News of the Restless

Stupid Sex Tricks: One two three four, let’s have a cum war!

Posted on September 15, 2010 by Sabina Becker

“Make love, not war” obviously means nothing to aquatic flatworms. Their mating ritual consists of a cockfight; winner gets fatherhood, loser gets…well, you know.

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Short ‘n’ Stubby: Isn’t that (law) illegal?

Posted on September 15, 2010 by Sabina Becker

Ms. Manx is concerned about our Charter of Rights and Freedoms, and about existing (old) laws on the books that predate and violate it and really, for that reason, should be stricken. Otherwise, ridiculous things like these can happen:

A man can (and DID) get arrested for practising witchcraft. No shit, there IS one old anti-witchcraft law on the books still here, although it’s actually supposed to be an anti-fraud law. That is, you can’t do witchcraft for financial gain. Okay, fine…why not strike that law and replace it with one saying you can’t do any kind of religious ritual for financial gain? Make it applicable to “faith healers” of all stripes, so that it’s truly fair and doesn’t single us Wiccans out. Or is that going to cut unduly into the lucrative business of all those televangelists, megachurch pastors, and other charlatans calling themselves Christians?

And what the hell is up with that old World War II law to keep the Germans out? By now it’s obvious that Germans are no threat to “public works” (if they were, neither of my parents would be in this country; my dad arrived here in the 1950s, and my mom in the ’60s.) So who’s the real threat? Protesters? REALLY? Oh come on. Since when has there been a war on protest here? Or…wait. I get it. It’s a war on free speech! Suddenly it all makes sense–anything that opposes the G-20 and its brilliant plans to suck the life out of the world is illegal!

Ms. Manx says it’s time to strike those ridiculous laws and replace them, if you must, with something that makes sense. And that does NOT violate our Charter, or wink at one group while smashing another.

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Time to end the war in Afghanistan, for the entire region’s sake

Posted on September 15, 2010 by Sabina Becker

Maybe it’s just me, my bookish predilections, and the fact that I’m reading a lot of Greg Mortenson’s work right about now (I just finished re-reading Three Cups of Tea, and have now begun Stones Into Schools). Maybe it’s the fact that people in need are the same everywhere. But if you needed more evidence that war really IS stupid, read this:

While millions of Pakistanis in internal refugee camps struggle with shattered lives in the aftermath of last month’s floods that destroyed farms, crops and livelihoods, Canada’s Disaster Assistance Response Team appears to be stuck on the launch pad.
The reasons could have to do with the realities of Canada’s war in Afghanistan — and the fact that, to put it mildly, our military may not be a popular item in many parts of Pakistan.
Certainly, there’s widespread sentiment here that DART’s 200 soldiers should already be on the ground in the flooded areas doing useful things like ramping up water purification systems and rebuilding damaged infrastructure like bridges, roads and electrical systems.
In disaster relief, says Walter Dorn, a professor at Canadian Forces College, “the big advantage of the military is rapid deployment. We haven’t seen much of that [by Canada], and it is disappointing.”
It’s not clear what the holdup is, since Foreign Affairs is keeping its cards close to its chest on the matter, but some observers believe the sticky issue is Pakistan’s demand that Canuck troops go unarmed.
Despite a late August press report that Pakistan is about to issue a formal request for DART, Canadian Foreign Affairs spokesperson Dana Cryderman denies that is the case, saying that only “informal discussions” with Islamabad on the subject are happening at the moment.
“In general, should a decision be made to deploy Canadian civilian or military personnel, a thorough analysis of the security situation would be conducted to determine requirements for the safety and security of government of Canada personnel,” she tells this reporter.
Given the level of fighting in Afghanistan and the near civil war in Pakistan, you can see the problem.
Dorn points out that Canadians are dying in Afghanistan while fighting a Pashtun-based insurgency that has roots in both Afghanistan and Pakistan. At the same time, terrorist attacks have occurred in all regions of Pakistan, not just in the Pashtun northwest border areas.
Some locals will see Canadian DART soldiers “as enemies in their homeland,” he says. “There may be people living in Pakistan who are making plans to kill Canadians in Afghanistan. I think Canadians in Pakistan offer themselves as a target. There is a segment of the population that is virulently anti-American,” and by extension, he says, anti-NATO.

Nine years ago, right about this time, the US declared war against Afghanistan, and dragged the rest of NATO into it. I knew right away that it would be disastrous, and it gives me no satisfaction to see how right I was. NATO is a Cold War relic that should have been demolished at the same time the Berlin Wall fell, and instead, here it is, being made the handmaiden of “western”–really, just US–imperialism yet again. And it’s all because no one in any western government had the guts and the vision to say something like “Enough of this crap, it’s time to work for peace! Let’s abolish this organization and act in good faith for a change.”

Meanwhile, innocent people in Pakistan and Afghanistan are paying for our collective folly with their lives. War, war is stupid…yes, yes indeedy.

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Hope is born in Chile…

Posted on September 14, 2010 by Sabina Becker

…in the guise of a tiny baby girl:

Ariel Ticona, a miner, has a new reason to survive for a few months at 700 metres below the earth’s surface, where he has been trapped for 40 days along with 32 comrades. Today, his daughter Esperanza (Hope) was born via Caesarian section, according to a nurse who attended the delivery.
Esperanza arrived at 12:20, weighing 3.050 kilograms and measuring 48 centimetres long.
Her mother, Elizabeth Segovia, admitted to being “very nervous” before entering the operating room in the Copiapó clinic, 800 kilometres north of the capital city of Santiago.
Rarely in Chile does the birth of a baby attract so much media attention, especially from abroad.
Ticona had promised to be by his wife’s side when she gave birth, but the collapse in the San José mine on August 5 made it impossible for him to keep that promise. For that reason he asked his wife to allow the birth to be videotaped so that he could watch from 700 metres below ground.
The tape will be delivered to the mine, 50 kilometres north of Copiapó, and will be seen this very day by the proud father and his comrades.
The 33 miners communicate with family and friends in the little city that grew up around the disaster site–called “Camp Esperanza”–by way of videos and letters.
The recent installation of a fibre-optic cable in one of the narrow ducts from the surface to the disaster site allows the families to communicate directly with the miners.
In one of the first videos sent by the miners to the surface, Ariel Ticona appears, talking about his wife.
“She’s at home, because she’s pregnant, and now it won’t be long before our daughter is born and it won’t be quiet anymore. Tell her to change the name of our daughter…a kiss from a distance,” can be heard on the tape, broadcast on television by Channel 13. From down below, many miners can be heard shouting, “We will give you Esperanza (Hope)”.
In an interview with the same channel, the miner’s wife said that the baby girl was to have been called Carolina Elizabeth. She added that both had thought separately of changing the name, “but we no longer had to come to an agreement…he was thinking it there, and I was thinking it here, at home. We were going to call her Carolina Elizabeth, but now it will be changed to Esperanza Elizabeth.”

Translation mine.

Meanwhile, in news that should disgust us all, the mining company has decided not to pay the miners for the duration of their entrapment. The future of little Esperanza is by no means secure; the same greed and callous stupidity responsible for her father’s absence is depriving her of other vital life necessities. She and her mother have a major struggle ahead, and so do the families of all the others. It’s not just a disaster, it’s a scandal.

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Arrested for telling it like it is

Posted on September 14, 2010 by Sabina Becker

Anti-Uribe demonstrators at work.

Land of the free, home of the brave…unless, of course, you’re trying to use your freedom and show your bravery by confronting a human-rights abuser at Georgetown University, in Washington, DC:

A member of a non-governmental organization was arrested for shouting at Alvaro Uribe at Georgetown University.
The arrestee started to yell at the ex-president while he was delivering a talk in Washington.
The incident took place during professor Eric Langenbacher’s class on comparative political systems, which was being held in the ICC Auditorium of the university.
A large number of students were in attendance, as were members of the “Adios Uribe” coalition, which was formed to oppose the presence of the former Colombian president.
At one point during the exchange of questions and answers, Uribe declared that his government had not violated any human rights.
At that moment, Nico Udu-Gama, a member of “Adios Uribe” and SOA Watch, began to shout insults at the former president. Police then arrived and arrested him for disturbing the peace.
“Adios Uribe” has called for marches in all university buildings where Uribe will be speaking, no matter how small the attendance. On average, there are no more than 20 attendees per appearance.
After the incident, Uribe gave another class, but on that occasion, the police were already present and prevented demonstrators from entering the lecture hall.

Translation mine.

I just noticed something that made me grin: “Adios Uribe Coalition” has the same initials as the paramilitary terror group El Narco has ties to in Colombia. I’m sure that’s no coincidence. Just a shame that the police are arresting demonstrators, and not HIM–he deserves it much more.

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Best bad book review EVER.

Posted on September 12, 2010 by Sabina Becker

Something (and that something being Thwap) tells me that a certain putz from out west is about to be fast-tracked to the remainder bin. His latest parvum opus is obviously financed by tar-sands profiteers, since it paints their dirty oil as “ethical”. Here’s all you really need to know about it:

It is so surprisingly bad that one would think that Levant spent two-thirds of the time he was supposed to be writing the book reaching under his belly to jerk himself off to his fantasies about Stockwell Day.

And if that called up an awful picture in your mind, you’re far from alone. I have it on good authority that Ezzy’s schlong is only two centimetres in length when fully erect. I also know what LaughingStock looks like in his wetsuit; it’s an uninspiring vision, to say the least.

EDIT: Great minds, etc.

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Music for a Sunday: “When the eagles crawl on the ground”

Posted on September 12, 2010 by Sabina Becker

This wonderful Alí Primera song goes out to the people of Venezuela today, as they mourn the sudden loss (on Friday) of William Lara, their former president of the National Assembly (and at the time of his fatal car accident, governor of the state of Guárico).

If you’ve seen The Revolution Will Not Be Televised, you’ve seen William Lara. He’s the man who got on the phone to reporters in several countries, informing them that the putschists were lying, that Hugo Chávez did not step down as president, that he was kidnapped and held prisoner. Had Chávez and his vice-president been killed, as the putschists had no doubt intended, Lara would have been next in line, constitutionally, to serve as president of Venezuela; his life, like that of all Chávez’s parliamentary cohort, was at grave risk during those 48 awful hours. Lara was also the one who swore in Diosdado Cabello, then vice-president, as temporary president, so he could officially order the military out to bring Chávez back. And, having worked as a journalist himself, William Lara knew the importance of getting the truth out through the media. The role he played in the rescue of his president was a crucial one.

Here are the lyrics to the song, which at the time of Alí Primera’s own death (also in a car accident) was still just a poignant precursor of the Bolivarian revolution to come:

When the soldier doesn’t serve the Homeland in a general’s garden,
When the eagles crawl on the ground,
When no one talks empty talk,
When there are no more oppressed people,
Then, I’ll sing an ode to peace.
You can hear from a distance the drums of San Juan,
How they say to the blacks who used to be slaves, that they used to be slaves;
But what I know is that there’s no song
That says to Venezuela that she’s free, because she’s not.
When the eagles crawl on the ground,
When no one talks empty talk,
When there are no more oppressed people, then
I’ll sing an ode to peace.
Let’s go, just once
Let’s go, just once
We have to make revolution soon
Because the longer we wait,
The harder it gets.
When the eagles crawl on the ground,
When no one talks empty talk,
When there are no more oppressed people, then…
I’ll sing an ode to peace.

Honor and glory to William Lara–journalist, revolutionary, parliamentarian, governor, hero. Peace be to his name.

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Wankers of the Week: Crappy 9-11!

Posted on September 11, 2010 by Sabina Becker

Yeah, like I need to wish any of you a lousy return of this day, eh? Hell, this day was lousy long before it even came to be called 9-11; just ask the Chileans. They lost Salvador Allende, and their country’s best hope to become sovereign, on this day in 1973. But since we in the northern hemisphere have had all our perceptions colored and every aspect of our lives fucked up by this day in 2001, calling it “Crappy 9-11” is just a sad statement of fact. Life has been crappy for all of us since, and for some, it’s getting worse. It’s all because of this day, and this week’s wankers are the ones who just make it all the crappier:

1. Glenn Fucking Beck. Surprise! He lied. This is news? There is NO FUCKING WAY the National Archives would let him hold George Washington’s original, hand-written inaugural address in his filthy, greasy, shit-stained paws. All right? And that’s not the only time. He is a chronic, compulsive, pathological liar. So all you freaks who believe him, do the world a favor and crawl back under your rocks, and don’t come out again. EVER.

2. Terry Fucking Jones. Well, didn’t HE just lead us all on a merry dance this past week? First he WAS going to burn the Qur’an today, then he wasn’t, then he was, then he didn’t, and now he says he was and is never going to. I guess I should be surprised, but I’m not. Behind all the exasperation, I’m utterly bored with this fucking wanker, and I don’t care if I never hear another word about him until he commits a flaming suicide. His real objective wasn’t even to blackmail the Park 51 imam, Faisal Abdul Rauf, to change locations, as was often reported; the imam denies setting an appointment to meet him. So what was it, really? Oh, what else. To attract publicity, and to make a quick buck to pay for all the properties his cult (which should not be dignified with the title of ministry or church) had suddenly acquired. And maybe, also, to air his insanity for the world to see. Like we all really needed to see it this week, out of all 52 a year.

3. Walid Fucking Shoebat. Honestly, with a last name like that, the jokes just write themselves. But seriously, he is BATSHIT.

4. David Fucking Frum. I’m sure Margaret Atwood is disappointed to see YOU on the tweeter, too. (I know I am.)

5. Ezra Fucking Levant. There are about a myriad other good reasons for this inclusion, but let’s just say this one topped it for me:

Face it, Ezzy, she’s just not that into you.

6. Tony Fucking Blair. Oh, he doesn’t want the public to be “inconvenienced by protesters”. You fucking wanker, Tony–the protesters ARE the public, and they are angry at you because you are a war criminal who LIED to them!

7. Joel Fucking Hanson. There are just three words to describe him and his politics: Cuckoo! Cuckoo!! Cuckoo!!!

8. Nicolas Fucking Sarkozy. Can’t govern worth merde? Zut alors, just pick on the Gypsies, n’importe pourquoi. Doesn’t everyone?

9. Stephen Fucking Harper. Sudden show of humanity, this late in the game? Fail. Besides, everyone knows Harpo’s a bot. PS: That sign thing? That’s a super-wank. That money should ALL be going toward public services and job creation, not self-glorifying pud-pulling.

10. The Fucking Teabags of Montana. That “joke” about Matthew Shepard was so funny I forgot to laugh. So I’m gonna try again–here goes: Ha. Ha. Ha. (Nope. Still can’t do it.)

11. All these fucking sanctimonious homophobes here. They disgust me with their displays of piety and bigotry. Why do they have to do that in public? Can’t they do it in their closets, like Jesus said to do?

12. Piero Fucking Gheddo. With a surname like that, the ghetto jokes just about write themselves, don’t they? But wait till you see the ideology. Yes, the bigoted side of pronatalism is never far below the surface. I think it’s the celibacy that brings it out; makes ’em spiteful.

13. Laura Fucking Schlessinger. Yeah, the Nazis really came to power by banning the word nigger. Either she really is this fucking stupid, or she’s hoping YOU are–to believe her as she outdoes herself by sodomizing Godwin. Did I mention yet that they got a large part of their ideological inspiration from the bowels of the KKK?

14. The Fucking Savage Wiener. Bitch, quit projecting. It’s not Jon Stewart that’s the problem, it’s YOU.

15. Bryan Fucking Fischer. The only thing Muslims need from Christians (besides a healthy dose of understanding) is to be left in peace. And the only reason they are killing each other in Afghanistan and Iraq is because “Christians” came in, meddled in their politics, and started killing THEM. PS: This doesn’t exactly help with the wankish image, either.

16. Rush Fucking Limbaugh. Yes, the US is in a fight for its life–against the likes of YOU, you fucking Pigman! And you know something else? I’m not at all surprised that he and Wanker #2 are graduates of the same high school, same class even. Both do the same two things, basically: stir up bigoted hate and make money off it.

17. The Fucking Koch Brothers. Yes, there are two of them. But since their net wealth is the same, and they do the same unforgivable fucking shit with it, they are tied for their position on this list.

18. Jonathan Fucking Kay. Ever get the feeling he writes all his screeds one-handed? I certainly do. Maybe that’s because whenever he jerks out something about honor killings, there are spots of sticky whitish ooze all over it. And all kinds of factual errors within.

19. This big fucking coward right here.

20. Hans Fucking Zeiger. Who but a complete and pluperfect wanker could hate on those cute little cookie-selling Girl Scouts? Oh, only a long-standing and very proud woman-hater. Who else?

21. Joe Fucking Arpaio. Worst Sheriff in the World wants to become Second Worst US President Ever (Dubya, of course, being the first)? Fortunately, this one’s gonna lose long before he gets anywhere near the starting line.

22. Shirley Fucking Phelps Fucking Roper. Why the double Fucking? Because there’s just no hate that this brainwashed evil wench won’t monger.

23. These twelve sick fucking bastards right here. Actually, they are worse than wankers–they are utterly vile. Just one more reason to end all wars–you’d be denying the psychopaths a free ride. And if serial murder for fun and the taking of trophies isn’t psychopathy, then I don’t know what is. They all belong behind bars for the rest of their lives.

24. Sarah Fucking Palin. Yeah, building a peaceful community centre is, like, totally the equivalent of burning a holy book! Totally! Nice of her to keep picking on a place that she will probably never even see. And what the fuck is the meaning of this?

Book burning is bad. But the Muslim cleric who is running for parliament in Afghanistan is calling for the murder of American children in response to scorched Korans, which is worse. Where is the media’s focus?”

Um, maybe it’s because THERE WAS NO SUCH CLERIC. The media can’t report a story that doesn’t actually exist, Sarah, you stupid wench. And WTF is this?

“Stand down” is what you say to soldiers in a war, and it’s a command given by an officer. Who put this idiot in charge of the troops? And what are they at war against, as if we couldn’t guess? If it’s a war against Muslims you want, Sarah, get thee into uniform and get thee over to Afghanistan. I don’t think you’d last long, though, seeing as you’re not really used to handling guns.

24. Ron Fucking Johnson. Just like the Pigman (see points #5 and 6 here), he never bothered to register or vote until something was in it for him. Niiiiiiice. Remember this? Add also this. And this. And then, ask yourself if this person is really worthy to run for dogcatcher.

25. Jeff Fucking Marsh, alias Joe Fucking Cardiff. Who he? Basically, he’s the UK equivalent to Pamela Fucking Geller. Or wants to be. Well, in one way he WILL be just like her: He’s gonna get his sorry ass handed to him on a plate. And none too soon.

26. Fucking Dubya. No, we STILL don’t believe you can read a book, and we’re certain the one you “wrote” was ghosted. You can’t even read a dinky little CIA briefing, and your old man was head of that agency. You couldn’t listen to your Auntie Condi, either. Why else did 9-11 happen? It’s YOUR FUCKING FAULT, DUBYA. That’s why.

27. Phil Fucking Davison. Angry much? You’re yelling, and nobody knows why.

28. Bob Fucking Old. Did this copycat asshole burn any books today? Yes, he did. And karma is going to fuck him for it.

29. and 30. FUX Snooze and The Fucking New York Post. Ghoulish, or what? Oh yeah, and thanks for the fact-free junk food for the brain. I’m sure everyone who lost someone that day really appreciates this kind of “coverage”.

31. Matt Fucking Drudge. I thought nothing he did could be more disgusting than his sexual fetish for eggs. I was wrong, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

32. Newt
Fucking Gingrich. He’s irrelevant, and he hasn’t a snowball’s chance, but damned if he’s not still determined to hijack all the discourse, all the same. This is true to pattern; he did it in the ’90s, too. But back then, he was in power; he’s just a loudly whining mosquito nowadays. If Obama were to come out against Park 51, he’d be demonstrating not “evenhandedness”, but the same blind wingnut bigotry that’s poisoned everything since that god-awful day. Newt, don’t mess with New York City’s planning decisions–just fuck off and go home.

33. Pamela Fucking Geller. Yeah, I’d say “charlatan” about covers it. Personally I’d have gone for “fascist fuckhead”, but that’s just me. She claims way more people attended her flying-monkey poop-fest than actually came.

34. Donald Fucking Trump. Naturally, he too had to stick his hideous combover in where it wasn’t wanted and didn’t belong. Never mind that the piece of real estate in question has actually been used as an informal prayer site for several years now, with NO outrage or interference. Does that not tell anybody anything?

35. Rosie Fucking DiManno. Who died and made HER the arbiter of what’s “reasonable”? Another fucking opportunistic hijacker of discourse. (Yeah, surprise, they’re not all in the US; Canada has ’em too, unfortunately.)

Finally, this one’s for all those who still oppose Park 51. Did you know that the World Trade Centre itself played host to an informal mosque? And that more innocent Muslims died as a result of the terrorism that day nine years ago than perpetrated the crime? And that some of them were probably in that prayer room on the 17th floor when the building came down? Yes, that’s right: GROUND ZERO WAS A MOSQUE LONG BEFORE IT WAS GROUND ZERO. Read all about it, and stop your goddamned infernal bigoted screeching. The world has had enough of your shit.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Festive Left Friday Blogging: Gotta hand it to Venezuela…

Posted on September 10, 2010 by Sabina Becker

And Chavecito certainly does. He was in the Caracas barrio of Petare today, handing out land titles to community organizations so that poor folks have more autonomy over their own homes:

And of course, he was proudly wearing the flag as he did so. He’s got plenty to be proud of. Today also marks the fifth anniversary of Venezuela being declared free of illiteracy by the UN. It’s still going strong, with no regressions. They did it with the help of Cuba. Can your capitalism do that?

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Jaime Bayly: Gay or not gay?

Posted on September 9, 2010 by Sabina Becker

Sounds like someone is flirting with confusion:

Peruvian journalist and writer Jaime Bayly, who wanted to be a presidential candidate in 2011, said that his gay side was eclipsed when he revealed he would be a father for the third time during his TV program, broadcast from Lima.
“God wants me to be a father, not a president,” joked Bayly, 45, who said that his girlfriend Silvia, 21, was expecting a baby in April 2011, coincidentally the same month as the Peruvian presidential election.
“I’m not gay, I can’t be gay, I still like women. I met Silvia and fell in love with her. Two things happened: She cured my impotence; and, in falling in love with her, my gay side was eclipsed,” said Bayly, who is as famous for his jokes as he is for his novels.
His future fatherhood would also have a direct effect upon his desire to be a candidate, Bayly said, declaring that “the presidential salary won’t be enough for me to support three children.”
Bayly, who directs the program “The Sniper”, in which he plays with an image of bisexuality cultivated in his novels, is the father of two girls by his first marriage. A self-declared “provocateur”, “left liberal”, and defender of abortion and gay marriage, Bayly polled a voting intention that fluctuated between 5% and 8%.

Translation mine.

Readers may recall that I translated a piece by Jaime Bayly a while back, in which he revealed that Guido Antonini Wilson, the perpetrator of the briefcase-bribery scandal in Argentina, was actually opposed to Chavecito, and was actively trying to bring him down through the “Valijagate” incident. Bayly met Antonini, who tried to befriend him, and found him a tad hinky; in the end, no real friendship ensued.

I don’t doubt that Bayly is still bisexual; falling in love with women doesn’t preclude the gay side of him from rearing its head (which it may well do again at some time in the future, Silvia notwithstanding). He’s a pretty mixed-up character, from what I hear; he was recently in rehab for cocaine addiction; no word on if he’s actually recovered. Time and reflection will help him a lot more with all his issues than facetious denials, but that’s something only he will be able to find out for himself. And I do hope he will.

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Posted in Huguito Chavecito, Inca Dink-a-Doo, Teh Ghey | 8 Comments

Stupid Sex Tricks: One two three four, let’s have a cum war!

Short ‘n’ Stubby: Isn’t that (law) illegal?

Time to end the war in Afghanistan, for the entire region’s sake

Hope is born in Chile…

Arrested for telling it like it is

Best bad book review EVER.

Music for a Sunday: “When the eagles crawl on the ground”

Wankers of the Week: Crappy 9-11!

Festive Left Friday Blogging: Gotta hand it to Venezuela…

Jaime Bayly: Gay or not gay?

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