Wankers of the Week: Year-End Yahoos of 2018

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Crappy weekend and a very crappy New Year, everyone! Yes, I’m resurrecting the wanklist — at least for one special edition. We’ll see if I have the energy to keep it going next year, eh? So let’s get to it, because the world is full of wankers and the year’s a-wastin’. And here they are, in no particular order:

1. Ezra Fucking Levant. Is it a day ending in -day? Then you know it’s a day when the Doughy Pantload is getting his doughy drawers in a bunch over something truly stupid. And this time, it’s over the most unoriginal slogan ever, which he missed the opportunity to profit from. Not that it was ever much of an opportunity to begin with, since people started protesting the whole “Make Canada Great Again” nonsense as soon as it hit the Bay’s shelves the first time.

2. Ace Fucking Frehley. You know you’re getting old (and your schtick is, too) when you’ve stopped sticking it to the man and started kissing his ass. And slipping it the tongue. Ewwwwwwww.

3. Bill Fucking Haslam. Clemency for 11 people, and Cyntoia Brown — who killed a child-abusing pervert in self-defence — isn’t one of them. 51 fucking years for refusing to be bought as a slave. Guess taking out the human trash isn’t a “positive contribution to community”, eh? And “lame duck” is sure a nice way of saying Worse Than Fucking Useless.

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4. Alan Fucking Maloney. White racist referee plays Delilah to a black wrestler’s Samson? Pity the old hair-chopping gambit only works in the mythology books. Out here in the real world, it just makes ‘em madder…and that much more determined to show you up. PS: And get you banned, too. PPS: And fired.

5. Mike Fucking Huckabee. Because it wouldn’t be a wankapedia without at least one Fuckabee in it, here you go. And boy howdy, is HE behind the times on the cultural references, including the heinous ones.

6. Scott Fucking Perry. Why do federal employees need their paycheques on time? Oh gee, it’s a real head-scratcher. But I’m guessing it has a lot to do with the fact that holiday expenses add up fast when you’re living from one paycheque to the next. Or maybe it’s because bill-collectors aren’t exactly the most patient people on the planet, and especially not when it comes to lowly peons who work for the government but don’t get to make the laws!

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7. Matthew Fucking Whitaker. Who’d of thunk that Donnie would hire a résumé-fudging liar to replace the Evil Keebler Elf of White Supremacy? I’m shocked, SHOCKED.

8. Kevin Fucking Spacey. About to face trial for sexual assault? Just release a really fucking creepy video. Yeah, that’ll do LOADS to boost your credibility! Especially when the cops have the goods on you…ON VIDEO.

9. Alan Fucking Dershowitz. And speaking of sexual assault and really fucking creepy and boosting credibility — yeah, go ahead and sue your alleged victims. I’m sure that won’t mark you as a vindictive, abusive douchebag at all!

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10. David Fucking Brannon. Yo, Florida Man? You better do something stupid really quick, because it looks like Kentucky Man is gonna eat your lunch. And in this case, specifically, your holiday ham dinner.

11. Claire Fucking McCaskill. Why is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a thing, you ask? Because she’s young, she’s smart, and she speaks to a lot of prevailing needs and discontents across the political spectrum. The real question here, though, is why are you still a thing, and why were you ever?

12. Andrew Fucking Scheer. And speaking of “why are you a thing”: Oh, Andy, Andy, Andy. You’re just not ready for prime time. And something tells me you never will be.

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13. Jerald Fucking Jeske. Your estranged wife loves her dogs more than she does you, you say? Well, given the way you treat all of them, I can’t say I’m terribly surprised.

14. Scott Fucking Walker. Oh, Simple Scotty…soon to be gone, but not forgotten. And cursed by every Wisconsinite to the tune of $1800 in corporate welfare bum bonuses, too.

15. Dennis Fucking Prager. How the hell is being wished Happy Holidays in any way unpatriotic or radical? Uh…it isn’t. Never has been. In fact, it’s been the norm for so long that even Bing Crosby has sung it. But trust this stronsmosity (that’s a mixed-up monstrosity) to not get that tiny little salient detail.

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16. Matt Fucking Bevin. Yeah, nothing suffocates good teachers more than a union that advocates for better wages and working conditions. But hey! You do YOU, booboo. And good luck in your ever-accelerating race to the bottom of the state educational rankings, eh?

17. Doug Fucking Ford. Hey, when your nickname is Druggy Dougie Frod, you have to do SOMETHING to earn it, right? And heaven knows, that’s the only thing he’s actually earned.

18. Sarah Marie Fucking Diaz. Love thy neighbor? Nah, Jesus must have stuttered. Because gay people clearly didn’t exist back then, right?

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19. Leida Fucking Crisostomo. Because it wouldn’t be a wankapedia without a Florida Fool putting in an appearance, here’s Florida Woman, making sure that Kentucky Man doesn’t grab all the glory. And she does it all while waving a toy gun and riding away on a trike, too!

20. Lindsey Fucking Graham. Remind me again how the 9-11 hijackers got in? Because it seems to me that “radical Islam”, if you want to call it that, can just as easily enter through any airport or seaport as across a land border. In fact, it’s easier to do just that. And like all of those Saudi boys demonstrated so handily, it was all perfectly fucking legal. As is being a home-grown fucking Nazi…incidentally, the #1 terrorist menace in the US of Amnesia today.

21. Mike Fucking Pompeo. Bad enough that Donnie saw fit to appoint a crony to head the fucking CIA. But one with his head full of rapturist bullshit? Holy crap bubbles, don’t bother unpacking that noise. Just burn the whole damn suitcase!

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22. Franklin Fucking Graham. Oh, you’re tired of the media attacking Donnie? Well, everyone else is a helluva lot tireder of Donnie attacking THEM. Suck it up, buttercup! And fuck your feelings in the New Year!

23. Michael Fucking Lindell. I have no idea what a MyPillow is, but I do know I won’t be buying one anytime soon. Or, like, EVER. Why? Because FUCK THIS FUCKING GUY, that’s why. PS: Ha, ha.

24. Louie Fucking Gohmert. Careful what you ask for there, Gomer…even if God isn’t listening, the Lords of Karma certainly are. And I already know just what their answer is gonna be.

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And finally, to Donnie Fucking Drumpf himself. From sticking the taxpayers with the bill for party tents at Mar-a-Wanko, to the distinct possibility that we’ll be seeing pictures of that shrivelly ’shroom much sooner than we could ever have hoped, to the congressional intern who says what everyone by now is thinking (if they’re of sound mind, anyway) — yeah, Donnie is the perennial dishonorable mention. And so he shall be, forever and ever, or at least until his political coffin is nailed shut, amen.

Good night, and get fucked!

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What happened to the junior Nazis of Baraboo High?

Uh, actually…nothing real or in any way serious. Unfortunately:

The whole bullshit got dismissed by school administrators as a “free speech issue”, which must come as some shock to girls who’ve been sent home for wearing shorts on a hot day, or showing a smidgen of shoulder out their sweatshirts. Or to black kids who’ve worn afros, braids, head-wraps, extensions, or dreadlocks. Or to kids who’ve told off a nasty teacher or fought off a school bully. Or to kids who’ve tried to start a Gay-Straight Alliance, or tried to use the bathrooms while transgender. No, nobody was disciplined, not even the photographer who allegedly told the kids to “wave” (i.e. hello to Hitler). Nobody was warned about the evils of fascism, or the fact that Wisconsin, like the rest of the US of Amnesia, was supposed to be fighting AGAINST it from 1939 to 1945. Nobody was even given a history lesson about the stupidity of flying a Confederate flag in an ardently pro-Union state.

In short, nothing happened to the junior Nazis of Baraboo High. They got a bit of minor embarrassment when this hit the media, and then…

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Québec fascists trying to hijack Christmas again

Just an innocent manger scene, you say? Think again. According to Xavier Camus, an antifascist in Québec, this is what it looks like when local fascism rears its ugly head:

Ultra-Catholics set up a crèche in Saguenay to combat the devil.

For the third year in a row, the fascist grouplet Tradition Québec repeated their pretend coup d’éclat by putting a small manger scene under the tree in the middle of Chicoutimi.

Their official publication states: “Since the devil is slowly installing himself in our institutions, French-Canadians proud of their traditions aren’t hesitating a second to re-appropriate public space!”

The Saguenay traditionalist movement was first heard from in 2008, when 140 signatories wrote an open letter to mayor Jean Tremblay to demand a return to Latin prayers during Mass. Mayor Tremblay said he was in favor.

The militants later supported Tremblay in his fight to maintain the recitation of prayers during municipal council meetings. The mayor lost his court battle in 2015, so he did not run for re-election in 2017.

A new little group took the name of “Tradition Saguenay” in December 2014, when Tremblay was at his zenith. The young supremacists Kenny Piché and Étienne Dumas spearheaded it, having forged ties with the Fédération des Québécois de Souche in Québec City.

Being ambitious, these young Saguenay fascists changed the name of the group to “Tradition Québec” in March 2015, and affiliated themselves with the St. Pius X Sacerdotal Fraternity (FSSPX), which rejects Vatican II and promotes Latin prayer.

The priests of the Holy Family School in Lévis also participated in Tradition Québec events and held conferences and religious celebrations for the neo-Nazis of Atalante Québec.

In 2016-7, Messrs. Piché, Dumas, and Father Pierre Roy all left the FSSPX, but their organization Tradition Québec remains active.

To give an idea of the extremism of their movement, Kenny Piché idolizes Adrien Arcand, the Canadian Führer of the 1930s and -40s. And he calls himself “Kenny Goglu” on social media in his honor, and has posted a picture of a bust of Arcand on his Facebook account.

Tradition Québec have launched a publishing house — Les Éditions de la Vérité — which has published a work by reactionary Québécois historian Robert Rumilly, titled “The Leftist Infiltration of French Canada”.

The president of Tradition Québec, Étienne Dumas, went on the podcast of the fascist group Horizon Québec to promote the book’s publication:

“Our movement is ‘counter-revolutionary, because revolution = God below, man above’. We are in favor of independence for cultural, ethnic and religious reasons.”

So they dream of a return of sorts to medievalist Québec, mixing in the ideas of Maurice Duplessis and a certain theocratic monarchist ideal…

Translation mine. Linkage added.

BTW, this is probably the same bunch of “independentists” (yes, that word IS ridiculous) who also think it’s still “secularism” to keep a crucifix on the wall in the Québec provincial parliament chambers, but who would scream at the actual secularism of living and letting Muslims live, headscarves and fezzes and turbans and all. Much less letting them work as public servants. Because that job is only supposed to go to rosary-toting priests and nuns who abuse children in orphanages, don’t you know?

Maybe it’s time for another Quiet Revolution in La Belle Province…only this one should not be quite so quiet. And it shouldn’t end until the last local fascist is hanged with the entrails of the last reactionary priest.

Deus vult, motherfuckers.

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Merry Xmas. Would you care for some genderbread cookies?

Tucker Fucking Carlson sure would. So much so that he dedicated an entire segment of his (shit)show — and an “expert”! — to them:

Watch out, Scotland, there’s a floppy-haired shitgibbon coming for your genderless gingerbread people!

But don’t worry. As we speak, I’m making some dick-shaped cookie cutters of my own here, so I can send Tucky a bag of genderbread. Because we all know he’s dying to eat it.

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AFD…WTF?

What’s wrong with this picture? Plenty. If you can’t tell, here’s a hint from the Berliner Zeitung:

Who put a Nazi eagle on the top of a Christmas tree in the AFD party office? Was it someone from the party? Or was it the act of an Antifa group, as one AFD politician now claims?

This question has been asked since the Berliner Kurier and the Berliner Zeitung have been reporting on the incident on their websites. The thing has been in the world since Thursday. A reader also complained about the xenophobic sticker on the door of the office. The yellow sticker reads “We have to stay outside.” It has a dog and a woman in a full-face veil on it.

The man wrote to the Berliner Kurier and Berliner Zeitung: “When I told the police about it, they told me that it wasn’t a crime. Today I found out that the Christmas decorations in the office foyer include an eagle in classic Nazi style.” The man sent a cellphone video that documents the whole thing.

The two newspapers sent a query to the AFD office. They asked: “A reader complained about two things: A sticker, which he considers discriminatory, saying ‘We have to stay outside’, with pictograms of a dog and a woman in a burqa on your Schillstraße office door, as well as an eagle on the top of a little Christmas tree behind the door. This eagle reminds him of ‘classic Nazi style’.”

The AFD were requested to reply by Friday, 4 p.m. No reply came.

But then the police told the papers on Friday afternoon that the state security service had filed charges, and that the matter would go to the state prosecutor’s office, in order to determine what further course of action should be taken in the incident. The charges did not apply to the tree, but the sticker.

The newspaper report read: “A police spokeswoman said, upon request, that the wreath of oak leaves in the eagle’s claws needed to contain a swastika in order to qualify for the ban [on Nazi insignia]. Whoever stuck that eagle on the Christmas tree, seems to have known that. Instead of the swastika, the wreath contains the arrow symbol of the AFD.”

The AFD had nothing to say when asked about it. As the news became public, however, AFD parliamentary spokesman Christian Lüth addressed a journalist from a Swiss newspaper on Twitter about it. “That was a very funny joke by Antifa.” Then: “The crime has been reported. But honestly, do you really believe that it was done by the party leadership?”

The police will now have to deal with Christian Lüth’s declaration as well. So far, no claims of responsibility from any Antifa group. The AFD has also not taken any official position on the matter.

Translation mine.

Hmmm, there’s something hinky about all this. Actually, TWO things:

First off, Antifa hasn’t claimed responsibility, which is actually not surprising. This isn’t their style, to be honest. It’s not a very effective mode of raising public awareness, either. They’d rather protest overtly and straightforwardly, and NOT by using degrading and fascistic imagery (even in a “satirical” manner — and kindly note the quotes; as usual, there for a reason). They’re well aware of splash damage, which would no doubt be done to Muslim women by the sticker equating them with dogs (which are considered unclean in Islamic tradition). The last thing any self-respecting German anti-fascist wants is to hurt the very people who are already the victims and targets of so much far-right violence and finger-pointing. And would they risk going to jail for using even a partial piece of forbidden fascist imagery from Germany’s not-so-distant past? I highly doubt it.

On the other hand, the AFD’s spokesman was (not so) quick to blame Antifa for it. Why the delay? Hard to say, but if it was not the AFD’s handiwork (sticker and tree trimmings both), then wouldn’t they have actually taken this shameful display down immediately, instead of letting it sit for several days while they looked for a suitable target to take the blame for what smells an awful lot like a double hate crime?

One thing’s for certain: The AFD is a bunch of crypto-fascist cowards. It’s very like them to send out Nazi dog whistles, skirting the law with their eagle tree-topper sans swastika (but with everything else that corresponds to classic Nazi iconography). It’s also just like them to look for excuses when they’ve been popped. And it would hardly be the first time they’ve been found in open association with fascistic elements, either.

And their hatred for Muslims isn’t exactly a well-kept secret. The party’s whole raison d’être, in fact, is the presence of Muslim immigrants and refugees in Germany. They don’t have Muslim members, any more than the original Nazis had Jewish ones. In fact, their party platform is explicitly anti-Islam, as agreed at the party congress of 2016. And the party’s more recent decision to embrace the overtly fascistic PEGIDA movement is more than a little concerning. Not that they were ever far from PEGIDA in the first place. Most casual observers would have trouble telling the two apart; I know I do.

But I know Nazi bullshit when I smell it. And on that note: Damn, does something here ever STINK.

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Music for a Sunday: You heard the man…

Stevie says:

Happy Holidays to one and all. And don’t get stressed, y’hear?

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It’s Yule, y’all!

And what better way to celebrate the Winter Solstice than with a bit of good news?

Yes, that’s right. Even getting a chunk of her lung removed to halt an early-stage cancer can’t stop the Notorious RBG. Even in the darkest of times, both for her personally and the world politically, this lady is determined to bring back the light, even if she has to haul it in from the rails of her hospital bed.

And there isn’t anything more Yule-worthy than that.

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In which Farron Cousins “thanks” Donnie

Ah yes. Remember that special 800 number you can call to “thank President Trump”? Well, Farron Cousins of Ring of Fire fame did just that. And hooboy, did HE get an earful:

Yes, that’s right. It wasn’t about thanking Donnie for all his (nonexistent) achievements on behalf of the United States of Amnesia. It’s actually a data-mining honeypot where you get hit up for contributions (which you can also make on a dedicated website, which will definitely mine your data). Campaign contributions, apparently, for the next US election, which is over a year away. Or maybe contributions to Donnie’s legal fund, because he’s going to have to pay his lawyers somehow, and nobody wants to work for him…least of all pro bono. (Remember Mikey Cohen? Yeah, he’s in the jailhouse now.)

Anyhow. It looks like Farron’s not the only one who had fun with this phone number:

I took the liberty of starting it at 5 minutes in, when Ana gets frisky.

Obviously, she DIDN’T leave that message for reals on the machine, which wouldn’t have let her, because it loses no time making a pitch for the $$$. But wouldn’t it be lovely if she did?

BTW, that number is still open, so call and don’t forget to “thank” Donnie. Be creative! Thank him for nothing. Thank him for all the laughs his fake tan and silly hairdo provide. Thank him in fluent Russian. Thank him for not grabbing your pussy! Just don’t thank him with your wallet, ‘kay?

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Is Stephen Miller emulating his boss?

Or at least, his weird coping mechanisms for dealing with male-pattern baldness? It sure looks that way to me:

Apparently, Sam Seder and his crew think the same.

In my unhumbled and not so unpopular opinion, bald (or balding) guys who honestly own their lack of hair are far more attractive and appealing than those who try this desperately to fake what they haven’t got. Hell, my late dad had male-pattern baldness, and it was a glad day in our household when he quit combing over and just shaved his head. Bald isn’t bad! Straight women would rather have an honestly bald guy than one who pretends to be hairier than he is. And no wonder: Who wants to run her hands over a shitload of gooey fake-hair spray? Or be ordered to refrain from touching the world’s most unconvincing comb-over?

Not, I hasten to add, that anyone wants to touch Skeevy Stevie or Dirty Donnie. That would be disgusting even without the hairspray and the schwoop.

Here’s one honestly bald guy whom I like a lot, throwing that stone:

And here’s David Hogg’s view of the matter:

Perfect.

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NY subway videographer describes racist incident on the train

Juan Ayala, a.k.a. Plátano Man, relives the moment when he caught a “crazy” racist being “crazy” (i.e., racist) on a New York city subway train car full of Asians. Ayala was later caught on video by somebody else, taking the woman down and holding her until the train reached its next stop, where the cops could make an arrest.

It’s pretty clear that nobody wanted a fight (except, of course, the racist, who makes a point of tying her hair back to get it out of the way so she can get physical). Everybody was just on their way to work or school, minding their own business, until this happened. Nobody wanted to play the hero, but — as Plátano Man says, shout-out to the guy in the brown leather jacket, who tried to interpose himself between the racist woman and her target (Michelle Tung, 24), so nobody got hurt.

And if you’re wondering why everybody was basically just hanging around and not piling onto the “crazy” racist: It’s because at first, everyone probably thought she was just another mentally ill person, freaking out on the subway. Happens in New York all the time, or at least, often enough that people let it go and try not to make anything of it. They tend to just let the freak-out pass, as freak-outs typically do.

But this woman was making all kinds of clear aggressive gestures that have nothing to do with mental illness — tying her hair back was a dead giveaway that she was acting with malicious intent, looking to start a fight and then blame the victim when the latter fought back. As was rummaging in her bag for a can of mace. And in fact, she is a repeat offender on that front:

According to court records, Lushchinskaya was charged after allegedly pepper-spraying a man on the train on June 28. That man told the Daily News he and others on the train, soon filled with a cloud of the noxious spray that attacks mucous membranes in the eyes, nose, throat, and lungs, terrified, thought it was a terror attack.

In the June case, Lushchinskaya was charged with two counts of misdemeanor assault. She was also then given a Legal Aid lawyer and was released on her own recognizance, in other words, she walked out of jail sans bail. She apparently did not show up for a fall court date and in November a warrant was issued for her arrest. When she did appear in court on Nov. 16, she was again released without posting any bail. She had a court date on Dec. 13, the same day of the D train incident and on the June case, was again ROR’d. But court records appear to show that both cases have now been combined and in total, she is facing 10 charges with several counts each of menacing and harassment.

And the Gothamist reports on that earlier incident:

Another alleged victim, who asked not to be named out of fear of being attacked again, said she had exited the R train at the 4th Avenue/9th Street station this past Monday morning, and was transferring to the F when she walked by a woman she now says was 40-year-old Anna Lushchinskaya.

“As I was passing her she stuck her arm out and like, side punched me with her keys in her knuckles,” the passenger said. “I stumbled, caught myself, kept walking and turned around because she was screaming at me to leave her alone. She called me a ‘psycho bitch,’ and I still had my headphones on so I couldn’t completely catch what she said because I was so taken off guard.”

Charming bit of projection there on the part of our racist subway serial assailant, no?

Oh, and here’s the best part of the whole story, from Heavy again:

She has a Legal Aid lawyer, Jacob Bradley Rolls. She is due back in court Jan. 22, 2019. Legal Aid is provided to the indigent, people who are poor or otherwise cannot afford a lawyer. Lushchinskaya is a lawyer who reportedly earns $110,000 a year.

“The Legal Aid Society exists for one simple yet powerful reason: to ensure that no New Yorker is denied their right to equal justice because of poverty,” the website says.

She carries Louis Vuitton, as can be clearly seen in the video. Her address is listed as 2940 W. 33 Street, feet from the Atlantic Ocean sandwiched between Seagate and Coney Island, known as O’Dwyer Gardens. A building owned by the New York City Housing Authority; public housing.

So, our charming subway racist is using a public-assistance lawyer and living in public-assistance housing, even though she is herself a lawyer, a member of the New York Bar Association as of 2005, and makes $110,000 US a year.

She’s rich enough to schlepp a Louis Vuitton bag (which you can tell even at a distance by the distinctive print on the material) full of mace and other assorted things which could double as improvised weapons (and no doubt have done so in the past).

She’s mentally competent enough to prepare for an anticipated fight with a younger and smaller woman.

She’s mentally competent enough to work, and could probably represent herself in court, but she’s using a Legal Aid attorney who could otherwise be helping someone in far greater need.

She’s also well-off enough to afford non-social housing, even in the ghastly-overpriced New York housing market, but she’s living in social housing, taking a unit away from an impoverished family that needs it.

But there she is, trying to play the victim, screaming “you won’t even let me hit her back”, when the woman she’s trying to assault didn’t hit her in the first place.

In short, a more obvious case of white privilege you could hardly hope to find.

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