feels inclined to troll or criticize me for this, have a little light reading. Seems that our government is also in on this shitty piece of international relations. Air Canada is NOT acting alone.

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Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Fascism Without Swastikas, Huguito Chavecito, Isn't That Illegal?, Law-Law Land, Teh Russkies, The WTF? Files | 4 Comments

Michelle 1, Majunche 0

bachelet-inauguration

Remember how, the other day, a certain twice-failed Venezuelan presidential candidate (and perennially failed governor of the state of Miranda) dissed the newly inaugurated president of Chile for not supporting his silly little putsch? Well, here’s her response to all that, and it’s a gem:

The president of Chile, Michelle Bachelet, reiterated on Sunday that nobody, whether person or country, has the right to violently depose a legitimately elected head of state, referring to the violent occurrences in Venezuela on the part of opposition members seeking to oust the government of president Nicolás Maduro.

In an interview with the Chilean newspaper El Mercurio, Bachelet affirmed that “we will never accept that anyone, whether person or country, incites by way of violent mechanisms to oust a legitimately elected president.”

Regarding the supposed denunciations of violations of freedom and human rights in Venezuela, the recently elected Chilean president stated that her government has one vision, and that is to always hope that human rights and the constitution be respected.

Bachelet recalled that in the recent meeting of the foreign ministers of the Union of South American Nations (UNASUR), they sought ways to accompany the government and people of Venezuela to resolve the conflict by way of dialogue and peace.

“For that reason, there was a joint declaration, and a commission of foreign ministers will be formed in order to travel to Venezuela before April 1,” Bachelet added.

She also said that some oppositionists called the UNASUR declaration “tepid” because the phrase “human rights” was not used, and had to retract that statement when the Chilean foreign minister, Heraldo Muñoz, asked them to read the declaration well.

Bachelet commented that in her experience as president of UNASUR, “the important thing is to be pro-active, to accompany and generate support for conditions of dialogue and peaceful solutions to conflicts.”

Translation mine.

It bears mentioning, at this point, that Nicolás Maduro has, in fact, done nothing but reach out for peaceful solutions to the violent conflicts that the putschist opposition — led by Majunche — have created in Venezuela. And that the opposition’s so-called leaders — Majunche in particular — are boycotting every effort at talks. They want nothing less than a full coup and ouster, and they’re going to hold their breath until they get it…or until other regional leaders, like Michelle Bachelet, make it clear and plain that they don’t take this childish tantrum-throwing seriously.

And lo and behold, that just happened.

Guess calling her another Pinochet wasn’t such a good idea after all, eh Majunche?

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OFFS, CBC!

cbc-tory-target

Looks like the SupposiTories have won their war against our national news channel, eh? I remember the good old days when CBC used to just broadcast the news, from coast to coast to coast and from around the world. Nowadays, they’ve become a right-wing crapaganda mouthpiece, and nowhere is that more evident than in their reporting on the fascist movements of Ukraine…and Venezuela:

Air Canada has suspended flights to and from Venezuela as month-long protests against the government continue in the South American country.

“Due to ongoing civil unrest in Venezuela, Air Canada can no longer ensure the safety of its operation and has suspended flights to Caracas until further notice,” the airline said in a statement on its website.

“Air Canada will continue to monitor the situation and will evaluate the reintroduction of flights with the objective of resuming operations on the route once Air Canada is satisfied that the situation in Venezuela has stabilized.”

The first flights affected are a flight from Toronto to Caracas on Tuesday evening, and a return flight from Caracas to Toronto Wednesday morning.

The airline and travel agents have started notifying affected customers, and that its reservations and ticketing office in Caracas remains open.

Air Canada says that affected travellers can obtain refunds if they have not already begun travelling, and those who have already started their trip may be re-booked on other airlines at no additional cost or obtain a refund.

Prior to the suspension, Air Canada was operating three return flights weekly between Toronto and Caracas.

Air Canada’s suspension came just a few days after Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro said any airline that reduced or suspended flights in and out of Venezuela would face severe measures.

Maduro said any airline that leaves won’t be allowed back while he is in power.

So you can see that they’re trying very hard to paint Madurito as some kind of tyrant, when in fact he is taking reasonable measures against foreign corporations aiding and abetting the attempted coup. Meanwhile, locally owned and operated airlines, such as Conviasa, will be more than happy to take up chickenshit profiteer Air Canada’s slack. (They’re not reporting that, obviously. Wouldn’t want to give the impression that Venezuela is actually still tourist-friendly — and right at the height of the winter travel season, too!)

The rest of the piece is all the usual arglebargle about inflation (remember what precipitated the Caracazo? CBC doesn’t), instability (ditto), violence in the streets (megadittoes) and all that other shit. They don’t mention, obviamente, that the “demonstrators” are paid out of Washington’s pockets, to the tune of an astronomical 5,000 bolivars a week, to maintain their illegal blockades. They don’t mention that food trucks carrying products to government-subsidized markets have been sabotaged, or that hoarded goods have been smuggled and illegally sold across the Colombian border. They don’t mention that all of this began right after the government announced a new law to…well, prevent all of that!

They also don’t mention those infamous trip-wires the not-so-starving kids of the so-called middle class have been seen stringing at intersections to catch motorcyclists (many of them Chavistas from the poor parts of town), or the homemade spike belts those innocent little angels have been laying, or the fact that they’ve been burning National Guard motorbikes after killing their riders.

They don’t mention the deranged opposition general holing up in his fancy mansion with his machine gun, vowing to kill anyone who comes to arrest him, or the Colombian paramilitaries caught with C-4 explosive.

They don’t mention the oppos’ “tollbooths”, which consist mainly of masked thugs extorting bribes from passing motorists. Nor do they mention how a renowned orchestra director from Maracaibo was pelted with rocks at such a “tollbooth” in his wheelchair, and his dog thrown into a burning heap of trash, because he tried to intercede on behalf of a family trying to take a sick kid to the doctor.

They don’t mention that a Chilean woman got killed by those “peaceful” protesters. They’re also not reporting that those “peaceful” demonstrators are violent even as far away as New York. And they certainly don’t mention how unpopular all these violent, extremist measures are.

None of that makes it onto CBC, because all of that makes it clear that the real problem isn’t the government, it’s the little local brownshirts trying to oust it.

And they are most definitely not reporting this. Did you know we have a new ambassador to Caracas, and that he’s a specialist in “democratic transitions”, in line with the Washington Consensus? If you did, chances are you didn’t hear it from CBC. They’re not reporting THAT. Because that would make Madurito’s disgust at the likes of Air Canada seem very well justified. And heaven knows the CBC don’t want the president of Venezuela to look reasonable and intelligent — at least not as long as he’s a Bolivarian!

So, no accurate and responsible reporting on the real situation in Venezuela. Nope…instead, we just get yet another wear-out-the-panic-button tale of how evil and awful the Bolivarian government of Venezuela is for stepping in and trying to prevent a bunch of local thugs (and their foreign and corporate puppetmasters) from taking power that they were not elected, and therefore are not entitled, to. They don’t care what real Venezuelans think about all these inane media wars at all. Their “job” is clearly not to inform the Canadian public, but to mislead it about anyone whom the US, and by extension our own lackeys on Parliament Hill, have deemed to be The Enemy.

Oh CBC, how far your democratic star has fallen.

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Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Chile Sin Queso, Crapagandarati, Economics for Dummies, El NarcoPresidente, Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Fine Young Cannibals, Huguito Chavecito, Isn't It Ironic?, Spooks, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on OFFS, CBC!

The truth about Venezuela

Who’s gonna make this go viral? Because we all should.

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The ironies of the Venezuelan opposition, part 44

maduro-gone-yet

“Mom, is Maduro gone yet?” “Soon, honey!”
(repeated three times)
“Mom, is Maduro gone yet?” “Oh, just come to dinner already!”

Ah yes. Those peaceful oppos. Still protesting peacefully, I see. Just look how lovely and polite they were to this illustrious orchestra director:

Havid Sánchez, recognized director of the Symphony Orchestra of Maracaibo, was assaulted by oppositionists who held a guarimba near his house, after he interceded on behalf of a family trying to take their son to the doctor, and being unable to cross a barricade near their home, according to Gustavo Colina, the director of the Cultural Cabinet of the state of Zulia, on his Facebook account.

“Orchestra director Havid Sánchez went out in his wheelchair with his dog to protest against a burning barricade in front of his house,” Colina explained, pointing out that the director suffers from pulmonary emphysema and severe heart disease. They pelted him with rocks and tried to burn his dog, but both are recovering satisfactorily.

“They threw rocks at the maestro, and grabbed his puppy, Nacho, and threw him in the fire, all because he tried to intercede for a family which was going in their car trying to bring their son to the doctor. They said, ‘that guy’s a Chavista!’ and began pelting him with rocks when the great Havid said, ‘Yes, I’m a Chavista, and a communist!'”

Colina explained that “they grabbed Nacho and tried to burn him alive…thanks to great God, both are recovering from their wounds. Havid is so great that he only thought of the bad times we are all going through; that what happened to him is not the most important. This is unbelievable and very sad.”

Sánchez, born in 1943, was associate director of the Maracaibo orchestra from 1971, and in 2009, became director of the same until October 7, 2010. He is one of the most respected music directors of Zulia.

Translation mine.

Nice to see that they haven’t changed their ways at all, eh? Not like their boss, Majunche Capriles, who has gone from a fan of fascism to…well, apparently an opponent (and apparently is the operative word):

The leader of the Venezuelan opposition, Henrique Capriles, criticized Chilean president Michelle Bachelet for not rejecting “the disproportionate use of force” in Venezuela, which he called “like the Pinochet régime”.

“That one should listen to President Bachelet and she has not one word of rejection for the disproportionate use of force…that’s like the Pinochet régime,” Capriles said.

“That one should see persons who were persecuted in Chile and they defend the government of Venezuela rather than promote a dialogue or the investigation of human-rights violations, not seeing that is really surprising,” said the governor of the state of Miranda, in an interview with La Tercera.

[…]

He also criticized that “we have seen an attitude on the part of almost all the governments of Latin America that seems that, above any democratic principle, they defend economic interests.

“My vision is that there is a profound social malaise in the land, and the economic situation is worse every day. When there are no solutions to the problems, people protest,” the former presidential candidate added.

Regarding a possible solution to the conflict, Capriles explained that “we who want a change in the land can never stray from the constitutional path and the democratic way.

“That’s why I say that this discontent and social malaise must translate into a social movement in all the land which includes those who live in the popular sectors. This will permit us to have the force to demand changes,” Capriles added.

“I’m not a putschist. Militaries launch coups, not civilians. We won’t wait with arms crossed for some international instance to respond to us,” Capriles said.

He also criticized the OAS, because “with their secretary-general, (José Miguel) Insulza, every day they send the signal that the organism has been conquered, that they have lost all connection with the realities that our lands are living through…it has turned into a club for the defence of governments.”

Regarding his non-attendance at the dialogue called by President Nicolás Maduro, Capriles said that “for a dialogue to be effective, there have to be some prior conditions for that dialogue.

“We won’t lend ourselves to a TV show to make it look like there is an intention on the part of the government to dialogue. And in the end, we’ll wind up with a monologue in which the government tells us a story,” he added.

Capriles said that “Nicolás is an error in the history of our Venezuela. All the problems we have, from insecurity to the scarcity of foods, all has gotten worse in these last 10 days.

“Nicolás has nothing to show for 10 months of presidency. We have shortages and 70 percent are poor. We have to have an exit. In the face of those problems, the government has two options: either it resolves the problems and changes its failed model, or it has to get out,” Capriles concluded.

Translation mine. (Thanks to Anthony for the link!)

So we can see that the little shit has quite the chutzpah. He’s a twice-failed presidential candidate, and a perennially failed governor of the state of Miranda, where he can’t even seem to get the garbage picked up. Yet he has the nerve to complain that Maduro has plunged the nation into a crisis, which is in fact the total doing of the same opposition that wants to do away with all the elected leaders and, for 48 hours in 2002, managed to do not only that, but also scrapped all democratic and constitutional processes and institutions. While the military high command were leading the putsch, Majunche & Co. assaulted the Cuban embassy and beat up the minister of justice, Ramón Rodríguez Chacín. And yet, here he is, claiming he and his gangs of thuggies won’t stray from the constitutional and democratic path. And that “only militaries launch coups”. Really, Majunche?

And, even more hilariously ironic: He has the nerve to liken Michelle Bachelet — a democratically elected, left-wing president, who was forced into exile by the fascist Pinochet dictatorship, and whose own father died of torture at the hands of the same — of being “like Pinochet”. And for what? For not supporting Majunche’s putsch against a democratically elected, leftist president.

Oh yeah, and it’s especially rich that he claims the OAS — an institution that has been doing the oppos’ bidding since the day Chavecito took office — is “conquered” by the Chavistas. And that the governments of the region — who protested the right-wing putsch in Paraguay by locking it out of Unasur and Mercosur — are “defending the economic interests” of fascists…

That muffled thud you just heard was my irony meter, imploding yet again. Have you any idea how many of those I’ve gone through in the last year alone?

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Music for a Sunday: Two for Fred Phelps

This morning, I got the news that ol’ Fred, the biggest self-loathing hatemonger in Kansas, is not much longer for this world. Also, he’s been excommunicated by his own cult. I hereby dedicate two Danielle Dax songs to him. First up, one that handily summarizes his entire ignominious career:

Then this one, which pretty much sums up what life is gonna be like after him:

“We’re gonna have a party when you are gone/Desecrate your grave and sing this song…”

Amen. But first, we’re gonna picket your funeral. It’s only fair.

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Wankers of the Week: Beware the Ides!

ides-of-march.jpg

Crappy weekend, everyone! Great Caesar’s ghost, we’re midway through March already. Can it be that Old Man Winter’s icy death grip is finally letting go? I dunno, it’s wheezing so loud out there, I think the old bastard still has a few gasps left. Give him another week and we’ll get him hollering Uncle. Meanwhile, no mercy for the following, in no particular order:

1. Justin Fucking Bieber. For all those who ever wondered if he really is that smarmy and horrid, here’s your answer. Yes, of COURSE he is. He’s also dumb as a box of hammers. But he is right about one thing: He sure as hell IS detrimental to his own career. Ha, ha.

2. Mark Fucking Driscoll. Bulk-buying your way onto the New York Times Bestseller List: Not just for Coultergeists and Palinesses anymore. Nope, now it’s also a Hipster Fundie Preacher Thing!

3. Sean Fucking Fieler. Who puts fake voices into fake fetuses’ mouths? THIS guy. Figures that he’s in hedge funds. Even by crapitalist standards, that’s as phony as it gets!

4. Kyle Fucking Tasker. Hey, maybe he and Robbo should get together. Both of them really seem to have a taste for domestic violence, hyuk hyuk hyuk.

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5. Ben Fucking Carson. Well. Finally a right-winger kinda-sorta admits that straight marriage is a special right. I guess that’s progress…for THEM. Too bad he goes on to undo that by invoking NAMBLA and bestiality. Isn’t that schtick getting old and tired yet?

6. David Fucking Barton. More Christians martyred last year than in all the time since Christianity began? Wow. Assfax is one helluva drug.

7. Lynn Fucking Good. First rule of Dirty Coal crapitalism: Always pass your cleanup costs on to the consumer. Profit, profit, über alles!

8. Terry Fucking Richardson. When the hell is this pervert going to jail? Because there’s hardly a model he hasn’t molested…and as a fashion photographer, he is not even interesting. Any idiot can do point-and-shoot porn, after all, so why should he be hired by Vogue? PS: No, you are NOT being witch-hunted. You are being held accountable, by someone, at last. How’s it feel when the shoe’s on the other foot?

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9. Rob Fucking Ford. Pay no attention to all that squeaking and splashing. And no, that ship is not hanging low in the water. Why do you ask?

10. Doug Fucking Ford. Whenever Tweedledum bumblefucks up, Tweedledee bumblemucks up. PS: I wasn’t a fan of Kevin Spacey before, but since Dougie apparently hates him, I am now! Ha, ha.

11. Susan Fucking Patton. No, you’re not “just being honest”. Nobody who is genuinely honest peddles a book that reads like a canned list of right-wing bullshit squawking points. PS: You’re also dead wrong, according to actual science. Might want to revise your “common sense” there, lady. PPS: OFFS. STFU!

12. John Fucking Benefiel. There is no way ancient Egyptians could have dedicated the Americas to Baal. For one thing, he’s not an Egyptian god. For another, he’s not a son of Satan. Oops! There goes your tidy little “curse” theory. Honestly, a bag of rocks is smarter anyway.

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13. Pat Fucking Robertson. Meanwhile, in other superstitious nonsense, Patwa believes that X-rated movies invite demons into your car to wreck it. Uh, Patwa? I think you may have seen Christine one too many times. PS: No, seriously, Patwa, you need to turn off your TV now. Before God does it for you.

14. Stuart Fucking Varney. Oh noes, hungry poor kids are still being fed! The unmitigated HORROR! They’re supposed to die in Dickensian workhouses, dammit! PS: Excuse me…did you say that overtime pay makes EMPLOYEES greedy? Hahahahaha, so you did! Well, then, by that token, I think all corporate profit should be abolished, because guess who gets greedy when you allow THAT?

15. Joseph Fucking Pickens. Oh noes, someone is butthurt because others pointed out that wearing blackface is racist! I pity the fool…which is what the real Mr. T would do, too.

16. Scott Fucking Lively. Not content to bask in the dubious glory of having promoted anti-gay laws in Uganda and Russia, he’s now setting his sights on Ukraine…and blaming LGBTs for its current (and largely fascist-created) crisis. The irony is thunderous, and he is utterly deaf to it.

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17. Christina Fucking Hoff Fucking Sommers. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how stupid she is for defending sexism, while chiding those who criticize it. What kind of feminist does that? None. She’s a fauxminist. She fakes left and throws right. She is nothing more than a misogynist in skirts.

18. Mike Fucking Maggio, AGAIN. Yup, “geauxjudge” is still a neaux-brains. And his neaux-pology leaves a lot to be desired. What fucking diploma mill was this fratboy in robes graduated from, anyway? Why is he not yet off the bench? And why in fucknation has his law licence not been revoked yet?

19 and 20. The Fucking Zimmermans. Yup, that’s right, Little Georgie Porgie’s parents are wankers this week. For suing Roseanne Barr, who isn’t actually about to “lynch” anyone. Interesting choice of words there, innit? And now we know where Georgie-Porgie got it from, too.

21. George Fucking Zimmerman. Because of course.

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22. Alex Fucking Da Costa. Um, believing that being gay is wrong IS anti-gay. By definition. Fucking DUH.

23. Greg Fucking Brannon. Um, Planned Parenthood isn’t in the business of “killing babies”, it’s in the business of preventing conception for the most part (and sometimes, unwanted births as well). Birth control and abortion are legal in all fifty US states, last time I looked. And just think, people, this plagiarizer of Rand Fucking Paul — RAND FUCKING PAUL — is an obstetrician! What fucking diploma mill graduated HIM?

24. Michelle Fucking Bachmann. Help, help, she’s being oppressed…by meanies telling her she can’t bully queer folks any longer! Oh, the humanity!

25. Randall Fucking Scott. For someone who hates Obama so much that you would sooner “dine with Satan in hell than shake his hand”, you sure are pissy about being excluded from his event. Poor baby!

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26. Rafael Fucking Cruz. The only thing that surprises me about his tinfoil-clad rantings is that he hasn’t yet blamed the Illuminati for chemtrails or fluoride for Communism (precious bodily fluids!). Oh wait, is he getting to that? All righty then…

27. Frank Fucking Ancona. Anyone who refers to non-whites as “the colored and mongrel races” is, in fact, their enemy by definition. And the KKK was conceived as nothing else, too, as I recall. Epic PR fail!

28. Jeff Fucking Vinall. A bigot should always have the courage of his convictions, such as they are. But this Young Oxford Conservatives leader is mighty tetchy about having it known that he rejoiced in the death of the “terrorist” Nelson Mandela. So much so that he abused the DMCA to try to censor his critics. And now that the toothpaste is out of THAT tube, good luck trying to shove it back in. Ha, ha.

29. Curtis Fucking Reeves, Jr. So, it turns out that texting in a movie theatre is so rude that it should cost you your life…at the hands of a trigger-happy ex-cop who is doing the exact same thing himself. Stand your ground, groundstanders!

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30. Austin Fucking Ruse. No, Women’s Studies did NOT create the Duke University freshman porn star. The porn industry (owned, operated and patronized overwhelmingly by MEN) did. And the high cost of tuition nowadays isn’t helping either, since it has obliged more than a few young women to essentially prostitute themselves so they won’t starve to death before they get a shot at their dream jobs. You’re “paying an arm and a leg” to keep your daughters out of regular schools? The more fool you…and boy, do I feel sorry for your girls. They have a real fascist for a father. Who else would advocate “take out and shoot” as a “solution” to the “problem” of people who just don’t agree with you or jibe with your sad, narrow world-view? PS: Oh wow. You really ARE having a bad week, aren’t you? Hahahahahaha.

31. Bryan Fucking Fischer. No, we feminists don’t have a “fundamental insecurity” about our “femininity”, whatever the hell that is supposed to be. You, on the other hand, seem to have a real issue with your manhood, given the amount of time you devote to bashing women and queers. PS: And no, people don’t just tell pollsters what they think pollsters want to hear. Your views are out of step with society. Welcome to the wrong side of history, asswipe.

32. Franklin Fucking Graham. Hey, Pooty-Poot: You know you’re on the wrong side of history when Yankee televangelists endorse your homophobia. Take a hint, already!

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33. Richard Fucking Burr. How’s it feel to get your capitalist crapaganda sliced, diced and tossed back in your face by a Canadian doctor, eh? Hahahahaha.

34. Kristin Fucking Cavallari. Yet another famous-for-nothing idiot refuses to vaccinate her kids. Because she’s “read some books”, no doubt by other famous-for-nothing idiots, about the long-since-disproven “link” between vaccines and autism. Meanwhile, measles outbreaks are happening all over the place because other idiots, less famous, have also read those books and are refusing to vaccinate their kids, who will be lucky to reach college age at this rate. Moral of story: STOP MAKING STUPID PEOPLE FAMOUS.

35. Michael Fucking Gove. And speaking of stupid people, how about this one from the other side of the pond? He still believes that 37 million war deaths can’t possibly be unjust. Britain, stop making wankers into politicians!

36. Dakkari Fucking McAnuff. Congratulations, you’re now Twitter-famous. You’re also a fucking idiot. And you’re Twitter-famous for being a fucking idiot.

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37. Angela Fucking Merkel. Ach, du lieber Himmel. Looks like her predecessor, Gerhard Schröder, is no help when it comes to rattling the ol’ sabre against Pooty-Poot. On the contrary, he thinks Pooty has a good point, sending the Russian army into Crimea to defend the locals against the fascist incursion from the Maidan. Pech gehabt…und Scheiße.

38. Maria Fucking Kang. Oh look, it’s the world’s most annoying self-righteous person. Lady, you are not a movement…unless it’s the laxative-induced bowel kind. STFU and go the hell away, already.

39. Paul Fucking Ryan. And speaking of annoying self-righteous people, meet the new Paul Ryan…same as the old. Only this time, with even more “social Darwinist” racism. This one, too, can take a fucking hike. A long one, preferably off a short pier.

40. Chris Fucking Brown. Hi ho, hi ho…it’s back to jail you go! The wonder is that you didn’t stay longer the first time. Maybe this time you’ll finally DO the time, eh?

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And finally, to all the white, white wankers who “marched” today in this little shindig. Those sheets would be more useful on your beds, fellas. You’re actually the least oppressed people in the world, so stop your fuckin’ whining. If you’re gonna hold anyone else to blame for your problems, then for once, do it to those who deserve it — namely, the capitalists. You know, those white guys up above you, the ones in the overpriced suits? Yeah, them. They look just like you, only with better manicures. And while you’re out there making asses of yourselves in the streets blaming those who are actually worse off than you, they’re laughing all the way to the bank. Which, of course, they own.

Good night, and get fucked!

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